Children kicked out of school

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Jun 22 2015, 9:25 am

These people don't tell the truth why they kick out families so it really doesn't matter what they say. We left one school that made it difficult to stay. They told me one rebbetzen kept complaining about my son. I was called in a few times. I thought the lady was crazy. My husband works for her husband now. She told me it was totally not true. I found out years later the principal told my son's rebbe that they thought my son wouldn't be a good learner and they made a mistake.

If they would have said that we could have addressed the real issue.

5mom

Mon, Jun 22 2015, 9:47 am

amother wrote:

That is too bizarre! You're lucky that you got out of there.

black sheep

Mon, Jun 22 2015, 12:43 pm

I am really surprised by the responses here.
ironically, even in your responses is your answer. more than one poster asked if the school was "a bad fit" or if the family didn't "keep up the school's image." these are VALID reasons to kick children out of a school?
I have baruch hashem never encountered this myself, but I know of more than one family who was asked to leave a yeshiva for "no reason" or rather for reasons such as "we don't think the school and your family is a good fit" and family image issues.
our jewish education system is in a very sorry state. schools want to maintain an image, and could care less about their students. if you don't jive with their image, out you go! goodbye to all your friends and goodbye to the school you are used to, because your family doesn't help the school maintain it's image. and "it's not a good fit" is another variation of image.
hugs, OP, I haven't had it personally but yours is not the first time I have heard this happening. I don't have any advice. but I do love Dolly's idea of a mass movement in the jewish education system towards homeschooling.

Simple1

Mon, Jun 22 2015, 1:13 pm

black sheep wrote:

It's common to not accept to schools based on differences, and this is a problem. But from what I've noticed, it's very unusual, once the kids are in the school, to be kicked out, unless it involves not following the rules, and even then there are warnings and lee ways given before expelling.

It very well could be school is making a big deal over something the OP sees nothing wrong with. In any case, it must be very upsetting for the OP.

Mon, Jun 22 2015, 1:25 pm

I'm about to open a can of worms, but I'm going to do it anyway:

My son was in playgroup this year, and was "educated" by a boy in his class about things that I would rather him not know so early on in life. I want my child sheltered, and don't want him learning about killing and shooting and tv characters. He's registered in a school next year with two classes, and IF this boy is also registered there, I will be requesting that they not be put in the same class.

I have my son enrolled in the school with hashkafos that most reflect mine. Assuming that this child IS in this school, AND that enough parents complain about the influence he is having on their children, I DO think it would be right for the school to ask him to leave. Even though he didn't do anything wrong. But because, yes, he is not a good fit for the school. Not for the school's image, but for the student population in the school.

(Though OP, I do think that the school should have given you more time to make alternate arrangements.)

Sanguine

Mon, Jun 22 2015, 2:11 pm

black sheep wrote:

but I do love Dolly's idea of a mass movement in the jewish education system towards homeschooling.

Am I the only mother in the 21st century who would never ever homeschool?

I am no way qualified to teach my children. Every teacher has their specialty. Are we talking secular subjects too? Till what grade? I have 16 years of schooling but I forgot a lot the day I walked out of school. Teachers spend 4 years in college learning how to teach. Everyone knows the difference between a good teacher and an OK teacher. Some people are naturals, some aren't. Good teachers spend hours preparing.

I don't find every subject fascinating. There are many subjects I'd be very happy to not see again. I don't want to have to learn it all over just to teach my kids. And it's different to teach. Once, here in Israel, someone asked me if I could give a poor English student some help. Sure, I know English (aced my English regents). So he started reading slowly with me correcting. At one point he asked me - How do you know when "C" sound like "s" or "k"? shock

I had no idea. There's actually a rule (I went back and asked his English teacher). I may have learned the rule back in 2nd grade but now it's just natural for me to read it right. See, that's what I mean. I'd have to relearn my entire education before I could teach my child.

But more important... My kid's schools provide them with so much that I can't. They're constantly having special days and speakers. Things I'd never think of (can be things that I don't even know about). They discuss new concepts with their teachers and often get to "debate" the subject with other kids (not everyone comes from the exact same background). I'm not talking about socially meeting other kids. I'm taking about learning about other kids with their teacher guiding them.

And what if your child has some learning disabilities? I'm not talking very low intelligence. I'm talking about minor problems that may need a little help from a special ed teacher. (some kids need just for math, reading or grammar). Is every mother equipped to "wing it"?

Schools have an entire professional staff working full time to give your child a well rounded education to grow into productive grown ups. People who think they should home school either have a very big ego or their school isn't very good.

Ruchel

Mon, Jun 22 2015, 2:15 pm

Dolly Welsh wrote:

I know nothing about this but I remark that there are a lot of Torah Home Schooling threads here; a search will turn up a lot. A few dollars for bochurim to tutor, and some work on your part, and you might be all right.

There is a whole national movement, including support, conferences, and resource sources, for Torah Home Schooling. Your kids may need a more custom-tailored education for personal reasons of their own.

Schools have to teach to the average. That's not their fault. It's their job. But it doesn't suit everybody, and that's all right too.

We have no idea where OP is.
I don't know one single frum family homeschooling a bigger bachur in my country, and those who homeschool at all do so out of necessity (way OOT, etc). Just saying.

Lady Godiva

Mon, Jun 22 2015, 2:53 pm

kb wrote:

You want a child thrown out of a yeshiva because your hashkafot are different than his parents'? That's really ugly of you.
Do you know how hard it is for a child who is asked to leave a school to be placed in another school? Do you know that you will be ruining this child's life and possibly his chance at having a Torah education?
Views like yours disgust me.

33055

Mon, Jun 22 2015, 3:18 pm

Lady Godiva wrote:

I hear what you are saying and I hear what KB is saying. It depends on the town. If you live in a town like Monsey, the child isn't doomed. He just goes further to the left.

We pay dearly for an education that shelters our children. There are ideas that I don't want my children exposed to. Worldly children can undermine parental teaching.

notshanarishona

Mon, Jun 22 2015, 3:22 pm

You are not ruining a child by putting them in a school with children with similar hashkafos.
It is much worse to send your child to a more right wing school and make him into the bad kid that no one wants their child playing with.
Unless you are in a city with only one school (in which I strongly believe e/o should be accomodated unless no other option) , I think ppl should try to send to school allignment with their hashkafos vs. just choosing one school b/c it's more convenient, cheaper, etc.

Cookie Monster

Mon, Jun 22 2015, 4:22 pm

kb wrote:

I don't want a child "thrown out of yeshiva" because of different hashkafos. I want the child to be PUT into a yeshiva with hashkafos better suited to your lifestyle. I think the school should work with the parents to make alternate arrangements that would better fit the family.

There are a lot of schools - and families - that would not be bothered by the things that bother me.

Think of it this way. If there were a parent in your child's school that would feel that your hashkafa doesn't match theirs, and they don't want there child to be in the same school as yours, would you like if they decided that the school is not a good fit for your child? Would you not be hurt if they decide you should PUT your child in a different Yeshiva?

Lady Godiva

Mon, Jun 22 2015, 4:30 pm

kb wrote:

Then put *your* child in a school where only children from families *you* approve of are accepted. Or better yet, open your own school exclusively for you and yours.
If that child was accepted into the school, obviously the school believes he belongs there. Don't try to make the school think otherwise. It's lashon hara or motzi shem ra and will not reflect well on you after 120.

Mon, Jun 22 2015, 4:34 pm

Cookie Monster wrote:

As I said originally, if it's just me, I'll switch my kid to the other class . But if the majority of the parents in the school don't want their child in the school with this child, then yes, the child should be put in a school with hashkafos that fit better with their lifestyle.

mha3484

Mon, Jun 22 2015, 4:57 pm

I'm sorry if this comes across the wrong way but...

For all I know you are talking about my son. I'm pretty sure we are in the same city. Its extremely hard to control what our children come in contact with trust me I have tried. DS knows things about pop culture that I never showed him. All the Thomas characters, Elsa from frozen etc. He was in a very frum playgroup. He also has a wild imagination. Whenever he gets into hitting, fighting etc I tell him we don't do those things. Iyh he will outgrow it. He is a child.

We consider ourselves to be yeshivish. I would be livid if a school forced me to send my child to a school that was not in line with my values because my 4 year old seems to gravitate towards things many other little boys find fascinating. END RANT.

amother

Navy

Mon, Jun 22 2015, 5:46 pm

Hi I dont know your whole story or why your kids are bieng kicked out all I can say is Horrible Horrible Horrible thats about the Yeshivah system and about the horrible principle , This principle will have to pay for his sin up in the shamaim He will have to pay for all the Agmas Nefesh that he is putting you through I know how it feels to had a child kicked out of a known Yeshivah for stupid reasons and then have to deal with years of suffering beacuse not only couldnt put my son in a diffrent yeshivah beacuse this princible gave him a bad name and recomended for us to send him to a yeshivah for off the derech kids who do drugs when our son wasnt even getting off the derech untill he kicked him out and took away any confidence he ever had .I will never forgive him for that.
Forget about this Yeshivah or princible what we did which was the best thing for our son was to send him to a less Yeshivaish yeshivah where he was treated like a human bieng with respect he ended up loving the school and his teachers doing great in learning and graduating with flying colors. Who needs all the yeshivaish priciple **** they only make our kids suffer go off the derech not show them the true love of torah like some of the modern yeshivas do ,

anonymous458

Mon, Jun 22 2015, 5:56 pm

OP here for those that wrote stories about how they got rid of children for no reason and it turned out to be personal, THAT IS WHAT IS TAKING PLACE HERE! This is corruption and I always paid tuition on time

They are being kicked out for no reason and those few of you that wrote that this is not believable, well OBVIOUSLY IT IS BC YOU ARE NAIVE BC YOU ARE NOT AND HAVE NEVER BEEN IN THIS SITUATION. well, I am happy for you that you dont have to go through this but thanks to those that understand and are sympathetic.

Just to summarize, I was naive too before I had to deal with this prinicpal. At least, he could have informed me earlier in the year so that I would be able to get them into another school. Homeschooling is hard for working parents and would only be a last resort because I am frum (paid thousands to this school) and would not consider public school. This is a new principal and the old principal who established the school was forced out bc he did something against the board but I dont know the full details except that my children originally started with the old principal. So, there is a lot of corruption here and it is sad to say that this very frum yeshiva (which I share hashkafas with) is run by people who call themselves rabbis but are acting like this. Throwing a child out of yeshiva for no reason is something that Hashem will hold them accountable for and I said that to the principal.

For those that dont believe me, well then dont bc I would never believe a story like this unless I had this experience or heard of others who had the experience.

anonymous458

Mon, Jun 22 2015, 6:41 pm

OP here I would like to add that if there are many people who send to schools where they may not agree with the EXACT hashkafa why? bc unless you live in Brooklyn Lakewood... where there are many choices then you send to the school in your community. Also, there are a lot of sephardim who may accepted to an ashkenazi school bc maybe the school needs money and would accept a rich sephardi over a "poor" ashkenazi while a sephardi school with low enrollment may accept any type of jews as long as when in school the children follow the rules... why? bc they need the money.

I dont know about your experiences but from friends I know it is very hard to get into schools in the first place and if a child is kicked out it would be very even harder to get into another school. I try not to talk lashan hora so I will not go around bad mouthing this principal in my neighborhood but I am here for support as noone here knows who I talking about. Also, just for the record, I will make it clear that my children were well behaved -we just got their report card with good grades...- but the students who were bullying others....they were not kicked out or disciplined or...
I believe Hashem has a plan but easier said than done. I will work on my bitachon. As of now the other school in my town has not returned my calls so I must work on believing that Hashem will help me get them into that school, maybe I have to wait til Aug. ???

Thank you for those of you that have been supportive