SHOCKING DIARY: Not Accepted Into Lakewood Schools

mommy43

Wed, Oct 28 2015, 5:31 pm

I can tell you that this story is 100% true I don't know the girl that wrote it so I don't know if it was written by her or her mother but my daughter could have written it word for word. the only difference is that she is now in 10th grade so this is her second year home. we are pretty new to Lakewood and we warent picky at all we tried a few different schools and were told there is no room. we had a lot of people try to help us at different times but got no where. now hopefully she is finally getting into a school. she didn't sit and cry all the time but she is very bored. b"h my daughter is not the type of girl that looks for other outlets when she has nothing to do so she wouldn't go hang out or any thing like that but I'm sure there are girls like that and if a girl would ch'v go off the derech because she wasn't accepted to a school I would blame all of the principals that didn't accept them. I understand not accepting a girl if she would have a bad influence on other girls but any thing else I cant .

zaq

Wed, Oct 28 2015, 5:36 pm

I am fully prepared to believe that children are not accepted to LW schools. The population is growing B"H by leaps and bounds, and LW lacks the facilities--and the tax base--to keep up with its needs. Simple law of physics--two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time, meaning, you can't put 50 kids in a classroom designed to hold 3. An extra 1 or 5 you may be able to squeeze in if you choose to flout fire code occupancy limits, but an extra 10+ you simply cannot do. That being the case, if you can admit only one of two children with identical qualifications, one of whom has parents who can make significant monetary contributions to the school and one of whose parents cannot, which would YOU, as a responsible administrator who has to look out for both the good of the children and the good of the school as an institution, accept?

Now, since "everyone" KNOWS there is a schooling crisis in LW, I cannot understand LW parents not having a Plan B and instead letting a child languish at home. You didn't get into the schools of your choice? Chaval. Lower your expectations and expand your horizons. Go further afield. Nobody really wants their dc to have to travel an hour and a half each way to school, but if the local schools are full, your kid has to go somewhere. Consider boarding with a family or living with relatives in another town that does have openings in school--even if the school doesn't fit your family quite as perfectly as the skin fits a salami. So your dc will be exposed to some ideas and minhagim that are a bit different from yours--it's not the end of the world. Eilu ve-eilu. And maybe she will even acquire a better appreciation for your way, having seen different ways. She'll be the only non-Chassidish girl in her school? Good: both she and her classmates will learn something new. Surely this is better than not going to school?

Or--DUH--homeschool. Hire tutors if you can't do it all yourself. Get together with the parents of the other 8 girls and share the responsibilities. You may not get your dc into Harvard but if you;re letting her velger around doing nothing for months at a time, I suspect getting her into Harvard is not high on your priority list. You're certainly not going to get her into a good seminary letting her fritter away her time.

FTR I think the "diary" is bogus, but the problem is not.

Maya

Wed, Oct 28 2015, 6:21 pm

The problem of not accepting kids into schools is very prevalent in the Chassidish community too, although they don't have a Vaad who ensures that all kids are eventually placed.

What usually happens is that parents, out of desperation, turn to more modern schools because they are rejected everywhere else, and then they are blamed and labeled as "bums."

To the poster who said that the people in charge of the schools are not monsters, you are unfortunately mistaken.

sourstix

Wed, Oct 28 2015, 6:35 pm

its a known fact that lakewood school owners are the most wicked. someone told dh that hes proud -read that again 'proud' that he didnt give into pressure of a certain chasidus thats he in lakewood to accept their kids. I call that rishus. simple rishus. doesnt this man realize that someday he will be at the receiving end and someone will be just as mean to him. I believe I understand why hashem creates mean people to give back to those that are mean. so they get tit for tat. now I am just furious that godloving people can be so monstrous. I know that these people will suffer . I dont know when or how but the day will come. and no there is more then one hs in lakewood!. there are many. I also thought that schools didnt start till everyone had a place. I dont know what happenedn alot of pp moved here and the schools are being flooded so I dont know if she is part of those pp. it will have to get resolved though. and I am sure the rabbonim are thinking of what todo.

Notsobusy

Wed, Oct 28 2015, 6:39 pm

mommy43 wrote:

I am so, so sorry for you and your daughter. I heard of girls not getting in until after school started, but I did not know that there were girls who missed a whole year of school. That's unconscionable. What happened to the holy "vaad"? Do you know if there was anyone else who also didn't get in the whole year last year?

Notsobusy

Wed, Oct 28 2015, 6:46 pm

professor wrote:

Oh come ON. not another one of those. just go to another school. there are plenty. is it that she wants to be with her friends? will they not be her friends anymore if she isn't in their school? they can always hang out after school. unless they have some rule that dont allow them to befriend her, I don't see a problem.

Quote:

Professor, seriously?!?! You really don't get Lakewood

I personally know someone who had exactly that problem a few years ago. Their dd did not get into the school her friends were going to, but she did get into a different, good school. They said no to the second school because their dd absolutely needed to be with her friends. Even though most girls leave high school with different friends than they started with, it didn't matter to them.

Well their daughter didn't get into the school her friends were going to, and school was starting. They went back to the second school and guess what, they refused to take her. By then they had already taken lots of other girls and they weren't really interested in these unreasonable parents anymore. Eventually, a few weeks after school started, the second school agreed to take her.

The whole time the parents were blaming the schools. Well, you knew what's going on in Lakewood before you even started applying. Yes, it is a problem and it shouldn't be so hard to get your child into the school you want. But face reality and don't play games with your child's life. I heard all this first hand from the mother, so it's not like somebody else made up a story about them.

ETA, I do believe that some people really do get screwed by the schools, but there are plenty of people who ruin it for themselves.

zaq

Wed, Oct 28 2015, 6:51 pm

studying_torah wrote:

Zaq, it's not so simple as going outside lakewood. To where will they go? Deal is not going to accept them, and I don't think Manalapan or cherry Hill have proper basis yaakovs

Did you read my entire post? I distinctly recall suggesting several alternatives. When you can't get what you want, be it fresh 100% pas yisroel whole wheat challah or a religious education for your dd, you have three options:
a. Do without. I think we can agree that when it comes to a child's education, this is NOT an option;
b. Settle for what you can get, even when it's not quite what you want. It may mean long travel, schooling out of town--by which I mean OUT of TOWN in the sense that most of America reads it, not in the provincial Lakewood sense of anything more than two zip codes away. I understand Denver, Monsey and other cities have "proper" BY and Denver even has a dorm IIRC (btw, what is an "improper BY?). It may mean accepting a school that isn't quite as farfrumt as the schools in LW, greater expense, and so on, but a parent's gotta do what a parent's gotta do.
c. Make it yourself. IOW, homeschool.

I canNOT believe that parents are letting their kids just languish. It's not as if there's a teacher's strike that they expect will be resolved soon. The kids were not accepted anywhere, what do they think will happen? Some kids will drop out and spaces will open up? During the infamous NYC public school teacher's strike of 1968, responsible parents enrolled their kids in private schools within the first three weeks, four at most. (The strike lasted nearly two months.) Some totally irreligious parents enrolled their kids in Hebrew day schools (and sadly, some enrolled them in Catholic schools). Why? Because they knew THEIR KIDS HAVE TO BE TAUGHT, and if it's not going to be in their own school, it'll have to be somewhere else. But go to school they did, in one form or another. Responsible parents did NOT leave their kids at loose ends for months at a time with no end in sight. Do Lakewood parents really let their kids stay out of school for a year? The mind boggles.

Last edited by zaq on Wed, Oct 28 2015, 7:07 pm; edited 1 time in total

sourstix

Wed, Oct 28 2015, 6:53 pm

I know of a chasidish family that moved to lakewood at the begining of this year the father told dh that all his girls got into elementary school but his boys are sitting home. he told this to dh at the end of succos. so dont tell me that everyone has where to go. by now I dont know what is going on. I dont want dh to ask bec its too painful and he cant do anything but pray. but I not only believe that diary but I am living it. so all of you not believing it you now can. I am telling you the real story. and I am chasidish. its a well known problem here in lakewood. its going on in brooklyn and in monsey too. I know some people had isssues there too. and they are announcing pp not to move to monsey cause the schools dont have place. so where should people with 10children whos father is making a meager living and noone wants to rent an apt to them bec too big family and the rent in brookly is sky rocket? how are they going to get out of there if we tell them dont come? its not fair. we are jews and we haelp each other. this is the first area among others. its our future generations. what are we here for if not them?

mommy43

Wed, Oct 28 2015, 8:23 pm

we actually did try oot meaning an hour away but they didn't have room. my daughter is on the quieter side so shes not the type of girl that would feel comfortable boarding by a family.
believe me we didn't just let her sit home and did nothing. we had a lot of people helping us and giving us promises that she will be in soon and than it didn't work out in the end and by the way we did try the new school last year and they didn't take her but that is probably where she will end up going now.

sky

Wed, Oct 28 2015, 10:18 pm

Its a community that is tight on all ends (mikva, schools, financially) and more and more people pour in. Its nice that the community is growing, but the supporting infrastructure doesn't exist.

(My daughter last year into school got toward the end of the summer. Almost every school we were dealing with was filled with siblings or just other kids. The school we sent to in the end had 28 girls in a class, the largest size they ever had, because they wanted to try to take what they could, the class sizes are truly bursting. There is a school that opened 9 years ago that now has 6 parallel classes, it isn't always so smart for a school to grow so fast so quickly)

Mevater

Wed, Oct 28 2015, 11:00 pm

perquacky wrote:

It's not legal for a child that age to not attend school--unless he or she is being homeschooled. Aren't there local politicians who can get involved?

If there's such a big school crisis in Lakewood, why on earth are people still moving there?!

Affordable houses, that are a fraction of the cost in other frum neighborhoods, and affordable rentals. But on the downside, scarcity of jobs, and lots of politics.

esther09

Wed, Oct 28 2015, 11:01 pm

I'm in the camp that doesn't believe this is real BUT if it were... it's pretty crazy to me that the parents won't send her somewhere else in the meantime. There are MO schools, even all girls RW MO schools, all throughout Jersey - seriously, you'd rather your child NOT get an education than go somewhere slightly hashkafically different?

You can point fingers at "Lakewood" all you want, but I blame these parents. You put your kids in this situation by living there and buying into this mishegas, you find a solution.