6 yo ds needs constant playing but wont play by himself

NYmommy

Mon, Jun 20 2016, 1:04 pm

My ds is 6, he is a very smart kid BH and kind of a girly boy. He doesn't like to run around or play with cars, trucks etc. The only thing he enjoys is playing board games, card games or his Nintendo (which I limit to weekends only). Problem is he demands my attention all day long to play with him. Even if I play with him for 2 hours he'd still not be happy because "I am bored if you don't play with me". Neighbor kids don't really enjoy playing games they like running around etc. Even if they do play its for a short time only & he gets bored again. I got him several one player games but he refuses to play with it. He hates playing outdoors too. I feel bad hes going around upset most of the day saying hes bored and has nobody to play with. How do I deal with this? I cant possibly play with him all day, I have more kids & more stuff to do around the house but I hate seeing him upset most of the day!

yksraya

Mon, Jun 20 2016, 2:55 pm

Perhaps he would like to draw or color, that is something he can do on his own.

It's ok to say "mommy is cooking now" etc. Kids need to learn to entertain themselves and you don't need to provide 24-7 entertainment, 2 hrs a day is a long time as is...

Try to buy enough arts and crafts, toys etc so that he has what to play with if he chooses to.

NYmommy

Mon, Jun 20 2016, 3:16 pm

I have two full closets loaded with toys and games. He never even looks at those. He does read from time to time but few minutes only. Its like he "has to" have another person for company at his side all day long! I do explain that im busy cooking or with other kids but he still goes around moping how bored is and nobody wants to play w him. Even while he plsay on his Nintendo he prefers to have someone next to him watching how he plays....

littleprincess

Mon, Jun 20 2016, 3:16 pm

My ds is also always bored and wants to play board games with us. Dd sometimes plays with him but her bedtime is an hour before his.
I let him have a friend over once a week after school and he goes to a friend on another day
He does enjoy playing some games on his own. I have Palino, rush hour and another few iq games. He also loves to read. I tried puzzles but he doesn't have patience to do them

amother

Oak

Mon, Jun 20 2016, 3:19 pm

Playing by himself is a skill that needs time to develop and the only way it can develop is if he has the opportunity to experience boredom. So don't be afraid of his being bored. If you know that your son has access to some basic, age-appropriate toys, games, books and maybe craft supplies - and I do mean basic - then he has what he needs. Not only is there no need for you to play with him for hours and hours and make sure his every moment is filled with entertainment, it can delay the development of the very skill you are trying to encourage. You may need to give him a suggestion or two when he complains that he has nothing to do, but then leave it up to him and give it time. Don't be afraid of boredom.

amother

Denim

Mon, Jun 20 2016, 3:28 pm

Have you got a good selection of one-person games? I invested in it and it was totally worthwhile. As another poster suggested, Palino, Rush Hour and IQ games are good choices. I also have Bop It Smash and Bop It Tetris, as well as a small electronic Tetris that has the simple tetris games only. Simon is a good game too.

amother

Hotpink

Mon, Jun 20 2016, 4:52 pm

I am an only child and I was always bored. The issue really isn't a lack of activities - it's loneliness. It's clear from what your wrote that your son wants company regardless of whether he's engaged in a solo activity or not. I was like that too at his age.

I like the idea posted above of asking teachers if there are other kids who share his interests.

Also, I recommend signing him up for some clubs or classes - these provide an activity and a social climate. A chess club would be great (there's one for this age where we live). If he's not into sports, ask your local library (ours had a summer book club) and JCC what they have for his age.

You could also try to set up play dates on a more regular basis (my parents did this for me a lot). Also, you could try to get the kids from outside to come in once in a while (offer a snack or something) just to get them in the door and then have them stay for a bit. If he becomes more friendly with them, he may just be willing to play outside more.

Also, you could try to find activities he can share with his siblings.

I recommend telling him that you are setting aside a bit of time for him every day (even if only 15 minutes) so at least he knows he has some social interaction with his most desired playmates (you) time built in. If your husband can do the same, that would be even better (or maybe the 2 of you can alternate). And pick an actual time - for example at 5 pm every day, mommy or daddy will spend 15 minutes playing a game with him (the consistency is key) He may complain that it's not enough, but I think it will eventually calm him a bit. It sounds like he might just need extra one-on-one with mommy and daddy.

Rutabaga

Mon, Jun 20 2016, 4:53 pm

Can he help you around the house?

If you are folding laundry or cooking or whatever when he comes looking for you, tell him he can either go entertain himself or he can help you do whatever it is you are doing. It's a win win. Either you'll gain a helper (once you train him a little) or he'll get bored of following you around and figure out how to entertain himself.

Alternatively, since you mentioned that you have other children, can you help them work out an arrangement where they spend some time playing what this child is interested in and then he spends some time playing what they want? That way he has built in playmates and maybe he'll expand his horizons and find other activities interesting as well. He may also not enjoy playing ball outside with the other kids because he's not good at it. Maybe you could help him find a physical activity that he excels at, even if that means private lessons for a while (if you can afford them). Or would he be interested in music lessons? That requires a lot of practice time and could keep him busy and give home something to shine at.

NYmommy

Mon, Jun 20 2016, 5:19 pm

Thanks for all your idea, I will certainly try it. His teacher did complain he does not play with the boys and hes coming to the teacher to 'talk' or just hangs around the teacher alot. When we asked him about it he complained all kids in his class just run around and play and he doesn't like that.

amother

Wheat

Mon, Jun 20 2016, 5:53 pm

I had this with my daughter at that age. We sat down together and came up with a list of activities that she could do on her own. Any time she said she was bored when I couldn't sit with her I would have her choose something from the list on the fridge (coloring, "reading", lie on couch and listen to story tape).
It was hard but somehow we made it ryhigh.

MMCH

Tue, Jun 21 2016, 8:25 am

thats my daughter shes almost 6 also!

this past school year I really worked on myself to teach her (in small increments) to be content with herself.
Shes the kind of kid who wakes up and with in 5 minutes is asking "what are we doing today? whats going to happen the whole day" and then she would come home from the bus and say "what are we going to do at home?" What should I do now" "I have nothing to play with " " I want a friend to play with"

It drives me crazy, shes been like this since she's little. She never played by herself, I blame myself, shes my oldest and I was always running around with her.

What I have been doing lately with her is giving her 3 choices before she even starts - like on the walk home from the bus or when we wake up I say " You can play with play doh, paint a project, or play with beads"
she has to choose one of those 3.

I make sure to talk to her while she plays, and keep her engaged, and ask her to sing songs, which she loves to do .

Its hard but work on it slowly. - its such an important skills that my other kids have and you can see such a difference.

animeme

Tue, Jun 21 2016, 8:28 am

He may need OT or social skills help. Many kids say, "I don't want to do what they're doing" when they really don't know how, or can't tolerate it. Is he uncoordinated, or doesn't like noise? Has he ever had playmates his own age? This is a great age to find and work on these things, if they apply.

I would still ask the teachers to identify a kid or two who could be a potential playmate or friend. In the meantime, let him do his one person games at the kitchen table while you cook, etc, if you can handle it.

Mama Bear

Tue, Jun 21 2016, 9:47 am

My oldest child is like that and he's been like that since toddlerhood. It has unfortunately not changed!!! He's 11 yrs old now and when he's home, I know I can forget about doing anything, he will need me all the time!!!... The good news is however that as they get older and their ability to read increases, such kids really get absorbed in a good book. The only distractions for him at that age were either videos or storytapes. The storytapes have grown with him and at this point I download those $1 yiddish stories and he gets so absorbed it's amazing. Kids like this who have intellectual interests and do not enjoy playing with kids their own age are in a class of their own, and raising them is not easy. You have my hugs and support here!

Mama Bear

Tue, Jun 21 2016, 9:48 am

Let me add: one of the techniques I used with him is to sit down and write a list of activities he does enjoy and he has to choose from that list. Or, I make him sit near me and chat while I do housework. I also keep trying out different solo activities he can do while I'm nearby: Coloring, drawing, painting, playdogh. I give him ideas of what he can make and he gets excited. My son is the creative/dreamer type and not athletic or social. It's hard.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jun 21 2016, 10:06 am

Rutabaga wrote:

Came here to say THIS.

I also think that you are offering him way too many activities. Get rid of anything that he's refusing to play with, or at least box it up and put it in the basement for awhile. It's time to get back to basics. For centuries, kids entertained themselves with rocks and sticks. It's an acquired skill, and takes practice. If he's not surrounded by things that he can reject and whine about, he might actually get bored enough to make up a game or two of his own.

Also, don't let him keep complaining to you that he's bored. Let him tell you once. The second time, say to him "I hear you saying that you're bored. What are you going to do about it?" DO NOT start solving his problems for him. You are just feeding the cycle, and robbing him of problem solving opportunities. Only offer suggestions that work for you, like helping clean dishes or fold laundry. He's free to reject those ideas, but then you are off the hook. After that, he needs to figure it out for himself.

cbg

Tue, Jun 21 2016, 10:15 am

What's wrong with being bored.
If your busy then just let him be bored"
He'll figure what to do if you ignore the moping around.
He'll nag and it will be hard, but don't give the moping and nagging ANY attention.
Do praise him when you find him entertaining himself, or playing with others.
Summer is here, I hope you can enrol him in camp.