What's 'worse' - Imamother or Facebook?

Wed, Oct 26 2016, 10:14 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

Do you think it's an age thing? I wonder how many of the kids here use FB like you do.

My teenager and her teen/young adult cousins have no interest in FB. The kids use other social networks to stay in touch. FB seems to be more for the middle-aged moms, nowadays, at least in my extended family.

As far as what people do with their social networks - with rare exceptions, I'm Internet "friends" only with people I know in real life and would like to communicate with more easily and frequently. I'm generally not friends in real life with braggy, argumentative people, so my FB newsfeed doesn't have a lot of the drama I see described here. I'm not sure if that's about age (I'm in my late forties), maturity or personal preference.

Fox

Wed, Oct 26 2016, 10:29 pm

There have been a bunch of studies about teenage/young adult social media trends, including one by the Pew Research Center in 2015.

The popularity of FB is definitely declining, but it's still used by a majority of teens. The details are interesting, though: among other things, FB is more likely to be the primary social media of teens with a lower family income. A higher family income correlates with primary use of Instagram and Snapchat.

I have a Facebook account, but aside from funny or cute wallpapers, I don't feel like I benefit a great deal. And the whole business of "friending" and "unfriending" gets more personal than I really like.

Insta and Snapchat are fun to keep up with what my kids are doing, etc., but I'm more of a lurker.

Teomima

Wed, Oct 26 2016, 10:38 pm

amother wrote:

I agree with this totally. The trouble is that when I left FB, I was left with the brutal reality that most of my so-called family and friends ONLY kept in touch with me on FB and didn't actually know or care when my bday was for example IRL.

Well, as you said, "so-called."

It's true I lost touch with certain close friends. I see them socially and everything is as fine and dandy as it would have been, it's not like there are grudges. And it's true that I also had to put more effort into calling friends I wanted to see.

But it's not like my friends kept track of my birthday before Facebook, which is why I do agree with the poster who asked about it being an age thing. I think it is a generational thing, and many Millennials came of age with Facebook. I've spent most of my adulthood without it, and don't expect my friends to know my birthday, or my cousin I see once every few years to know what books I've been reading, or my childhood friend to know where I work. It's nice that this sort of sharing is available, for those who want it. But personally I don't need it.

That said, I find whatsapp to be a great tool. With friends and family both here in Israel and the US, whatsapp groups have been a terrific way to share quick family updates and "safely" share pics of the kids with their relatives, not to mention a good way to inform everyone when we're safe after a terrorist attack. And Skype is a blessing! It gives me a relationship with my nephews I'd never have had otherwise, and my kids know by face relatives they see only once a year, if that. I never had anything like that as a kid.

bluebaker

Wed, Oct 26 2016, 11:51 pm

Unless you're actively engaging in gemilus chasadim on this site or asking for Halachic advice, it's all Bitul Torah.

No matter what it's called.

amother wrote:

So I've been on imamother for a few years but very sporadically, like maybe once every 5 months or so I'd pop on for a recipe or see what's happening... but I was active on facebook. I cancelled my fb account a few months ago (it was taking up way too much time, becoming addictive etc, all typical reasons) and I'm finding myself more active here on imamother instead! I wouldn't say I enjoy it more but there's definitely something 'dangerous' about being able to hide behind 'imamother'... what do u think?

Raisin

Thu, Oct 27 2016, 6:07 am

I find facebook useful for work purposes, (I'm on shlichus) connecting with people I meet in shul on shabbos (when I can't write down their phone number), letting people know about events. I do unfollow certain people who tend to overshare their lives or post a lot of rude stuff.

My whatsapp friends are family members or close friends. Also great but I use it in a different way.

I'm not the type to call my high school friends on their birthdays, but I might post a message on fb. It doesn't bother me that people wish me happy birthday on fb who wouldn't call me irl.

PinkFridge

Thu, Oct 27 2016, 7:47 am

bluebaker wrote:

Unless you're actively engaging in gemilus chasadim on this site or asking for Halachic advice, it's all Bitul Torah.

No matter what it's called.

I don't do the FB, the MySpace (what's that? Wink

), etc. But believe me, one can be mevatel way too much time without it. Check my thread count.

PinkFridge

Thu, Oct 27 2016, 7:48 am

Maya wrote:

I'm 31, so I don't know if that's what you call a kid Smile

But I use Facebook similarly. I only friend people I really know and like, and feel that I can be open with. I try to connect to most of them in a good, positive way.

I don't usually see people's 5 a.m. cupcakes in their pristine kitchen, but if I did, why would I have anything against that? I'm not that insecure that it would make me feel badly. I either compliment or skip over. No skin off my back.

Well, we know you're mature beyond your years Tongue Out

Do you find that you use Whatsapp, Instagram, etc. in ways you formerly used FB?

Tablepoetry

Thu, Oct 27 2016, 9:08 am

My teens and young adult kids abandoned facebook years ago. Some are active on instagram and snapchat.
I love facebook. I have never seen one argument there....mainly it's a chance to reconnect with old friends who live continents away and lead very different lives. I love seeing what they are up to, what inspires them, what they are reading..etc. Of course I realize it's a photoshop staged image of their life....but still better than nothing.
In the old days you also met people in their Sunday best....people have been presenting their tidied up selves to the public for eons.

All of us are on whatsapp. It's everyone in Israel. You cant really function in society here without. But very different from facebook. Usually focused on the practical, immediate communication among group members.

amother

Gold

Thu, Oct 27 2016, 9:16 am

Maya wrote:

I'm 31, so I don't know if that's what you call a kid Smile

Though it still had an effect since you have clearly mentioned in the past that you changed your lifestyle from chassidish to MO due to imamother influences.

gold21

Thu, Oct 27 2016, 9:32 am

Tablepoetry wrote:

If you've never seen an argument on FB, then you're probably not a member of some of the FB groups I have seen Tongue Out

These groups are like Imamother on steroids- a more intense, angry, and argumentative version of Imamother.

amother

Chartreuse

Thu, Oct 27 2016, 9:37 am

amother wrote:

Though it still had an effect since you have clearly mentioned in the past that you changed your lifestyle from chassidish to MO due to imamother influences.

No one changes their entire life solely based on an online forum. The reason forums can have a strong effect is usually because it fuels dissatisfaction and thoughts that are already there.

amother

Olive

Thu, Oct 27 2016, 9:41 am

gold21 wrote:

If you've never seen an argument on FB, then you're probably not a member of some of the FB groups I have seen Tongue Out

These groups are like Imamother on steroids- a more intense, angry, and argumentative version of Imamother.

I'm on a few fb groups and some of the most active and vocal members are former or current imamother members.

amother

Chartreuse

Thu, Oct 27 2016, 9:48 am

amother wrote:

I'm on a few fb groups and some of the most active and vocal members are former or current imamother members.

Lol. I find that certain platforms lend themselves to more heated squabbles. For example, here, spewing curses is frowned upon and might get you reported. Whereas on Facebook, they're par for the course.

amother

Saddlebrown

Thu, Oct 27 2016, 10:44 am

I'm part of the generation fb was invented for (early 30s) back when you needed to be at an elite university to join up. Over a decade later it's completely different. Of course the kids are on insta or snapchat - their moms and grandmas are on fb! I find fb useful and fun though still.

amother

Vermilion

Thu, Oct 27 2016, 11:07 am

On Imamother there is much more raw emotion, the stories are genuine, and there's more pain here. Also, because of anonymity people are definitely bolder with their opinions.
On Facebook you see friends' happiest moments, funny links, and a lot of news. It's an overall 'happier' and far more constrained vibe.

I like Facebook because the people in my newsfeed are people I actually know and choose to keep up with, even if just by making a nice comment on their pictures. It keeps connections going years longer than they otherwise might have. I really really appreciate that and visit more friends in person because we've been in touch over the years through Facebook.

On Imamother, I don't feel like I'm socializing. I learn an enormous amount about people, cultures, personality disorders, economic brackets, and family dynamics. But it's more like reading lots of news articles than speaking with friends. That's my two cents 😊

zaq

Tue, Nov 01 2016, 3:04 pm

Teomima wrote:

any family and friends worth being in touch will stay in touch with you even without FB.

Thank you! This is what I've been telling all the kind folks who've been trying to get me to sign up for FB. email does an admirable job of keeping me in touch with people I value. and for the few who don't have email, that's what telephones, envelopes and stamps are for.