My son is not tolerable of other children in house HELP

amother

Emerald

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 8:51 pm

my 13 Year old son (who has adhd/ very mildly on spectrum and takes concerta) comes home from school, and gets extremely agitated from anyone that makes a drop of noise, chew supper the wrong way, touches him etc.... basically he doesnt tolerate anyone when he comes home. now I know it would be so nice for him to come home after a long day of school, to total peace and quiet, but the reality is we have a busy household, it's usually suppertime when he walks in, and by him getting annoyed at the slightest thing, he is the biggest disturbance.
how can I teach him to be more tolerant?
(just an example, tonight my kids were eating supper, as soon as he walked in, I prepared him a plate and he sat down to eat, my 7 year old that was sitting next to him, was chewing in a non polite way with his mouth open. He got so mad, pushed his plate away and said, uchh I have no apetite. (this is a kid who usually doesnt eat lunch because of effect of concerta, and supper is an important meal for him) he went to couch to brood, and sat there in a bad mood, refused to eat, and if anyone looked at him, or said even one word to him he snapped.
He gets irritated from the slightest things, and then really doesnt function well.
I would love some advice/insight/experience etc....
Thanx!

imasinger

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 9:16 pm

I can totally relate. BTDT. Betcha he was not Mr Perfect Table Behavior when he was younger, either. You can smile about that, but also deserve some applause for having taught him the right way to chew, etc.

Have you tried sitting down at a quiet time, maybe late at night, in the car, or during free time, to brainstorm? Maybe give him a choice -- if he is up to dealing with family dinner table, he can have family meal, but is required to speak politely, as critical comments are wayy ruder than chewing with mouth open. Or perhaps he can have a sandwich in a separate room on the nights where he needs more quiet and space.

If he is getting speech or ABA, or any form of counseling, see if you can enlist some support in reinforcing appropriate tone with sibs.

Be sure that he is getting enough time, and meaningful praise from you -- some of this behavior can stem from jealousy.

And do your best to comment positively every time he does or says something supportive, about what a caring brother he is. He may internalize that image of himself eventually. Also highlight anything that shows how they look up to him.

If all else fails, talk to your prescriber -- maybe a pickup dose of evening stimulant, plus melatonin before bed; or guanfacine.

amother

Purple

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 9:56 pm

My son is like this. I have given him permission to isolate himself. Usually he is then able to come and socialize when he has calmed down. If he doesn't like the smell or someone else's dinner (I.e. fish) he can eat in a different room. Same thing for noise and chewing.

If his siblings are too loud when he needs to do homework, he is responsible for finding a quiet space.

Your son needs to be proactive about finding himself solutions. I don't force my son to eat with everyone else and often, when I tell him nicely he can go somewhere else, he does actually decide to stay.

chani8

Wed, Feb 10 2016, 4:32 am

This is a side effect from the concerta. When it wears off, the crabby sets in. I would explain that to him, that the meds wearing off make him sensitive, and ask what you can do to make it less painful for him. Definitely let him eat his dinner in a more private area. It's a reasonable need.

amother

Rose

Wed, Feb 10 2016, 10:31 am

I had a similar situation with my son who takes 90 mg concerta in the morning, 20 mg methylphenidate at 4pm and was still extremely irritable & argumentative every. single. night. It truly made life intolerable.

The doctor recommended 100 mg L-theanine in the afternoon. He said it's an amino acid with no side effects & may help in calming him down. I bought
http://www.amazon.com/gp/produ.....1_s01

He's been taking it for a while and I really wasn't sure if it was helping at all. The doctor recommended that we try 200 mg L-theanine instead of 100 mg.

Wow. What a difference. He's much more mellow & pleasant to be around. I bought this brand on amazon: http://www.amazon.com/gp/produ.....0_s00

It helped us & it might be worth a try for you. Ask your doctor. Good luck!

amother

Emerald

Wed, Feb 10 2016, 8:32 pm

amother wrote:

thank you, I will discuss these options with my dr. I just dont want to constantly drug him up... the concerta has made a world of a difference in school, he's not perfect, but at least hes not hanging from the ceiling.... what happens in the evening, I think is something he needs to learn to control, but I might be wrong. I will definitely see what his dr. reccomends

amother

Khaki

Wed, Feb 10 2016, 9:45 pm

As someone with sensory issues,I feel for him! And for you, though, because I know we can be very difficult to live with. (I also can lose my appetite from the sound of someone making gross chewing noises.) IME, stimulants do increase sensory issues (even something like caffeine) but if it's the best option you have right now, you may just have to get help to train him to be less sensitive. Maybe speak to his doctor about who's the proper person to see. (Not sure if OT or behavioral therapist.)
When he reacts like this, please don't minimize what he's sensing. It can be pretty torturous for some and it can make him "fight" back harder, because he'll feel like he's not validated. On the other hand, I'm not sure that isolating him from these things is a good long-term solution because lack of exposure will increase his sensitivity to these things and he's going to have to learn to cope in real life. Whoever you send him to for this, please make sure they have experience with highly sensitive people.

amother

Lime

Wed, Feb 10 2016, 9:48 pm

amother wrote:

Exactly what I was referring to, my pre-teenage child is highly sensory and the scene you described seemed to be just that, I took my child to OT it definitely decreased his issue somewhat.

Sparkle

Wed, Feb 10 2016, 11:14 pm

2/4 of my kids have severe sensory issues, and what I teach them is this:
Your sensitivities are real and legitimate, but most of the rest of the world doesn't experience taste, sound, light, texture, etc. the way you do. You have the right to figure out how to make things easier for yourselves but:
1. not in a way that is rude and
2. not in a way that inconveniences others greatly.

So within those parameters, if I were your son's mother I would be encouraging him to eat before or after, maybe choose who he sits next to, etc. But he cannot be rude to his siblings. He can try something like, "I know you don't mean to be annoying me, but your chewing is really bothering me." I role play a lot with my kids to prepare them for stating their needs politely in the world. Too many adults out there aren't functioning well because they never figured out how to deal with their sensory issues amidst the rest of society. We, as parents need to teach our kids how to cope. These sensory things are very real.