Did you choose your lifestyle, or were you born into it?

amother

White

Fri, Sep 04 2015, 9:03 am

boymom wrote:

if you chose your lifestyle- where did you come from, why did you leave, and why did you choose your current lifestyle? are you happy with your decision?

if you were born into your lifestyle and you are obviously still in it- are you in it because you like it that much? do you hate it but afraid to leave? something in between?

just curious.

I was born into it and I chose it (or chose to stay).
Heimish Chassidish (not very - my husband and myself did not go to Chassidish schools), and perfectly happy bh.

amother

Pewter

Fri, Sep 04 2015, 9:30 am

Born into it (yeshivish family). Unfortunately did not really discover how much I HATE and don't believe in it till 5 kids in. DH, who for the most part is happy with it, is fine with me/us all becoming MO tomorrow. Maybe he's just saying that because he knows I'll never do it. Why not? As I mentioned, I have 5 happy, healthy, we'll adjusted kids (some in their teens) and I'm scared of doing that to them, DH and I both come from large, close knit, yeshivish families and I fear their judgment (particularly mine, his would probably be fine), I'm not 100 percent sure becoming MO would solve my (theologic etc) issues with yiddishkeit and...I'm too old-settled in my community, lots of friends, a good job (that I might not be able to keep if I switch streams...

I feel trapped Crying

amother

Periwinkle

Fri, Sep 04 2015, 9:57 am

Growing up, anyone who asked me what my family is, I was never able to give them a definitive answer. "so are you chassidish? litvish?" and when I answered "I'm jewish," people were either amused, annoyed, or all philosophical about it, as in, "oh, that's so true, we need to do away with all labels." and it's not that I don't agree to some extent, but labels are fine when they're definitive and there's no judgment attached to them.
so this ambiguity meant that in a family of four, each of us chose a different path, but all on a parallel track.

amother

Black

Fri, Sep 04 2015, 10:06 am

I have not read all the comments, only the OPs.

My family became religious through Chabad, it's where we went to shul. I sort of grew up modern orthodox with major Lubavitch influence. I went to Jewish school until 6th grade, and then public school. Before I went to Israel for seminary I had no idea that there were any other types of Jews other than Chabad (because that's all we had in my city until I was 18 when I left my home town).

I went to a seminary that was not Chabad (at the time I really didn't understand what that meant) after high school, but realized Chabad is the way for me and I am living it fully now, in Crown Heights. Plus, my married sibling married into Lubavitch and it's how I feel most comfortable.

amother

Cobalt

Fri, Sep 04 2015, 10:30 am

Born into Chabad. Proudly and happily Chabad today. In my teens I questioned everything on a very intellectual level. My parents always joked that I would either be completely not religious or very intense. Had exposure to all different kinds of paths in Judaism. I have family that are israeli chareidi, family who is American chasseedesh, and close childhood friends who are completely irreligious to sort of modern orthodox and everything in between.
So even though I never rebelled in terms of behavior, it was a long internal process to where I am today BH. In my head and my heart I truly believe in what I do. Yiddishkeit grounds me and chassidus Gives me true clarity depth and meaning. BH I feel really blessed that this is the case.

zigi

Fri, Sep 04 2015, 10:31 am

I think that Chassidic lifestyles nowadays are very far from what the baal shem tov started. would he recognize it? I grew up mo lubavitch. more MO though. I am lubavitch. not shtark but more towards Mo. with media etc. I tried to do be more stricter but, this is the way we wound up.

mha3484

Fri, Sep 04 2015, 10:33 am

Raised very affiliated reform. We were regular attendees to religious school, services, youth groups the works. I like to joke about my yichus. My grandfather A'H has an award named for him at the reform rabbinical college in Cincinnati. College brought me closer to conservative and then eventually orthodoxy. I live in a large OOT city and send my child to the local BY. I consider myself on the lefter part of the spectrum but it works for me B"H.

youngishbear

Fri, Sep 04 2015, 10:59 am

Born chassidish, stayed the course despite having some opportunity for making different choices.

I choose to stay, because I love what we have and how much more we still could achieve within the chassidish ideology and way of life. I hope to bring good changes in the areas that need it by my example and influence (however limited) slowly but surely, one mother at a time.

amother

Navy

Fri, Sep 04 2015, 10:59 am

I was born into a real heisa Satmar family, as a teen my dream was to leave the community. I got married to a not Satmar boy; life's great-no reason to leave. I don't have the kind of lifestyle I grew up with but I don't stand out to be different at all and love life!!
I don't send my kids out yet so don't know what's going to be then, my only issue is my husbands begging me to make drivers license since we're married (5 years) I really didn't see what's missing from me without it but I'm giving in. I'm not planning on using it here or too much anyways so just hoping for the best. I really love the place a live, I lead my private life the exact way I want...I don't wanna stand out....

tweek

Fri, Sep 04 2015, 11:16 am

Born into chassidus and appreciate much of what it has to offer.

I am honest enough to say that my chassidish experience is not necessarily typical of all others. I grew up in a more open-minded home and never felt (still don't) that being chassidish got in the way of anything that I wanted.

I am also honest enough to admit the many flaws that are inherent in our communities (used to participate more in those posts when I had the time) and therefore understand and can be sympathetic to the fact that others may have had negative experiences.

I try to keep that balance with my children so that they will one day feel the same way iyh.

Chayalle

Fri, Sep 04 2015, 11:16 am

amother wrote:

Growing up, anyone who asked me what my family is, I was never able to give them a definitive answer.

I really like this sentence as it resonates with me, very much.

Both of my parents come from Chassidish backgrounds that sort-of watered down in the post-holocaust era. My parents attended Litvishe/BY yeshiva/school and are college educated. At the same time, they held on to certain Chassidish minhagim and affiliations. Some would call us heimish but we weren't exactly that either.

I went to BY schools but for my brothers, my parents looked for more heimish-style yeshivas, and some of my brothers gravitated towards a Chassidish lifestyle to varying degrees. Our family is very much a mixed crowd, and we all manage to be very close.

For myself, I gravitated toward a more Litvishe lifestyle and moved to Lakewood after I married, living the yeshivish/Kollel lifestyle. I've found that there's variation among the yeshivish, just like there is among the Chassidish and heimish - people within a culture are not all the same. I'm comfortable in the place I'm in right now, which is probably somewhat center in the yeshivish world. My DH is a bit more to the right than I am, which is fine, it keeps me grounded.

potatoes

Fri, Sep 04 2015, 11:43 am

Born Lubavitch. BH I love it. Can't imagine leading any other lifestyle.
I definitely made it 'mine' during my teenage years. I didn't rebel, but did learn/seek/delve into the meanings of chassidus to appreciate my lifestyle and it be something I am not just borne into, but chose. DH the same.
I feel lucky to feel this way

suzyq

Fri, Sep 04 2015, 12:03 pm

Born and raised in Reform Judaism, but with a VERY strong cultural Jewish identity. I became frum in college and now identify as JPF (just plain frum), though have been through several permutations along the way. Am happy with my observance level as it is now, though I do get frustrated with certain aspects of the Orthodox world at times. But I do believe it's a great way to raise a family and offers an excellent framework for living life.

Maya

Fri, Sep 04 2015, 12:35 pm

cnc wrote:

I'm curious to hear more about neo - Chassidic/ Rav Kook teachings.

Do you want to explain?

I guess the simplest way to explain it would be a return to the ideals and teachings of original Chassidus.

This is a good article which explains the Neo-Chassidic "movement."
https://www.ou.org/jewish_acti.....doxy/

cnc

Fri, Sep 04 2015, 1:23 pm

Maya wrote:

Fascinating!
Thanks.