Kid acts different at home and school

musicmom

Thu, Jan 21 2016, 2:32 pm

Hi,

I have a 4 year old son who acts incredibly smart and appropriate at home and interacts/ plays/ and shares and is incredibly giving with his three siblings, who are all very close to the same age (5,3, 1). At school he has not developed very close friendships yet, although the children do not live in our area. At our shul I observe him playing normally with the other children we know. At school he had some difficulty sitting still at circle time, so we enrolled him in Tai'Kwon Do, which is three days a week. This is where his behavior is the worst. He began swinging his arms there, and sits or lays down while all the other kids are participating, or playing with his yarmulke (which he NEVER does, he even wears it to bed). I guess I will have to start making play dates, which is going to be hard since I work full time, just not sure what is going on. I know he wants attention, and we try to give it to him. I am feeling guilty that when he was a baby he was so easy and required so little attention, and his other siblings were kind of demanding it, so I don't know if he remembers that about when he was a baby... He slept through the night since he was born (I pumped the milk), he never wanted to cuddle (now he does) he spoke in complete sentences at 8 months, so he never really talked or acted like a baby, until his upshernish, when he began the baby talk, and missing his ponytail, etc. Any ideas? I did make an appointment with the doctor, but I spoke to the school teacher and behavior specialist, and he is doing better at school, so it seems he is saving all his very worst behaviors for the Tai Kwon Do class, which I have unfortunately paid for through the end of May.

mummiedearest

Thu, Jan 21 2016, 2:42 pm

musicmom wrote:

it sounds like he really doesn't enjoy tai kwon do. three times a week for a disliked activity is a lot for a four year old. not sitting in circle time: do you know how long circle time is? some teachers spend too much time on it. find out if there is an assistant joining circle time or if she is off in a corner preparing arts and crafts. I have seen teachers send the assistant elsewhere for circle time. this means the flow of circle time is interrupted every time a kid gets up/moves/disrupts things, because the teacher has to stop focusing on the lesson and has to deal with an individual child. once circle time is interrupted, it takes longer than it should. not all kids can sit for the entirety of circle time, and this isn't necessarily a concern. does the teacher include songs in the middle that require a toy? giving the kids shakers or tambourines is a great break from just sitting.

your son sounds really smart. it's possible he is bored with school and can't relate to his classmates. has the teacher expressed concern over his lack of solid friendships? four year olds don't necessarily form those. as long as he's interacting appropriately with the other kids, you don't have to push the playdates. he may just need some alone time to unwind. is he an introvert? if so, he needs to have time at home to relax, entertain himself, and have some mommy reassurance. tai kwon do would be the opposite of what he needs. it's possible he'll enjoy it more when he's older. can you transfer the tuition for tai kwon do to another student? maybe a friend wants to take over the rest of the classes.