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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section

Wedding question

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amother

Brunette

Tue, Jan 19 2016, 1:23 pm

hi, my sister is marrying off her daughter. I would like to know if someone can tell me. what the order is for dancing. I know it goes like this but please correct me.

kallah and mother
kallah and motherinlaw
kallah and maternal grandmother
kallah and paternal grandmother
what comes next?
(please dont laugh as I dont knwo I never look)

amother

Brunette

Tue, Jan 19 2016, 1:27 pm

I am the kallahs maternal aunt(does that sound normal?) so where do I fit in?

Ema of 5

Tue, Jan 19 2016, 1:29 pm

amother wrote:

I am the kallahs maternal aunt(does that sound normal?) so where do I fit in?

Whenever she pulls you in. I didn't know there is an actual list and order for these things....

thunderstorm

Tue, Jan 19 2016, 1:30 pm

Usually Kallahs sisters and then sisters in law go after the grandmothers...then she will pull you in when she has a chance....

amother

Aqua

Tue, Jan 19 2016, 1:32 pm

depending on how close you are with your niece. or when her other aunts are dancing with her you can step in then.

busydev

Tue, Jan 19 2016, 2:17 pm

Mother
Mil
Grandmothers and gmils
Sisters and sils
Aunts and aunt in laws.... Cousins....other relatives

oliveoil

Tue, Jan 19 2016, 2:19 pm

eema of 3 wrote:

Whenever she pulls you in. I didn't know there is an actual list and order for these things....

Many people do make a list beforehand, and one person has the "job" of subtly making sure it is followed as best as possible. It's really just a way to make sure nobody is left out, especially with big families where the kallah might not know all the new relatives yet.

greenfire

Tue, Jan 19 2016, 2:35 pm

the only thing that is a must in my opinion would be the mothers - after that - it's whoever hops the fastest

so long as you don't leave someone important out of the family ...

Raisin

Tue, Jan 19 2016, 2:38 pm

I don't recall being given a list. But it makes sense. By one family wedding I was completely missed out.

STMommy

Tue, Jan 19 2016, 3:16 pm

Agree with Busydev.

OOTBubby

Tue, Jan 19 2016, 3:23 pm

Yes, sibs come next. When DD got married there were so many sisters & sisters-in-law (she's from a family of 12 and her DH is from a family of 14) that it took her the entire first dance to get through all of them!

Chayalle

Tue, Jan 19 2016, 4:11 pm

By my youngest sister's wedding, she danced with her MIL and husband's sister and SIL first....we told her to do that....B"AH she's one of 12, and they have just those 2....we felt they'd wait forever if they had to go after us.

(What was annoying was a certain rather tactless relative who pushed her way in to dance with sis, along with her DIL and granddaughters, ahead of us. Apparently they come before us sisters who practically raised my little sister....oh well everyone has one or two of those in their extended family.....)

After we sisters came sis's nieces. It was awesome how each of them just went up in age order (irrespective of whose child they were) one after another after another....celebrating the simcha of their favorite aunt.

watergirl

Tue, Jan 19 2016, 6:24 pm

And where does the kallah's step mother come in? A big fear of mine...

ra_mom

Tue, Jan 19 2016, 6:39 pm

watergirl wrote:

And where does the kallah's step mother come in? A big fear of mine...

With the moms. After her mom or after her mother-in-law.

agreer

Tue, Jan 19 2016, 8:48 pm

watergirl wrote:

And where does the kallah's step mother come in? A big fear of mine...

Probably also depends how close you are... so make sure you are close!

wiki

Tue, Jan 19 2016, 11:12 pm

Busydev has it pretty much right, but it's important that no one take these things too rigidly. The idea is to have people not be left out or excluded, and if an order makes things less stressful for the kallah, that's great, but it certainly should not to add to anyone's anxiety about their "ranking" or about being snubbed. Anyone who takes the order too personally is asking for hurt feelings.

Note that the grandmas--if they are older, slower, or less into dancing--might not be in position as the circle is formed, and sometimes come in at later points in the first set.

Also, every family's relationships have differing degrees of closeness, and there's nothing wrong with a family where an aunt who is super-super close with the kallah gets in there before a more distant sister-in-law.

baby12x

Wed, Jan 20 2016, 3:50 am

wiki wrote:

yes- but it is important to make sure that the kallah dances with certain "key people" ex. a grandmother.
My sisters and I (as encouraged by my mothers and aunts) made sure that we danced with out grandmothers right away. even if it meant slowing down the dancing or goign to the edge of the circle. Its a good idea to have someone: a cousin , close friend, who knows to make sure to have the relatives "in place" ex, walk the grandmother into the circle when she knows the kallah will dance with her

oliveoil

Wed, Jan 20 2016, 5:17 pm

watergirl wrote:

And where does the kallah's step mother come in? A big fear of mine...

ra_mom wrote:

With the moms. After her mom or after her mother-in-law.

Not necessarily. It depends tremendously on the relationship with the kallah, and also with the extended family (especially the real mother, if she is alive). Also, when the stepmother came into the picture, if she was married to the custodial parent, etc.

Eg. there can be a kallah whose mother passed away when she was very young, father remarried shortly thereafter the stepmother raised her. or there can be a kallh whose parents are divorced, who sees her father a couple of times a month, and he is married to step-mom, with a new family. These would be very different relationships. Of course, there is the full gamut in between.

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