Defiant 3 yr old | Imamother

amother

Babypink

Sun, Apr 03 2016, 10:10 am

My sweet docile baby girl is turning into a super aggressive troublemaking toddler. She's 3.5. She has an older brother and a younger brother. She was always demanding and as she grew older became somewhat mischievous. In the past 3 months she has become physically aggressive, grabbing, pushing... And recently will hurt others unprovoked- hair pulling hitting... Both children and adults. When I tell her to stop or ask her why, she laughs. She also does things she shouldn't, goes where she shouldn't, and frequently says no when I ask/ tell her something.
When these behaviors started I reprimanded then time out, then ... But I didn't feel good about it. Her reaction was always to weep bitterly and promise not to do it again. Then immediately do it again, sometimes laughing while she did. So I decided to give her more attention, praise, positive reinforcement... Which she loves. But after a month her aggressive behavior had escalated. She's very shy/ timid in new environments or when around strangers. At home, the park, even the Drs office, and other familiar places she is so aggressive.
I tried to include lots of detail because I need help. And hope some of u can offer advice based on the info I've shared. Tx

amother

Powderblue

Mon, Apr 04 2016, 12:23 pm

Does she have any sensory issues? Maybe she is having a hard time regulating herself.
Sometimes kids have built up frustration/irritability from sensory issues (or really anything else like anxiety, feeling out of control, needing more attention) and need help regulating themselves.
Try giving her lots of sensory input throughout the day and see if it helps her not have to seek it through hurting. Like a deep back rub/ jumping on a trampoline/ going on swings
If she is unable to control herself and is hurting, try holding her on your lap until you feel like she is calm and in control of herself. If she struggles to get away you can wrap your arms around her (giving her more deep sensory input) and remind her that she has to be perfectly calm until she can go down.
This way she isnt being "banished" through a time out, and you are lowering her tension (even if intially the tension rises when she sees she isnt getting off easy)
Teach her ways to calm down- counting slowly to ten, slow breathing, making her body feel loose