lady has first child at 60

Tzutzie

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 11:06 am

My sister is 45. Her dh is in his low 60s.
They have yet to be blessed with children.
The pain and yearning.... and this is only what I can see. There is a lot more than anyone can imagine.
My sister would make a great mother. How dare you say she's selfish? How do you know if she doesn't have a plan in place? You don't know anything about my sister (iyh she should be blessed. Soon.)

All you know about the woman is her age.

Don't judge. She might be a better mother than you or I can ever be. Give her a chance.

I wish her and her husband and their precious baby love, health and happiness and a long long life together. Amen.

glamourmom

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 11:08 am

Tzutzie wrote:

ITA. well-put.

Hug

may your sister be zoche to a child soon!!!

gp2.0

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 11:12 am

sushilover wrote:

I hear you.
But is that true for every situation where the child will have a difficult life? I have a ~~paraplegic~~ quadriplegic neighbor whose husband is severely disabled as well. Was she selfish to have children ?

Look. I'm not saying that these women shouldn't have had children c'v. I'm saying they shouldn't have made the decision in the first place to have children. Once the child is already born, his or her life is precious and it's callous to say in retrospect that the parents were selfish to have the baby. But I believe that the decision to have a baby when you can't properly care for it is a selfish decision.

I know someone who had a very hard time having children. She desperately wanted children and was helped by a popular organization and had one child. Bonus fact: both she and her husband have developmental delays. As a result, their kid never had a chance. She was developmentally delayed for over a decade until she was sent away to a special school, and hasn't fully recovered. No idea if the child's developmental delays were inborn or environmental, but having developmentally delayed parents didn't help the situation. Either they caused the delays, or they didn't get her help until way too late in the game due to their delays.

Chayalle

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 11:14 am

I'm not judging anyone specific. I just think that anyone who has a child should have plans to take care of that child...whether they are 20, 30, 40, etc...whether they are healthy or have challenges. We don't just have children to fulfill our dreams....they have to be physically and emotionally taken care of.

I guess I'm coming from the experience of having been a foster parent....when a child has not been taken care of, it's not beautiful, even if his mother loved having him. That's why I feel strongly that a plan has to be in place to take care of a child.

glamourmom

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 11:15 am

every child that is born is for a reason. the exact circumstances are decide by the Only One Above. who are we to question if it's right?

why are children born to abusive parents? parent that their marriage falls apart? older parents? too young parents? murderer parents?

and then, why are angelic people not zoche to the same blessing?

we don't know. but we have no right to pass judgement on a situation we're not in and for sure not on G-d's decision.

Chayalle

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 11:19 am

glamourmom wrote:

I don't know the answer to any why, and I'm certainly not one to question Hashem's ways. But as human beings we have to take responsibility for things.

We should not be encouraging people to have babies if those babies won't be cared for.

Now if there's a support system in place, and people willing to take responsibility, that is a different story. But in absence of that plan, it's not right.

glamourmom

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 11:22 am

Chayalle wrote:

true, but we don't know these details. we'll never know. hopefully she has some relatives who can help out. but that's not a deciding factor if the child should have been born.

if the parents are good people then yes, the child is fortunate. if the parents are "bad" then I feel bad for the child even had he been born when his parents were in their 20's-30's

mirror

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 5:27 pm

Quote:

In addition, a malignant tumor was found in the womb of the mother, which the doctors successfully removed.

The concern with this particular woman is that she had a tumor in her womb which may have spread to other parts of the body. We don't know what her lifespan is right now and if she will be one one to raise the baby.

PinkFridge

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 7:50 pm

mirror wrote:

Quote:

In addition, a malignant tumor was found in the womb of the mother, which the doctors successfully removed.

I haven't read any articles about this so I have no idea at what point she knew there was a tumor. Sure, when she knew about it makes a difference. To her. Not to me. This is not something I feel a need to discuss. Ciao.

pointyshoes

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 7:58 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

No, I get what treatment it was, Im just wondering why it never worked before now.

I'm wondering what made her pursue it at this age?
I'm assuming she was postmenopausal. Why did she think it would work now?

shoshanim999

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 8:33 pm

Carmen Luna wrote:

I had a great grandfather who got remarried at the age of 73 to a young woman aprox 20.. He had with her 8 children, having the last one at the age of 90. He lived to the age of 93, a few days after the upsherin of his youngest son. He was a reknowned tzaddik and when his 1st wife passed away, my grandmother wanted to marry such a tzaddik. Interestingly enough, her father was a wealthy man, and she could've married a young budding talmid chacham but she sacrificed everything to have the zchus. Just shows us the mindset of the shtetl yidden of yesteryear.

Your logic seems to be that since you know of an instance that an older person got married and had children and it worked out, that proves that it's ok. Do you not realize how flawed this logic is?

notshanarishona

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 8:44 pm

mirror wrote:

Quote:

In addition, a malignant tumor was found in the womb of the mother, which the doctors successfully removed.

She obviously didn't know that when she got pregnant..
To say she shouldn't have gotten pregnant b/c she should have known that she has cancer and might not live long is not very nice .
No body knows when illness will strike.

I find this type of chat extremely yentaish and not fair to the person . I am very happy for that she did not share her name with the press and don't know why this became a news story.
Anyone who knows her will know and it's no one else's business.

Coffee Addict

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 8:51 pm

shoshanim999 wrote:

Your logic seems to be that since you know of an instance that an older person got married and had children and it worked out, that proves that it's ok. Do you not realize how flawed this logic is?

Why the freaken hell do you have a problem that she shared this story?!
It's a interesting story. That's it.

Why do people feel the need to twist everything they can upside down? Not everything has to have a logic explanation. If you don't like it just skip it! End of story.

Jeanette

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 8:51 pm

Nobody should have a child if they already have X number of children
Nobody should have a child if they don't have $X in the bank
Nobody should have a child if they can't keep the floors clean, the dishes washed and the beds made each and every day
Nobody should have a child if they can't keep their temper around their children

And the list goes on and on....

Is there anyone we can honestly say is 100% perfectly qualified to have a child?

shoshanim999

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 9:06 pm

Jeanette wrote:

Are we reading the same thread? Did anyone say or imply that only flawless perfect people should have children? Are you really comparing a person who likely won't have a clean house to an elderly person who by the laws of nature likely won't be able to care for their child very long?

Jeanette

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 9:50 pm

shoshanim999 wrote:

Actually it is pretty common these days for people to live until 80 at least. And people are healthy and energetic at much older ages as well. Once children are past the diaper stage it really isn't that physically draining to care for them.

It's also interesting that throughout history it was common for men to father children at an advanced age.

Skippy!!

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 10:09 pm

Tzutzie wrote:

45 is a great time to consider donor egg/sperm. The problem is when a couple waits around until they are 60 to do the procedure.

lkwdlady

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 10:13 pm

pointyshoes wrote:

I'm wondering what made her pursue it at this age?
I'm assuming she was postmenopausal. Why did she think it would work now?

It must have been the burning desire to become a mother. She probably did not think that it would work since it hadn't worked in the past. She must have wanted to try one last time as long as the dr. was willing. If you are mother, you really can't judge someone whose deepest wish is to simply have a child to love and raise and leave over as a legacy. Perhaps she is a religious woman who consulted with a rav first. Hopefully the child will give her tremendous nachas and she will be able to raise and love this child for the next 20 years.

pointyshoes

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 10:38 pm

lkwdlady wrote:

That makes sense, I'm sure it was very emotional decision.
I wasn't judging her- I understand what she did totally.
I was wondering what she was thinking trying but I guess that's the power of hope.
Its quite inspirational when you think of it from that angle