why are rebbes doing this?!

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Sep 02 2015, 10:03 am

Barbara wrote:

Shhh. There are parents who want their children to participate in extracurricular activities. Gymnastics. Karate. Basketball. Soccer. Music lessons. Ballet. Who knows what else. That's unlikely to work with a 7:45 bedtime.

This made me smile. My daughter goes to the religious publice school in our area here in Israel. she gets home at 2:30 (she starts at 7:30) and the extracurricular activities that she does go from about 2 pm until about 5 pm. nothing later. I guess it has to be different when school only finishes at 4 or 5 oclock.

sky

Wed, Sep 02 2015, 10:16 am

Lakewood has tons of sports leagues and boys who take music lessons.

Most end earlier. I would not send a 7 year out so late for after school activities on a school night. When I've sent my boys its been on a Sunday, ending by at least 6:00.

7 year olds in Lakewood (assuming 1st or 2nd grade ) do come home late - school ends at 4:00, they are home by 4:30 typically.

Bruria

Wed, Sep 02 2015, 11:42 am

Yup, if the kids do extra activities I also think they won't be in bed by 7:45, highly unlikely!
It's so crazy and an invasion of privacy that a rebbe would ask parents to make a log,talk about control!
Also, some kids need a lot of sleep , while other do not, it's so personal, and parents usually know their kids well enough to know that child A has to be in bed by , say 8, while child B can stay up till 9.

SRS

Wed, Sep 02 2015, 11:43 am

Ladies,
Suggestions are lovely, but you must fight against this intrusion into family life. This is complete intrusion and a lack of tznius. If there is an issue with a kid, it can be discussed. If schools want to give parenting classes or suggestions, fine. But no parent should have to sign off on their child's bedtime (or be forced to do Pesach cleaning a certain way).

Ruchel

Wed, Sep 02 2015, 1:30 pm

Maya wrote:

I understand it too. The rebbes don't want to deal with tired cranky kids, same as you don't.

I think the mothers would be happy about the kids going to sleep on time. I don't think I've ever heard someone complain about this Smile

If she is like me she may be very shocked at a teacher deciding home life, or unable to stand the pressure of very early bedtimes.

mommy3b2c

Wed, Sep 02 2015, 2:11 pm

Barbara wrote:

So they're home by 4:30. Kid needs a break and a snack, so that takes you to 5:15. Homework, its 5:45 to 6 pm. Dinner, 6:30. Bath, teeth, etc are likely to take at least 1/2 an hour. So that means that the "only" time is from 6:30 to 7:15, which includes any bedtime reading, etc.

You really think that's enough time to drive to karate, have your child have a lesson, and get home?

Or for a tutor? Or a family activity?

Look, kid needs that much sleep, you like that bedtime, its your kid. Go for it.

Teacher thinks Shloimie or Miriam is sleepy or cranky from lack of sleep? Let the parents know.

But I just think its incredibly intrusive for a school to mandate a bedtime for children.

Let's not exaggerate. My kids always have a bed time written on their homework sheet. I love it. The kids take their bed time much more seriously when a it's coming from their rebbe. The rebbes do it to help the parents. I think most of us appreciate it. If your kid doesn't go to sleep at the right time what do you think happens? Absolutely nothing! Nobody is mandating anything.

sky

Wed, Sep 02 2015, 2:56 pm

My 7\8 year old is in bed by 8:00 latest every night and 9 year old by 8:30. What makes it hardest is peer pressure to stay up later.

4:30 arrive home - talk until supper is ready
4:45 supper
5:00 - 7:00 - free play, tutoring, family walks, biking, baseball, basketball, soccer, tag games, dentist, swimming lessons, errands, etc.
7:00 homework
7:30 start bed time routine

Truth is I've never had a rebbe define a bedtime for my child. I've had them include it as a comment on their homework sheet. Which still made my child feel like he should go to sleep on time.

I know Friday night and shabbos when they stay up until 9:30 or 10:00 they are very difficult the next day. If I have a hard time dealing with them like that then their rebbe for sure does and there is no way they learn as well.

boymom

Wed, Sep 02 2015, 10:19 pm

Barbara wrote:

but would a parent want to put their child to sleep late because of extracurricular? I mean, if a child is ok with a later bedtime and functions well in class, then I assume if the mother talks to the teacher that this bedtime is not appropriate for the child, then a normal teacher would agree with mom. (unless the child really can't handle the late bedtime and it is evident in school).
but if a child needs sleep, I hope a mother wouldn't put extracurricular in favor of an appropriated bedtime. those important lessons can wait another year.

and besides, I took music lessons as a young child and didn't disturb my bedtime at all. so I think it's workable. I don't think rebbes care what the kids r doing after school. they just want to make sure the chilled out moms take bedtime more seriously. dh was a rebbe last year and was a kid in the class that was as lazy as ever, also came hour late every day... etc. dh found out from the boys upstairs neighbor that the child is never in bed before 11:00. An 8-9 year old!! I don't call that functional!

imaima

Thu, Sep 03 2015, 3:28 am

Barbara wrote:

But I just think its incredibly intrusive for a school to mandate a bedtime for children.

Don't forget that the rebbe already told the mother what she is allowed to wear, where she is allowed to vacation and if she is allowed to have internet at home.

Why are you surprised?

OP probably thinks that Big Brother is watching her, even though there is no follow up to the suggested bedtime

mommy3b2c

Thu, Sep 03 2015, 7:44 am

imaima wrote:

Please stop blowing this whole thing out of proportion. No rebbe ever told me what to do, and they still put a bed time on the homework sheet. Are some yeshivas to controlling? Yes. But this particular matter has nothing to do with anything! There are real issues to complain about, don't make an issue out of nothing.

imaima

Thu, Sep 03 2015, 8:08 am

mommy2b2c wrote:

So why are they doing this?

mommy3b2c

Thu, Sep 03 2015, 8:17 am

imaima wrote:

So why are they doing this?

It's pretty standard for teachers/rebbes to do this. My teacher wrote a bed time on the homework sheet when I was young, too. It's to help the parents by motivating the kids to go to sleep on time. It has nothing to do with the school. It comes from each teacher individually. They have no idea if you actually listen or not. It is supposed to be a helping type of thing! Why do people complain about everything g?

Chayalle

Thu, Sep 03 2015, 8:26 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Wow, thats amazing. My 7 year old has to be at her bus stop at 7 am. She starts school at 7:30 (here they have staggering also, and she is the first school to start in the morning) so she is in bed by 7 or else the morning is absolutely painful for her.

Wow! At 7 am I'm rubbing my eyes....

But then again - my DD doesn't get home until 4 so it's a longer day for her.

zigi

Thu, Sep 03 2015, 9:30 am

Coke Slurpee wrote:

I've heard of teachers who set a specific bedtime; in theory it's a great idea. Children learn best when they get enough sleep. Encouraging young children to go to sleep "on time" is a great idea. That might work with a younger family, but a family with older children impossible. The parents can't/won't do it and the child loses out when parents don't sign.

I can encourage bedtime, but no guarantees that they will fall asleep at that time. my oldest had this last year. I was encouraged to send everyone to bed earlier too.

kids come home at 5:20 its a tight squeeze to get everything done.

Laiya

Thu, Sep 03 2015, 9:45 am

Barbara wrote:

I attended public school. Our teachers never did that.

My husband attended day school. His teachers never did that.

My brother's kids first attended public school, then a prestigious private school. Their teachers never did that.

My friend's kids have attended city public schools, suburban public schools, g&t programs, special needs programs, prestigious private schools, day schools, and yeshivas. None of their teachers have done that.

It is not normal for a school to interfere in everyday parenting decisions.

I note that we preferred a later bedtime. My mother, OTOH, liked a relatively early bedtime, so she put as to bed when she deemed appropriate. Its called "parenting." I cannot imagine, as a parent, feeling that I needed the assistance of a teacher who at this point in the year barely knows my child, doesn't know me, and knows nothing or my home, family, or family structure, to help with basic parenting.

Did any of those schools you mentioned have the preschool aged kids come in with mitzvah notes? Were parents asked by some teachers to sign checklists over the weekend, attesting to their children's eagerness in helping parents with chores around the house, getting along with siblings, etc. ? Or washing up in the morning and eating a healthy breakfast?

My point is, I think yeshivos tend to have an overall philosophy that what goes on at home IS their concern; that their job is not merely to impart information during school hours but to work in tandem with parents in developing children's character.

Certainly, encouraging children to go to bed on time would fit in with that.

(Personally, I always find these things rather annoying, because I'm not the most organized person in the world and just having to remember to write those notes and fill out the forms feels like another task for me and added pressure, but I respect where they're coming from.)