Frum ghettoes | Imamother

amother

Goldenrod

Thu, Jun 09 2016, 6:55 pm

How important is it to you to live on a block with other frum families? All else considered, would you pay a premium just to live on a "Jewish" block?

We recently bought a house on a block with 2 other Jewish families and no frum families. It's less than 10 minute walk to shul so it's not like we're in the boonies. For the size and price range we were looking for it really was the best choice. Still I wonder if my kids are missing out by not having close frum neighbors.

What are your thoughts/experiences?

joy613

Thu, Jun 09 2016, 8:40 pm

For me, having frum neighbors close by is very important. It actually would be the one of my top qualifiers in deciding on a place to live. Not just for my kids but for myself also.

But everyone is different and you're kids will likely get used to it. They'll have to play more with each other.

seeker

Thu, Jun 09 2016, 8:57 pm

I don't need or even want to live on a block that's ALL frum, but I would want to have at least a couple of like-minded families within a block or so. I find my kids have a hard time making close friends because the kids who go to their schools (I.e. the only frum ones here) live closer to each other than to us - even though we're only about 3 blocks from the nearest ones, they live on the same blocks as each other so they never come our way and when we go to them we still feel like outsiders coming to visit. And they will need a parent to bring them until an older age. At this point it seems this is a significant social and lifestyle disadvantage. I encourage my kids to make friends with the people who do live closer to us (some not frum, mostly not Jewish), but it's not going to be the same type of relationship as the frum kids growing up on the same block have.

amother

Goldenrod

Thu, Jun 09 2016, 9:02 pm

seeker wrote:

This is basically our situation. The other families live within a block or two of each other and we're kind of the outliers.

But would you choose to live in a smaller, more expensive house just to have frum neighbors?

seeker

Thu, Jun 09 2016, 9:37 pm

amother wrote:

It depends how much smaller and how much more expensive. Obviously you need to do what makes sense - that's why I'm not closer in myself. But if it wasn't a huge difference, if it wasn't "afford a house or not afford a house?" but "we're moving; should we do this block or that block?" then I think at least some frum neighbors could be a tipping factor. If trends indicate that frum families are likely to spread to your block then maybe it's worth that gamble, I've seen it work for other people. but if it's just not a happening neighborhood, I'd be wary.

MMCH

Thu, Jun 09 2016, 10:58 pm

we don't own a house nor have we started looking yet..

howerver,
I did live OOT in an area with no other frum jews around and it was extremely isolating at the time.
Now that I live on a block that is 98% frum I like it. My kids play with the neighbors all the time, there is always someone to play with outside, I could always borrow a quick ingredient.

I wonder how I would feel if it came down to frum block vs bigger house.

amother

Teal

Thu, Jun 09 2016, 11:16 pm

We moved not long ago and had the exact same question. We ended up going for the bigger, much nicer house about 2 blocks away from where the neighborhood starts to be all frum. I'm so happy we made that decision. For us, the house was important. Had we been looking only on the all frum blocks we would've been limited to a much smaller house on a smaller lot that's way overpriced to begin with. There are frum people scattered around us and we're right near a park that has plenty of people on Shabbos. Happens to me, it suits both DH and I to be a little out of the way. We can do our own thing and not feel like there's no privacy or always need to be social just walking outside to get the mail or hanging out in the backyard. also, based on the trend of the last few years, the community is spreading out towards us and hopefully there will be more and more families on this and surrounding blocks. I hope this helped, I think it has a lot to do with personality and personal preferences.

amother

Mauve

Fri, Jun 10 2016, 1:17 am

amother wrote:

Are you in Jackson or toms river by any chance?

seeker

Fri, Jun 10 2016, 1:24 am

I think it matters more to the kids than to the adults. Adults are portable. You can walk a little farther to a different shul or friend or whatever. Kids aren't that easy to transport. We have a playground on our block that almost never has a single frum kid in it. To get to the next playground would be a 2-minute no-brainer for me, throw a little kid into the mix and all of a sudden you need to mobilize the whole family and if there are toddlers involved the walk could take forever on a Shabbos.

FranticFrummie

Fri, Jun 10 2016, 9:16 am

I didn't grow up in a frum area, so I'm really not used to it. DH and I are frum but out of the box, so it was tricky finding a place to settle when we made Aliyah. We had the whole country to choose from. We settled in Nahariya because it had frum Jews in it, a non moshiast Chabad, and was a mixed bag of people. I like the variety, and the freedom to be myself.

DD does not have any friends too close, but we make the effort to make sure that she gets to meet up with friends after school at one home or another. When she goes to school in Ma'alot next year, I don't know where her friends will be living, as they come from all over by bus.

Overall, we're very happy with out decision, and our rent is dirt cheap compared to many other towns!

thunderstorm

Fri, Jun 10 2016, 9:27 am

I went from living in a block with hundreds of frum families to being the only Jewish people on our block. I like it better this way. We do have about 4 frum neighbors within a block away, so my kids sometimes play with those kids. I only have boys, and the boys get to meet other neighborhood children on Shabbos and Yom Tov in shul. Unfortunately, I had negative experiences living between all frum people. Between the machlokes, the constant judging of others and chilul Hashem of mess....it was just preferable to move out. We have shuls within 5-10 minutes walking distance. My kids go to school every day and socialize there. I dont think they are missing out. Though the kids did enjoy having so many neighbors to choose from, they all still agree that where we are now is better.

sky

Fri, Jun 10 2016, 10:30 am

I would never want to live in a development where everyone is on top of each other.

But it is important for me for my kids to have quality friends near by.
Now that my kids are getting bigger and playing a lot with neighborhood kids I appreciate it a lot and see how important it is. Its a different perspective then when my kids were younger.

We live now in a really small house and one of the main things holding us here are the kids they play with. They have such wonderful friendships, and they are real good kids with healthy outlooks (especially in materialistic areas). I see what else is out there and I would rather be here. I see that is much more important than many of my own needs (I do have a backyard I can hang out in, with not as much privacy as I would love, but enough to keep me happy).

We also have a small shul a 2 minute walk from my home. My kids are able to come and go which I love. They are stuck going for either everything or nothing. So they can go just for leining, or chazak, just for 10 minutes. I find it very healthy adaptation to being comfortable in shul. If we were 10 minutes away we could not do that.

And an established neighborhood also gives a healthy mix of different ages. In shul there are 80, 60, 70, 50, 40, 30 year old people. A healthy mix of all different types and my kids have lots of role models in older age categories. I'd rather live in an area with many different ages and older role models than an area where everyone is the same age.