SHOCKING DIARY: Not Accepted Into Lakewood Schools

slushiemom

Wed, Oct 28 2015, 11:55 pm

mommy43 wrote:

I can tell you that this story is 100% true I don't know the girl that wrote it so I don't know if it was written by her or her mother but my daughter could have written it word for word. the only difference is that she is now in 10th grade so this is her second year home. we are pretty new to Lakewood and we warent picky at all we tried a few different schools and were told there is no room. we had a lot of people try to help us at different times but got no where. now hopefully she is finally getting into a school. she didn't sit and cry all the time but she is very bored. b"h my daughter is not the type of girl that looks for other outlets when she has nothing to do so she wouldn't go hang out or any thing like that but I'm sure there are girls like that and if a girl would ch'v go off the derech because she wasn't accepted to a school I would blame all of the principals that didn't accept them. I understand not accepting a girl if she would have a bad influence on other girls but any thing else I cant .

I'm so sorry about your daughter, but regarding you blaming principals if a kid goes off the derech- I totally disagree, sure they have some collective part in it, but the girl's parents are completely responsible. Like Zaq said, there are other options and keeping a child home for weeks, months or a year at a time doing nothing is NOT one of them! I hope your situation gets resolved soon.

June

Thu, Oct 29 2015, 4:47 am

Mevater wrote:

Affordable houses, that are a fraction of the cost in other frum neighborhoods, and affordable rentals. But on the downside, scarcity of jobs, and lots of politics.

Yup. Beautiful town + hordes of people looking for cheap housing = ruined town.

We moved out because we were miserable. (And we didn't even have kids yet!)

I grew up in Lakewood right around the explosion, meaning the school problem grew up with me. The year I went into 9th grade was the first year we had to start late because girls weren't placed yet. (The year before was the real issue, so my year they decided not to start until everyone was placed.) My best friend didn't find out what school she was going to until the night before school started. And even though we started a week late, a few girls still weren't placed until after Sukkos. Some of those girls are not religious anymore.

The next year, when I was in 10th grade, a school was hastily slapped up for 12 9th graders who weren't placed. It folded about 3 months into the school year, and the girls were divided up into the other 3 high schools. Why they couldn't be placed in those schools in the first place, I don't know.

I don't know personally what the situation is like now, but I do now that it's insane, and I'm glad I don't have to deal with it. Israel, even with all its insane social issues, is a much better choice for my family.

grateful1

Thu, Oct 29 2015, 5:01 am

It's not fair not to believe what was written! Someone wrote out of pain, give them them the benefit of the dought!
I just went through a similar situation accept that it was with a one and a half year old. My grandson wasn't accepted in any of the three good chodorim in the area that he lives!!!
For a week I was trying to pull strings from people that I know and are "choshiva people". The doors are locked! I found out inside information, because my daughter in law wears a "fall shaitel" they consider her very very modern (it doesn't interest them that the length of the shaitel is fine, that they have no internet, that her skirts are proper length, that my son is a real Ben Torah, that their hashkofos are fantastic...) and they refuse to accept him!!! Once one cheder says "no", word gets around and no other cheder is willing to accept him. Could you imagine???
It's absolutely pathetic!!!
They'll continue trying to get in. If ח״ו they aren't accepted, they'll have no choice but to move!!! 😥

33055

Thu, Oct 29 2015, 6:32 am

grateful1 wrote:

I am sorry for their pain. They do have the choice of conforming to the school's code rather than moving. It is easier and cheaper to get a full sheital.

I do imagine because I live in Monsey. Different schools have different standards. Some care about the thickness and color of tights, skirt length, radio listening, public library visiting, smart phones, etc. When the schools are bursting with students, they can make demands. Often the other parents want these rules.

ora_43

Thu, Oct 29 2015, 6:56 am

I can hear the frustration with the school system, because it sounds like an awful situation. But OTOH, I don't think it's reasonable to blame principals or the town's unofficial leaders, without giving them all the benefits of a full state system.

IOW, no fair making it a private system run by private individuals, but then expected them to act with the same kind of responsibility to the public that actual public institutions have. Unless principals are getting the funds to build and maintain their schools from the state, and unless rabbis collect tens of millions of dollars in taxes, they can't really be expected to build new schools any more than any other person can - no?

JAWSCIENCE

Thu, Oct 29 2015, 7:57 am

ora_43 wrote:

They are not responsible to the tax paying public. They are responsible to the Jewish community since that is where the money to fund them comes from. If they are opened to be private money making enterprises then your statement is correct. But they are not. They are opened to ensure Jewish education for all Jewish children and THEY FUNDRAISE ad nauseous stating this is needed to ensure all Jewish kids have Jewish education. So how can they let a perfectly normal Jewish child not have a spot?

I am talking about Jewish schools since they all FUNDRAISE and use community funds. I do not live in Lakewood so no specific comment about that. But Jewish day schools and yeshivas are certainly responsible to the public. Or they should be if the hanhala hadn't been given such power to ruin someone's life and reputation via a vis shiducim, seminary acceptance etc. that makes all parents quak In Fear from them.

5mom

Thu, Oct 29 2015, 8:04 am

ora_43 wrote:

Yes and no. In the metro NY/NJ area, the MO schools give what used to be called BJE exams to 8th graders. (I don't know what they are called now.) This way, they had an objective measure of each student, and they knew how many kids would be applying to high school. (Of course people move, but it was close.)

Acceptance letters didn't go out until every child had a spot. Every year. Every kid gets in.

Of course, you are talking about communities with a lower growth rate and a higher willingness and ability to open new schools if needed. But their success in this arena should not be impossible to emulate.

shoshanim999

Thu, Oct 29 2015, 8:25 am

I think we should all consider the very real possibility that this "Diary entry" is entirely, completely, 100% fabricated. Personally, I find it hard to believe that a 15 year old girl who is obviously articulate, intelligent, with a great family behind her, was not allowed back into school because of a dispute the school had with her father (this bright girl has know idea what the fight is about), can't get into ANY other school, had her diary stolen and sent to a magazine for everyone to see. I'm sure that some families struggle with schools but usually there is a very blatant reason as to why the school has a problem with the child. This story is a little to much to believe.

5mom

Thu, Oct 29 2015, 8:45 am

sky wrote:

And the MO community is not growing the way the Lakewood community is, How many more students are added to the registration every year? In Lakewood it is a few hundred. Its a very different setup. Family sizes are very large and you have literally hundreds of new couples moving to town yearly.

I do believe there was a post by a MO mother explaining there were plenty of issues with their system, and kids were turned away from schools that they very badly wanted to get into. So if a teen has 3 MO high schools picked out he would like to attend he is guaranteed to get into one of the 3?

Right. I specifically mentioned that the growth rates are different. Lakewood has more new children each year. But from the time a child is born until he or she starts school you have a few years. There's no need for this to be a surprise.

Yes there are issues with the MO system - particularly in keeping tuition affordable and in getting good staff (related), but not with placing students.

I've never heard of a kid who didn't get into his/her top 3 schools. Usually kids get into their first or second choice. At worst, an elementary school guidance counselor will suggest a program for a child whose special needs can't be met by a mainstream school.

sky

Thu, Oct 29 2015, 9:08 am

5mom wrote:

Who is paying to establish these new schools. The existing parent body is strapped for cash and the new parents who move to town, part of the reason, is the $5 - 6 K\ year tuition. They don't want to start shelling out more to start schools, they just want to pay tuition.

Someone we know recently started a school. Just for the first year the amount needed was astronomical. He was fundraising every single day (he called us for money and every other person he knew) - you need a building, teacher, secretary, principal, desks, supplies, remedial help for kriah, etc. Tuition from 25 girls isn't coming close to covering that.
There isn't 'incentive' for anyone to put themselves out there, and then once you do have a successful school you get called all sort of names for not adding an additional 2 classes per year and growing the class sizes to 30.

Chayalle

Thu, Oct 29 2015, 9:25 am

5mom wrote:

Let me give you an idea of the numbers, just so you know. And this was 4 years ago, so it's more than that, now.

Four years ago my oldest was in 8th grade. One of the schools we applied to was school X. It was actually our 3rd choice (we had to apply to 3 schools - this has gone up to 4) though we of course didn't share that with the administration.

As part of the process in that school, DH and I met with the administrator. He asked us why we were interested in his school, and I responded that I liked that it was a small school (at that time it was 2 classes, about 50 girls per grade).

He laughed in my face (nicely). He told me that there were about 600 8th graders that year (it was a relatively small grade across the board) to be accepted to high school, but that there were about 2400 (you read that right) girls in Primary. That means, they have 8 years to quadruple the high schools in Lakewood in order to accommodate the growth.

Chayalle

Thu, Oct 29 2015, 9:39 am

glutenless wrote:

I personally know someone who had exactly that problem a few years ago. Their dd did not get into the school her friends were going to, but she did get into a different, good school. They said no to the second school because their dd absolutely needed to be with her friends. Even though most girls leave high school with different friends than they started with, it didn't matter to them.

Well their daughter didn't get into the school her friends were going to, and school was starting. They went back to the second school and guess what, they refused to take her. By then they had already taken lots of other girls and they weren't really interested in these unreasonable parents anymore. Eventually, a few weeks after school started, the second school agreed to take her.

The whole time the parents were blaming the schools. Well, you knew what's going on in Lakewood before you even started applying. Yes, it is a problem and it shouldn't be so hard to get your child into the school you want. But face reality and don't play games with your child's life. I heard all this first hand from the mother, so it's not like somebody else made up a story about them.

ETA, I do believe that some people really do get screwed by the schools, but there are plenty of people who ruin it for themselves.

When my oldest started high school, she went without her 2 best friends (BTW they all split up and are still very close, getting together all the time and having lots to talk about being in 3 different schools) but there were 8 girls in her class going to her high school, so she did go in with a "chevra" - a good feeling.

Fast forward 3 years and my next daughter found herself in a class where only 2 other girls were going to this high school, and not necessarily her "chevra". My daughter is a popular, fun-loving, into-the-action type of girl, and it was hard for her to face going to a different high school than all of her friends. She also got lots of lovely comments, like "I can't believe you're going to school X"...and stuff like that.

We had lots of nights with tears all thru the year. My happy-go-lucky daughter became acquainted with an emotion she had rarely known before in her life - being nervous about going to high school practically on her own. DH and I agonized a bit (privately) about whether we should consider trying for another school (and killing ourselves in the process) and decided not to drive ourselves nuts, and just accept the situation.

We spent lots of times reassuring her, building her up, telling her that high school is a time to make new friends and that she's a terrific girl and will B"EH be fine, that just like she has made friends in elementary school, she will B"EH make new friends.

And she is doing fine B"H. The phone rings off the hook, she's busy busy busy with all sorts of activities, and life is new and fresh, the girl sitting next to her, a distant cousin she never met before who is now in her class, and even the 2 girls from her last-year class who she wasn't friendly with before and now finds herself talking to. Plus the tons of other girls who also came to high school without their whole gang, all in the same boat, all getting to know each other.

I do believe it's our job as parents to be flexible and to feed our kids positive messages. To tell them they can do it, and that they can succeed in whatever school they end up in.