"banning" a friend from your teen

Ruchel

Sun, Aug 19 2007, 10:57 am

greenfire wrote:

Ruchel wrote:

depending on if they think of the future and if they want to spare themselves difficulties Sad

now if they were only that mature ...

but I thought of consequences even before teenagehood... and I am not that mature... there is the first impulse to act to explore or "get revenge" on the parents.. and then there's your brain tell you "nope, BAD idea, because xyz"

amother

Sun, Aug 19 2007, 12:12 pm

Ruchel wrote:

greenfire wrote:

Ruchel wrote:

depending on if they think of the future and if they want to spare themselves difficulties Sad

now if they were only that mature ...

again ruchel, your parents obviously did a very good job raising you. this teen I am talking about (my sister, not my daughter. I'm sorry that my posts misled), is not as lucky as you. also, although she is eighteen and in sem her mental maturity is of a young teen.

Ruchel

Sun, Aug 19 2007, 12:20 pm

amother wrote:

Ruchel wrote:

greenfire wrote:

Ruchel wrote:

depending on if they think of the future and if they want to spare themselves difficulties Sad

now if they were only that mature ...

Some people here say I'm immature, so I probably understand her.
Anyway, I am sure if you find the good approach she will listen. You have to find what is important to her. Is it being asked for a shidduch a lot/easy dating? is it finding a great boy? is it staying/going to a well known sem? graduating with a good mark? find her goal and show her how and why her behaviour will make it difficult if not impossible unless she stops.

It didn't come easy for my parents either, they had many discussions with me but bh in the end I listened (it also helped that I didn't want to do horrible things, just silly ones). I hope my dd will be easier than I was, less strong headed.

amother

Fri, Aug 24 2007, 2:02 am

You can try to get around controlling who the friends are by controlling her environment instead . You might accomplish appropriate friends for your daughter by saying, "ok, you want to go to second year seminary or a college program - here are the ones I'm willing to pay for". I researched summer camps and then gave my young teen a choice of two camps that met my frumkeit standards, and are also considered really fun places. Expensive of course, but saving my own kid who is showing small signs of rebellion is my priority. An older teen might not agree to your options, and she is less likely to drop former contacts, though. If you try to separate them naturally somehow, like make sure they go to different schools or spend next year in separate locations, and they seek each other out anyway, there's not much you can do about that - although a break might lead to a natural distancing, as your daughter gets involved with new friends.