Camp - are your kids allowed to call home?

amother

Burlywood

Sat, Jun 04 2016, 10:43 pm

so, when I was a kid and went to sleep away camp, we had payphones and had lots of opportunites to call home.
I just checked the mailings from the camp my son is going to, first time sending anyone to camp. It says we cant call him, he also cant call us except for once a week on fridays Sad

that sounds crazy to me. what if he is homesick? what if I am missing him? what if he just wants to hear the sound of our voices and vice versa? what happens if htere is a simcha or chas v'shalom the opposite in the family? so we cant tell him? it sounds overly controlling to me. Like - you give us our son, we will cut him off from his family for 4 weeks while we give him a camp experience that you are paying through the roof for Sad

. Am I right or wrong?
so, my question is: is this really accurate? or will my son really be able to talk to us more than once a week? anyone who has expereince with this, please could you weigh in here., thanks!

the camp is Bonim btw. Thanks

amother

Smokey

Sat, Jun 04 2016, 10:50 pm

amother wrote:

I think it's extreme but don't expect to hear from them on Fridays either...
When I went to camp for the first time the lines at the pay phones were so crazy that I couldn't call from it ever. My parents called the camp worried because they didn't hear from us since being dropped off at the airport. The girls on the phone were there for hours, talking to every sibling it seemed for 10 minutes. (Who else could they be talking to for 45 minutes?) and the phones were shut off during the day so there was only 2 hours at Night. There really should have been a staff member timing girls and giving a 2 minute warning before shutting off the phones on them.
The head of camp let us use her phone after a frantic call from home. Maybe try that?

Rachel Shira

Sat, Jun 04 2016, 11:14 pm

I work at a camp with a strict no cell phone policy and one day a week to call home (we make sure that everyone calls then). Please trust the camp on this. If he's homesick, it will usually only make it worse to talk to you - and hopefully there will be a staff member with enough common sense to let him call if it's really an issue.
If there's an emergency, you can contact the director or someone else at the camp and they'll have your son call you.
This is a wonderful opportunity for your son to be more independent - it will only benefit him and he'll grow a lot. It will be harder for you than for him - but know that you're giving him a gift in letting him have his own experiences without you. Phone calls every day would get in the way of that, and take away from the camp experience.
How old is your son?

amother

Burlywood

Sat, Jun 04 2016, 11:17 pm

Rachel Shira wrote:

he is just 13, he's not my oldest child, but the first one who wants to go to ovenight camp. he is the only one who at age 13 ever let me hug and kiss him, he is my cute boy, always kind and sensitive to everyone's feelings, a great helper, and the light of my life. I am feeling so miserable at the thought of him being away altogether and this makes it even worse! I am just not ready to let go Sad

If this was my 16 yr old then I could deal with it so much better because he is so much more independent.

Rachel Shira

Sat, Jun 04 2016, 11:26 pm

amother wrote:

If this was my 16 yr old then I could deal with it so much better because he is so much more independent.

I know, it's so hard to let them go. It will really be great for him though. If he has an older, more independent brother maybe this will be a good chance for him to be on his own for a bit and start forging his own independence.
I would say to hide your sadness about it from him as much as humanly possible - let him see that you're happy for him and happy that he's going to have a great summer. Tell him you're looking forward to his phone call once a week but if he's having too much fun to call, that's fine too. Very Happy

The month will go by faster than you know it.

little_mage

Sun, Jun 05 2016, 4:03 am

When I went to sleep away camp as a kid, we didn't call home. Period. I assume if there had a been a real emergency a call would have been made, but there wasn't an option for campers to call home. We had to write letters. At least once a week they gave us a form letter to fill out to ensure that something made it home (they were kind of joke among the campers, but as an adult it does make sense). I do know in the later years I was there, some of the staff members took pictures and put them up online where parents could access them so that they could see what their kids were doing. If your camp does something like that, it might help even if they aren't hearing from you.

Sun, Jun 05 2016, 4:14 am

little_mage wrote:

This was also my experience.

We were required to write once a week, but there was time to write more frequently if desired. Parents could write as often as they wanted, of course. This was before email; now some camps have a limited email system to allow campers to receive messages from home.

The school of thought is that frequent phone calls make homesickness worse, not better, and interfere with the camper fully integrating into the camp experience.

amother

Brown

Sun, Jun 05 2016, 4:20 am

When I went to camp, there were no phone calls at all, the entire 8 weeks. We wrote letters, which these days is a lost art anyway (and no, I'm not that old, I'm under 30). But mail distribution time was exciting- letters and possibly packages :-) We were allowed to call home if we had a birthday (I happen to have a summer birthday) and if chv there's an emergency, you can call the camp and they will bring your child into the office to take your call, which is what I assume you'd do if you had to contact him during the school day. It'll be a great experience and a good lesson in living off the grid for a few weeks, which is refreshing. I went to camp 8 weeks starting from the age of 9 and I still miss it to this day. At 13 he'll be more than fine.

Amarante

Sun, Jun 05 2016, 4:22 am

No phone calls and no cell phones are the norm because they don't want kids perpetuating their homesickness.

It's also a time for children to be free of helicopter parenting.

When I went to camp, there were no phone calls at all - either in or out although as one poster wrote, presumably in the event of a real emergency parents would be contacted or parents would contact the camp.

At 13, a child should be capable of going at least a week, if not more without talking to their parents. I don't recall anyone in my bunk being unduly homesick. I loved my parents but I don't remember missing them unduly after the first few hours when I had bonded with my bunk mates. Honestly I am not even sure I thought of them because I was having so much fun. :-)

animeme

Sun, Jun 05 2016, 4:37 am

In camp, 13 is not young for a first time camper.

Check if Bonim has a parent email service. Many camps allow you to email your camper, and they will print it out and give it to them at mail time. That let's you contact him.

On the flip side, they will judge if ds is an exception of a kid who really needs to call home, and allow it under those circumstances. Otherwise, expect a quick phone call erev Shabbos. If you want to know how he's doing, check in with his division head and ask. He or someone else will call you back and tell you. And yes, for emergencies and occasions, phone calls are allowed/arranged. But please don't feel offended if his calls (including erev Shabbos) are short. He's busy there. And a boy, on the phone.

pbandjelly

Sun, Jun 05 2016, 5:53 am

Most camps let you send an email to your child and they print them out for them. You can send one everyday! Or every other day! Also nice to encourage siblings or other family members to send an email once in a while. It can make Your child feel very special at camp. Also you can mail letters or packages. It is always fun to get a package with treats or just fun stuff in camp!

You can encourage your child to write a letter once a week or so to mail to you. It can be helpful if you type up or write out fill in the blank letters for him and send them with him to camp with pre addressed envelopes.

Fill in the blank letters sample:
I'm in bunk number _____
My counselor name is _______
I'm Friends with _____
Favorite activities are _____
Favorite food___
Etc...

sneakermom

Sun, Jun 05 2016, 6:07 am

I understand you op. I would also much prefer to speak to my child easily. Without waiting a week, without her waiting on hour long lines, or needing special permission.

I want to know she got there ok. That her bunk is working out. That she's feeling fine. If there's anything important that she wants to tell me or get off her chest.

I am not a helicopter parent. I just like to touch base. Camp is a big change. A lot goes on. And it's important to connect for a few minutes to process it and to make sure all is well.

If I went away for a week you can be sure I would touch base with my husband and kids so why not vise versa?

amother

Burlywood

Sun, Jun 05 2016, 6:39 am

thank you everyone gfor your responses. Thanks for trying to make me feel better! Thank you to Sneakermom who was the only one who really understands my feeelings! That is EXACTLY how I feel . what if he is sad, what if he is being bulied, what is chas v'shalom there is some inappropriate behaviour towards him. It feels overly controlling to me. I loved camp. I was homesick a little bit, especially on friday nights. but I knew I could talk to my parents briefly everyday if I wanted to as long as I didnt run out of money for the payphone....

is there anything I can do about this? it really doesnt sit well with me at all, so much so that I really regret signing him up for camp at all. I cant believe that this is how all camps run Sad

I think its crazy. my husband was against him going in the first place, he is going to be so mad when he finds out about this. he (we) is so nervous about abuse and bullying. Precisely, emerald amother... my kid is so sweet and gentle, he is an easy target for bullies. any suggestions? can I make a request from the camp to talk t him more often? I just cant see him going away on sunday and not talking to him till friday,to know that he got there okay, that he is comfortable, that kids are being nice to him, etc... please advise Sad

animeme

Sun, Jun 05 2016, 7:01 am

amother wrote:

What if something happens to child in camp, that child could have informed you over the phone? What if Chas vsholom there is some sort of abuse going on in camp, and you child is witness, or worse?

Every child who goes away to camp should be given "the speech" about abuse, inappropriate touch, and bullying. As part of my speech to my kids, I include the need to be assertive if something happens, to walk into the office and say "something has happened and I need to call my parents, immediately."

Camps are very conscious about these things right now. The office staff may say, "Campers can't call home," but if you teach your child to insist one more time that "something has happened and I need to call home NOW", they will show him to a private phone and let him call.

gp2.0

Sun, Jun 05 2016, 7:15 am

I think it's sick and the policy is in place because people running the camp don't want to be inconvenienced. Staff members have access to phones whenever they want. The phone lines are insane on Fridays. The kids have down time every day, there's no reason why they shouldn't be able to call home then. The policy is in place because what ends up happening is kids missing part of activities or messing up schedules because they were on the phone.

I used to get up early sometimes and call then, before the day's activities started and there was no one around to tell me off.

Rachel Shira

Sun, Jun 05 2016, 7:19 am

amother wrote:

Why don't you give the director a call? They may or may not allow your son to call when he gets there as that's prime homesickness time (hasn't had a chance to settle in, meet anyone, unpack and settle in, etc) but I would bet that they'd be happy to check in with him that night or the next morning, get a feel for how he's doing, and give you an update. Who knows, maybe they'll let him call - there are people behind these policies and part of their job is to know when to bend a rule. So definitely ask - it's good to be in touch with the camp in any case.
Believe me, I understand how you feel.
At 13, though, it really is time to let him have an experience and an adventure without having to check in with you. The camp will assure his safety (and will be happy to keep you posted) but they've probably learned that allowing frequent or first-night phone calls home is not a good idea. We learned the same thing. Either the child is happy and settling in and doesn't even think of his mother, or he's miserably crying and wants to call his mother - and I promise that a teary phone call like that doesn't help the kid or the parent. (Of course we make exceptions if the child says that after he talks to his mother, he'll be calm, or if the mother absolutely insists - but it often doesn't end so well and that will be the last exception for that child. If there's someone who really needs that nightly 2 minutes to hear his mother's good night and then goes back calmly to his bunk, we allow it happily even for the whole summer).
I urge you to let his camp experience happen as it happens and it will only do him good. But definitely speak to the director about it if only to make you feel calmer - but I hope they'll work with you on this.
You're giving your son a real gift! It will all work out.