Being asked to take your shoes off

Scrabble123

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 10:35 am

Many people buy special booties for individuals to put on when they come to their home. There are certain floors that dirty easily (think dark planked wood floors) and are extremely difficult to clean. I wouldn't ask someone to remove their shoes and probably would not have the booties either, but the booties are a better alternative. Some cultures require individuals to remove shoes in homes, so I would totally understand someone from such a culture asking me to. My aunt is crazy about her floors and I have special slippers at her home. Don't know what she does with guests, though (I'm sure if someone has a dinner party they expect people to wear shoes)!

sequoia

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 10:42 am

I don't understand you guys. Why are you being such jerks about this?

You say it's rude to ask a guest to take off their shoes. But in my milieu no one needs to ask. Everyone removes their shoes as soon as they come in. If I went to my friend's house and didn't take off my shoes, that would be rude!

Why can't you believe that there are different customs?

imaima

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 10:44 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

I have lousy circulation, so my feet are always freezing cold. I also need arch support, and without shoes my back would be killing me. Wearing someone else's slippers (how do I know if they've been washed or not without asking and seeming rude?) is just creepy to me. I don't want to get anyone's funky toe fungus, thank you.

What do you do if you get invited out on Shabbos, and you can't carry your own slippers or socks with you? Fortunately, everyone I go to wears shoes in the house, so this hasn't been a problem for me yet. I am always super careful to wipe my feet extra times before I come into anyone's home.

Another option would be to have a box of baby wipes and a waste basket in the entry hall. You could ask people to wipe down the bottoms of their shoes before they come in. I think that's a reasonable compromise.

I never ask shabbes guests to take off their shoes if they don't want to. But they belong in the category of those who don't go beyond the living room.

amother

Saddlebrown

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 10:49 am

sequoia wrote:

I'm the amother of Asian heritage who posted above. It's ok to raise an eyebrow, say you don't get it etc. But who are you to call us rude? It is a cultural tradition. In many parts of the world, guess what, YOU would be the rude one if you walked in and kept your shoes on. They take this custom seriously. Not that I agree with that level of seriousness either. But sheesh, how hard is it to understand that certain things are a matter of culture and neither one is right or wrong?

amother

Chartreuse

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 10:52 am

I had to go fill out paperwork in someones house because her business office was in her house. She asked me to remove my shoes. shock

I felt aekward bec. This was a business meeting not a friendly home visit.

amother

Black

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 10:58 am

Not sure what the issue is. You're offended because they asked you?

For many people, the norm is to take off their shoes and put slippers on as soon as they enter the house. And if they just did their floors, even more so, I'd think it's a reasonable request.

Barbara

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 11:10 am

amother wrote:

I don't live in a part of the world in which it is a "cultural tradition" to remove shoes in the home. If I did, or if I visited a country in which that was the tradition, certainly I would comply.

Farting after a meal is an expression of thanks and appreciation to the Inuit people of Canada. If I ever visit the Intuit people in Canada, I'll give it the old college try. But don't fart at my table and say "well, the Intuit ...."

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 11:11 am

sequoia wrote:

I think it's mostly a reaction to the posts earlier which stated that wearing shoes inside the house is disgusting. You did say that earlier.

I agree with the fact that it is based on cultural expectations. But it is not particularly common in my culture and I find that the few I know who insist upon it have the attitude that those who don't do so have filthy unhygienic homes.

Some of us are just pointing out that we find it equally disgusting to a. Wear slippers worn by every guest who enters the house, 2. Have to be exposed to the unpleasant foot odor of a bunch of men in socks, and 3. Feel kind of humiliated at the need to expose our feet.

amother

Cobalt

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 11:11 am

This is tough for me, because culturally my family was always shoes off at home, and now my own family does that as well. I find it so unsanitary to walk around and track dirt around especially as my babies crawl around and then suck on their fingers. And since my whole house is one level its not like I can have no shoes upstairs as my parents did so it doesn't really impact guests. Oh and I have carpet so it's not like k can just wipe the floors.

But I know ppl hate taking off shoes so j don't know what to do Sad

Frumdoc

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 12:36 pm

I take mine off indoors for comfort. Dh never did pre marriage, but learned from my example!

I take mine off in other people's homes too, those I am comfortable in. Family, friends. If people want to take off their shoes in my home as they are of the same mindset, they are welcome. If they want to leave them on, also fine.

If they have muddy shoes I will clean up after them rather than embarrass them by asking them to remove them, unless they ask for help, in which case I will offer to clean them/ lend socks etc.

I took my trainers off at the gym to go on the bike a few days ago, as I find it easier, and got some funny looks even though I was wearing gym socks and they didn't smell!

amother

Cerulean

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 12:47 pm

Raisin wrote:

Op, you do realise you give a lot of identifying information. Anyone who lives in your brothers city (which you mention) and knows they just bought a house, plus the other details you give about them, could put two and two together.

Maybe take out the name of the city.

I can't make changes as anon. unless yael does it, but anyways my sil isn't even on ima, she doesn't even know about this site and most of you won't even know who she is anyways.

amother

Cerulean

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 12:50 pm

amother wrote:

This has nothing to do with shoes and everything to do with rudeness. Yelling and insults are never acceptablef. But having a no shoes policy is perfectly reasonable. I am part Asian and in that side of my family's country of origin, everyone takes off their shoes as soon as they enter a home. A host provides guests with slippers so no one is walking around barefoot. I grew up this way (in America, but my family keeps this tradition) and do it in my own home. A lot of people find it interesting, but respect my rules because it is my house.

I actually didn't know that maybe now it makes a bit more sense as my sil was born in the phillipines though raised in USA the majourity of her fam are asian... but I use my own slippers cus I have a big size, plus I was only going upstairs to 1 drop my stiff and 2 go to the bathroom as she wouldn't let me use the downstairs one.

believe me it's not the only issue I have with her I have many others too. but that's for a later date.

Raisin

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 12:56 pm

amother wrote:

I can't make changes as anon. unless yael does it, but anyways my sil isn't even on ima, she doesn't even know about this site and most of you won't even know who she is anyways.

Maybe your sil is not on here, but I am sure some of her neighbours are. Assuming here your brother and sil are members of a frum community.

you can edit amother posts.

Ema of 5

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 1:00 pm

amother wrote:

you do realize that shoes also track dirt, right? not just socks and feet? so I dont think (though perhaps im wrong) that wearing shoes is any more or less sanitary than wearing socks or not wearing socks.

Raisin

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 1:04 pm

we have lots of guests every week and no one is ever asked to remove shoes. bh my kids rarely get sick. (Yes! I let them crawl around on the floor) Contrary to what you may think, a few germs are GOOD for babies, since it helps build their immune systems.

mfb

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 1:29 pm

Raisin wrote:

Had to like this again! Especially the last sentence!

amother

Cobalt

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 1:36 pm

eema of 3 wrote:

Huh? Maybe I was unclear but the reason I don't want ppl to wear shoes is because of dirt. I am totally fine with socks and wish it was ok to ask ppl to take off Shoes.

rachel91

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 1:38 pm

By us (russian/ukrainian) it was more of a cultural thing, I'm not so strict about it with guests( not at all), but we (members of our household) always take off our shoes and put on slippers when we come home.
It has nothing to do with hygiene, at least by us.

Last edited by rachel91 on Thu, Apr 23 2015, 1:43 pm; edited 2 times in total

amother

Beige

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 1:38 pm

My dh went to someones house to do work there. They asked him to take off his shoes. I think that's pretty rude. He told them that he can't work without shoes (climb ladder...) Either they let him in with shoes or he can't work in their house.
If you want to ask your friends is one thing, I don't think its polite to ask workers. Would you ask someone from the local gas/telephone company to remove shoes?
I agree with amother a couple posts above. If you are doing business in your house you can't ask clients to remove shoes, that's rude to.