ISO classy MO communities

amother

Mauve

Tue, Sep 13 2016, 6:24 pm

esther09 wrote:

I really like my MO community and I'm not interested in people who will look down on me for not being classy. No thanks... Please don't move here.

Agreed. Please don't move near me either. I'm digging the tramp style more than classy and I am happy that way.

myself

Tue, Sep 13 2016, 6:44 pm

amother wrote:

....so you want to hang out with upper-crust, wealthy people. Are you sure these people want to hang out with YOU?

My thoughts too. OP, whatever you do, make sure you actually fit in whatever community you choose to join. You might want to spend a Shabbos in any potential area to get a better feel of the crowd.

amother

Dodgerblue

Tue, Sep 13 2016, 7:48 pm

I actually grew up in a conservative household. Ive drifted more towards MO.
I'm British and moved to the US for a job and find the community I live in uncomfortable for me.
As I have been offered the option of relocating within the US, I was asking a simple question and I'm sorry you ladies wanted to nitpick and find me offensive.
I dont feel I owe any explanation for a perfectly innocent query

amother

Green

Tue, Sep 13 2016, 7:56 pm

Ok, I'll assume it's true that "classy" has different connotations in gb than in the us
So if you are looking for a community- first tell us, what about your current place makes you uncomfortable? Maybe that will help translate what you're really asking.

amother

Dodgerblue

Tue, Sep 13 2016, 8:02 pm

Thank you for your offers to help but I'm actually quite hurt by everything that's been said to me today on this forum.
I just want to add this: you didn't like what I said and then you labelled me as chassidish. Now, I only know three chassidish people so maybe I'm wrong but they're lovely people.
Thank you to the people that were constructive and answered my question with names of communities to look into and left it at that.

amother

Green

Tue, Sep 13 2016, 8:06 pm

amother wrote:

We labeled you based on your language usage. As you can see by the amount of responses you got, "classy" has very specific connotations here... And they're not positive.
Sorry you were hurt but I think you're being silly by not being willing to acknowledge that there's an honest cultural barrier here, not a malicious intent.
It was nice of maya to apologize. Personally I don't feel it's necessary. Good luck, op.

Maya

Tue, Sep 13 2016, 8:08 pm

amother wrote:

The comments about Chassidish people aren't criticism or evidence of them not being lovely, it was just a cultural reference to how they use certain words. Maybe they took it from the British Smile

cnc

Tue, Sep 13 2016, 8:11 pm

amother wrote:

I'm actually chassidish myself. in the US, as others have said, classy as you wrote is usually a term used by chassidish people. People were responding the way they did because its sounded as if you were chassidish and looking to join a MO community.

I guess as Maya assumes, the term is used differently in the UK.

amother

Silver

Tue, Sep 13 2016, 8:55 pm

I'm extremely taken aback by the comments on this thread. From firsthand experience women here are usually so, so supportive and caring and non-judgmental. What crazy button did the word 'classy' push?
I mean, what if she wants to be with fancy people? BIG DEAL. She asked for help finding somewhere. You could just name cities. Like, are you sensitive that she may have excluded you?

OP, you had a simple question and something really weird happened here. I'm sorry you had to see those comments and assumptions. Teaneck, Bergenfield and Woodmere are three places I've visited recently that may fit your description. I hope you find a place where you feel at home and happy. It must be very hard coming from a different culture and seeing people around you have an easy time forming friendships over things you don't get. My first guesses when I read your post were either that you're a stylist/interior decorator and would benefit financially from a fancier community; or that you were European and don't feel comfortable in the usual American communities. Good luck finding your place Hug

amother

Chocolate

Tue, Sep 13 2016, 9:02 pm

amother wrote:

Is it that shocking that people find it a bit off-putting when someone comes out and says bluntly that they're looking for an upper crust community? It reeks of elitism and I'm not surprised that some took offense. IMO there are classier ways she could have phrased her question.

Op, good luck finding a community that suits you.

amother

Coffee

Tue, Sep 13 2016, 9:29 pm

Thinking about it from a British perspective, maybe by classy, she means "polite, well mannered, polished, proper, and people that mind their own business." Part of what British people are generally bothered by in Americans is how they are very laid back. People don't have a problem touching each other, knocking on each other's doors, asking "personal" questions to become closer friends etc. Maybe OP thinks that in a community where people are dressed formal, they act formal as well. Unfortunately, this isn't really the case, and I think the problem is more about the cultural norms.

Why would someone want to live in a place where everyone wears brand name perfect outfits all the time and has perfectly manicured rose bushes if they didn't have the money to keep up with the neighbors?! That's why I jumped to the first paragraph conclusion--she must think that the people that dress "classy" also act like the queen of england.

spring13

Tue, Sep 13 2016, 9:33 pm

amother wrote:

The thing is, it wasn't all that simple a question. Your wording did leave room for interpretation, and people asking for clarification didn't necessarily get it.

Maya

Tue, Sep 13 2016, 9:34 pm

amother wrote:

So why couldn't she just explain this from the start instead of allowing three pages of speculation, and then get all insulted when posters didn't understand?

gold21

Tue, Sep 13 2016, 9:46 pm

Englewood, NJ?

Cedarhurst, NY?

Upper West Side of Manhattan?

Oh, I know, maybe White Plains would be a good fit? Or Riverdale?

West Hempstead and Teaneck have a more "chilled" laid-back crowd, so maybe they're not what you're looking for? They're very nice communities though.

amother

Silver

Tue, Sep 13 2016, 9:59 pm

amother wrote:

How should she have phrased it?
(You're not wrong, but the responses were downright rude. 'Don't move to my community.' For crying out loud, there's a woman looking for her place in this world. Why would anyone say that?)