How could this happen?!

exaustedmom

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 8:49 pm

Maya wrote:

I'm not surprised one bit. My brothers and friends have been repeating such stories for thirty years.

Maya, I dont want to put you on the spot, but when your brother would come home with stories of physical abuse, everyone listened and did.... nothing?

amother

Teal

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 8:52 pm

exaustedmom wrote:

Maya, I dont want to put you on the spot, but when your brother would come home with stories of physical abuse, everyone listened and did.... nothing?

Speaking from my own experience - For years it didn't dawn on anyone to report. It was just an accepted fact of life. There were some who may have wanted to report, but I imagine the community pressure was too much for them. They would have been shunned and vilified.

Also, if a kid got it really bad, his parents would try to change his class. I pity the children who got beaten both at home and in school.

Maya

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 8:54 pm

exaustedmom wrote:

Maya, I dont want to put you on the spot, but when your brother would come home with stories of physical abuse, everyone listened and did.... nothing?

Trust me when I say this, there was nothing to do. Thousands of boys came home with such stories every day, continue to come home with such stories every day, and there is nothing to do besides uproot yourself from everything you know and leave the community.

Do we have to be reminded of that photo that was shared on the Internet of the little boy whose face was swollen from the beating he got at the hands of the menahel of Satmar here in Monsey? He even got arrested, but the family was afraid to press charges. Where do you think this menahel is now? Right back in that office chair, beating up other children every day.

Anybody who says one nice word about that community (hint: their "chesed") is complicit in this abuse, because it's exactly that PR which allows them to continue flying under the radar with their abuse. Let's see some chesed towards their own little children before they go distributing food in hospitals.

Last edited by Maya on Tue, Aug 02 2016, 8:59 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Teal

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 8:59 pm

What boggles the mind is how people send back to those same schools with the same type of 'chinuch measures' aka abuse. Knowing exactly what goes on there.

If the only two schools left in town were a school where the rebbes beat up the kids, and a public school, I'd send my (chareidi) kids to the public school without blinking an eye.

WhatFor

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 9:06 pm

One of the outlets said that the main perpetrator's wife and children were also abused. The wife said he controlled her with her children and he also had control over the food. So sad. I assume that women and children from such communities don't know that they can go to the police and are just too scared.

amother

Puce

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 9:06 pm

At the same time I was told by a local Dayan that there are excellent Rebbeim who are falsely accused by parents set on revenge. These Rebbeim are fired without question and never find employment as educators again.

Maya

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 9:08 pm

amother wrote:

If they're such excellent rebbeim, what exactly are the parents seeking revenge for?

Coffee Addict

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 9:10 pm

I'm sick to my stomach reading this. I just finished eating dinner and I'm about to throw up!

I'm getting such anxiety now. I have several boys in chader , how in the world can I protect them when they're most of the day in school? Help

Maya

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 9:12 pm

Coffee Addict wrote:

Two options:
Either put them in schools where there is no hitting, or give each rebbe $100 every Rosh Chodesh... but then they will still see their classmates get hit, and that's emotionally damaging, too.

amother

Teal

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 9:17 pm

amother wrote:

That's why you hand it over to the police, so proper investigations can be done.

And until the investigation is completed, the rebbeim have no contact with the children.

I'm still waiting for the gedolei Yisroel - ayekah, where are you?? - to call those who tamper with investigations, bribe the DA, intimidate witnesses, and try to cover up abuse in any which way - and this applies to the Chassidish Rebbe, the Admor, the Dayan, the gabbai, the kohen hedyot, and the joe shmoe equally - a Rasha, a menuvel, a sinner who will be ostracized and punished in this world and the next.

Coffee Addict

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 9:17 pm

Maya wrote:

All schools here where I live are very similar. Actually, that's one of the reasons we are looking to move away.

Unfortunately I can't afford the extra tip. I wish I could.

Maya

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 9:23 pm

Coffee Addict wrote:

I am actually very happy with my kids school and rebbes. I'm just nervous reading this horrible news. The kids are happy BH. Still, this is making me so edgy.

Just keep your eyes and ears open, and talk and listen to your kids.

debsey

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 9:37 pm

Maya wrote:

To me, it's a short step from hitting to other forms of abuse. If you can ignore a child's boundaries to hit him, you are teaching him to put up with abuse, and you are training yourself to lack empathy. From there it's a slippery slope.

People who say hitting is part of chinuch - maybe in der alte Heim, but not here and now. We're a different generation and it's not OK. There was one school in Lakewood (litvish) that was well-known to have a "hitting" policy. There was also one school in Lakewood where there was a child abused (not by a rebbe known to hit, by someone else in the school). I think there's a connection.

When I say "there was a child abused," I mean "an English teacher from that school was convicted and is serving a 12 year sentence for child molestation."

Mama Bear

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 9:37 pm

B"H things have definitely changed in places like Wmsbg now that most of the melamdim are younger men who themselves endured that kind of abuse at the hands of older rebbes. My son is now 11 and has BH never had any such incidents - and he tells me EVERYTHING. The ONE time a Rebbe did used unusual discipline with him - and it was not hitting or abuse, but still disturbing - it was by an old-school rebbe (in his 60's) and I immediately contacted the Rebbe and it was discussed and he never did anything of the sort again. I truly think that today's parents are way more on top of the hitting etc and they're not taking it lying down.

willymom

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 9:38 pm

My little bro came home from cheder saying his rebbe twisted his hand cuz he got angry that he was daydreaming Sad

. .and my mom personally watched him push a boy aggressively into a wall ..not sure exactly what the boy did..but she won't do anything about it..like call school...and my dad says ha u think this is abuse?? We had holocaust survivors teaching us and they hit us till we were black and blue..this is normal...ugh thank god I don't have boys yet!! Omg ! Its sick!! How are we expecting those poor kids to not go otd??? Crying