CIO Is Over But We Didn't Live Happily Ever After

amother

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 4:13 pm

I did Ferber's modified version of CIO on my baby. B"H it worked pretty well. My baby usually goes to sleep w/ minimal crying on her own. The baby also used to wake up several times a night. Now she wakes up less. But, she will occasionally give a random howl around the time that she would've got a feeding (ex. if I put her to sleep at 8:30 that would be 11:00), but usually puts herself back to sleep w/in a min. and then wakes up when she genuinely needs to eat (around 12:00 am w/ a 7:30-8:00 bedtime). I haven't managed to wean her from night feedings yet.

Anyway, my question is: what do I do when the baby cries when I put her to sleep (this usually doesn't happen-but occasionally it still does) do I go back to Ferber and if so how long of an interval or can I just go to her?

Also, what do I do when the baby wakes up for more than a min. and howls? Do I go back to Ferber or do I go to her?

I am asking this b/c I really don't want her to develop bad sleep habits (especially if it necessitates doing CIO over), but I feel cruel letting her cry (it's usually less than 5 mins. anyway), when I am not doing a specific system.

Please help me!

smss

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 4:33 pm

honestly, from your post it sounds like you have turned off the switch on your intuition, and are relying on "the experts" instead.

to find the right answers for your baby, you need to turn that switch back on, listen to her and let her tell you what she needs.

how old is she, btw?

amother

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 4:48 pm

smss wrote:

I wish. I just don't know what to do and it was either going crazy or turning to the experts. I chose the latter.
I have trouble distinguishing between my baby's cries. She acts hysterical when she wants to nurse, diapers bothering her, is tired etc. She usually only cries when she's desperate about one of the above things and to me that desperate cry usually sounds the same. I can only tell that she's in pain if she's playing happily and suddenly bursts into tears (gas).
Before CIO, she often woke up frequently shrieking hysterically. At first, I thought something was really wrong and she was in pain and took her to the doctor. The doctor thought teething, but no teeth have materialized and that was almost a month ago. From reading Ferber, I decided that the crying was from waking up and not having a paci in her mouth. When I did CIO and stopped giving the paci, this got a lot better.

She is 6 mos.

yOungM0mmy

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 4:53 pm

Can't help you with the cio thing, my babies never slept through the night before 8/9 months, one closer to 14 months, and I ended up co-sleeping to deal with sleep deprivation, but teething can last more then a month with no appearance of teeth... Having had toothache as an adult, the pain is excruciating...

amother

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 5:22 pm

The middle of the night feedings is a side thing. Right now I am doing it. I am just not feeding her every 2.5 hrs. from 8 PM til 7:45 AM (her night). I feed her at around 12:00 AM, once (or more) in the middle of the night, then again at around 6:45 AM. But, that is not the point.

What I am asking is if I should continue using the CIO methodology whenever she cries and should be sleeping (and I don't suspect that s/t is bothering her) or CIO is over and she gets picked up whenever she cries (again when she should be sleeping).

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 5:30 pm

I feel so sad for your baby. She's only 6 months old! She's in touch with what her body needs, and you're not listening to her. She doesn't need to be on a schedule, she needs to be held, cuddled, fed, burped, changed, and played with.

Instead of putting your child through baby boot camp, look into books on child led parenting and attachment parenting. You'll both be much happier, and your baby will be getting all of her emotional and physical needs met.

Sorry, but it really upsets me when I hear of people "training" babies the way you would a new puppy, or worse, a lab rat.

amother

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 5:40 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

Oy! I think I should preface my post w/ the fact that I was literally losing it and occasionally (which turned more and more frequent) had to leave her to cry so that I wouldn't scream at her or hurt someone.

Please do not judge me. I love my daughter so much and chose this method b/c I needed help fast. Letting her cry for 5 mins. so I could collect myself wasn't helping either of us. Letting her cry w/ a consistant pattern w/ check-ups etc. helped her learn how to sleep much better which helped her and me. B"H I am a much better mother and hardly ever "lose it" anymore now that she isn't waking up every hr. screaming.

ETA, she is "held, cuddled, fed, burped, changed, and played with" during the day! (and held, cuddled and burped a few times at night, just not every hr.)

imaima

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 5:43 pm

amother wrote:

just wait if she settles by herself and if not then go to her. A couple of munutes are fine

amother

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 5:46 pm

greenfire wrote:

they don't recommend crying it out before a baby is 12 months - before that they need the middle of the night feedings - they are babies

I don't know who "they" is. I think most experts say that a healthy baby can sleep at least 6 hrs. straight at 6 mos.

imaima

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 5:47 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

[Removed] This mother obviosly wasnt happy when she was baby led...
This may be harsh but really. Everyone has their own struggles.
Andthere is nothing wrong if the baby learns to put herself back to sleep.

amother

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 6:00 pm

imaima wrote:

Sorry but people who have their only child and cannit have more should not reply to such threads. This mother obviosly wasnt happy when she was baby led...
This may be harsh but really. Everyone has their own struggles.
Andthere is nothing wrong if the baby learns to put herself back to sleep.

I was going to respond to your first thread, but I'll respond to this one. FF, you sound like a terrific mother and I'm sure your DD benefited from that. But for me, imaima is right. I did baby led from 4-6 mos. and it turned me into an absolute monster! Eventually, I realized that even though I love the attachment parenting, in theory, it wasn't for me.

I apologize if my title was a trigger or caused the immediate reaction of all of those who are opposed to CIO to jump up, but this is not what I intended. I initially had thought to write not to respond unless you have used CIO, but I thought that violated the First Amendment.

amother

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 6:02 pm

Shani88 wrote:

6 months is way too young to be sleep training. None of her cries should be ignored. If she's crying, it's for a reason!

Most likely, her reason is (was) that s/t disturbed her (most likely her regular sleep pattern, she slightly woke up) she didn't know how to fall back asleep w/o nursing.

-OP

Dolly Welsh

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 6:08 pm

smss wrote:

OP, you are overthinking. She will be a kallah soon, and you will wonder how she is doing???

Just cuddle and feed the baby - it goes by in the blink of an eye, believe it or not.

The minute you get good at handling one year olds, you don't have one any more. All your skills are now useless. Now you have to learn what to do with two year olds, a completely different kettle of fish.

There is no such thing as bad sleep habits.

Disrespect, stealing, self harming, and eating nothing but potato chips and pizza and getting scurvy, those are bad habits.

Your darling infant cannot develop any bad habits.

Please, as the above poster says, just listen to your instincts, or with the changing fashions in pediatric opinions, you may end up wearing her as a hat and hanging her on the line to dry.

You are the mommy. Nobody since Chava has ever known any more about it than you do.

Now stop thinking. Or think with the end of your fingernails, not the whole clenched hand.

Nobody has ever had THIS PARTICULAR INFANT.

Listen to the baby. She is the expert on what she needs.

Raise the baby in front of you, not the one in your mind.

Hugs.

imasinger

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 6:12 pm

OP, I think you are doing fine. You sound like a caring mom.

You can try patting her back and humming to her, or leave, time her and see if the 5 minutes gets less soon.

Try reading the No Cry Sleep Solution for more support, ideas, and insight.

greenfire

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 6:29 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

imaima wrote:

[removed] This mother obviosly wasnt happy when she was baby led...
This may be harsh but really. Everyone has their own struggles.
Andthere is nothing wrong if the baby learns to put herself back to sleep.

Personally I agree with FranticFrummie ~ having nothing to do with how many babies I birthed Confused

But since the OP stated she was going to hurt someone I might take a different approach ... since it's important for the baby to stay safe.

amother wrote:

Last edited by greenfire on Tue, Jan 20 2015, 9:14 pm; edited 2 times in total

scrltfr

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 6:31 pm

Every baby is different. But please take into account your own well being. You need to rest as well! My babies cry out in the night I usually give it a minute to see if I need to go in. Also, as your baby gets older you will distinguish between her cries. I let mine cio. It is not cruel it was necessary. My health and shalom bayis were suffering from me spending 2 hours with him to get him to sleep and then running in every two hours. Trust your instincts. Also once she is on solid food it should help her sleep better.