If you have over 2yr age gaps btwn kids are the kids close?

amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Dec 19 2016, 6:58 pm

I grew up the youngest by many years and it took me many, many years to catch up to my sibs and become close with them and I never liked it.
I always wanted my kids to be close in age, so they have built in friends, and are close.

my oldest 2 girls are 27 months apart but 3 grades apart and I know this sounds so silly but im worried they wont be close.
while they play really nicely together, and they seem close now, my older one who is 6, seems light years ahead of my almost 4 year old.
Bechasdie HAshem im expecting after some hardships in that area, and I worry the age gap is too large for the kids to be close.

am I being nuts? am I worrying about silly things? are kids close no matter what the age gap is?

amother

Seashell

Mon, Dec 19 2016, 7:02 pm

I'm not close to any of my siblings.
My husband is closest to his sister (and so am I) that is twelve years older than him. There are three other sibling in between that SIL and DH.

Age has nothing to with it.

thunderstorm

Mon, Dec 19 2016, 7:28 pm

Age doesn't mean anything. But right now my kids that are closer in age actually fight more with each other than their other sibs.

mommy3b2c

Mon, Dec 19 2016, 7:34 pm

Yes you are being nuts. Me and my sister happen to be exactly like your daughters. 2.5 years and 3 grades. We were always very close and still are. I'm also really close with my brother who is 6 years younger. And the one two years older.
My two younger boys are 6.5 years apart and they are close now. I hope they will always be.

amother

Wine

Mon, Dec 19 2016, 7:46 pm

My first is a girl 6, and then a boy 4. They are very close and play together really well. They fight a lot too, but each of them are responsible (not always older starting up).
My next one is almost one. I know it will be a few years until he can play with his big brother, but 3 year gap is not so large in the long run.

In my family we were all within 2 years apart and grew up together as a family. My husband's family is much more spread out. They sort of grew up in groups of two.

Ideally, I would like my next kid to be not more than 3.5 years younger than the youngest.

However, we cannot plan how their personalities will be, and how they will get along with their sibling. All we can do is pray and try our best to raise our kids to love and share with each other.

amother

Teal

Mon, Dec 19 2016, 8:03 pm

My kids are similarly spaced to yours. I have a 7 1/2 yo, almost 5yo and almost 2yo.

My oldest 2 are very close. They play a lot. Fight sometimes too. Usually it's great but my oldest sometimes gets upset when a neighbor his age is unavailable to play. I tell him he should be thrilled to have a brother to play with (I didn't have siblings close in age). I guess he takes it for granted and still prefers friends his age. But they def do play a lot together. Especially mornings and shabbos.

My oldest really loves my baby who is almost 2. They really seem to have a connection. My middle child likes him too but I do see a difference. It's probably due to personality. Hopefully as the baby gets older they will play more together.

My mom is one of 5 sisters. She is closest to the oldest sister and has nothing to do with the sister right on top of her.

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Dec 19 2016, 8:19 pm

I'm pretty close with my sibling closest in age but we fought all the time as kids and only became civil in high school.

You can't predict how the sibling dynamic will play out for the rest of their lives based upon their interactions when they are young.

shanie5

Mon, Dec 19 2016, 10:44 pm

My youngest is almost 10 years younger than her nearest sibling. She is close with ALL of them. And the others are close to each other. When I hear that about them visiting each other for shabbos, or what they discussed on the phone, I realize how close they all are. (good personalities, I don't take credit for it)

essie14

Tue, Dec 20 2016, 7:10 am

My sister and I are 2.5 years and 2 grades apart. We never got along. Ever. And now we have almost no relationship. Age means nothing; it's really more of a personality thing.

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Dec 20 2016, 7:15 am

I used to live by my parents with my than two year old and 8 year old sister. We lived there for 2 years. My son is 6 now and we live in different cities and they are very very close. My baby is also 6 years younger than him and they so far love each other. Smile

I am not concerned!

Liebs

Tue, Dec 20 2016, 7:19 am

Like others said...no guarantee for closeness and not all due to age gaps.
However I identify with your issue. I don't think you mean if they will ultimately be close but if they will be close as kids? After waiting a long time between my last two I am hoping the next one won't take as long. My 2 yr old has nobody to play with since all other kids are out later hours and have homework and other responsibilities so I'm left alone with him many times and feel bad he has nothing to do (like right now as I waste my time online!).
I should go play with him!
But it's all in Hashem's hands and this is part of the child's life...iy''h when older I think he will have close relationships to his brothers and sisters!

amother

Dodgerblue

Tue, Dec 20 2016, 7:21 am

op here-
thanks for all the replies
pregnancy brain got me thinking pretty nutty things .

I guess I always imagined my family in a certain way, and was kind of dissapointed when it didnt happen.
but BH life is good and full of bracha and healthy children and I (should) have no complaints.

sky

Tue, Dec 20 2016, 9:16 am

I think there is a difference in closeness when kids are little and when they are older.

When kids are little I think age plays a big part in if they will play together and interact.

My 2 girls are 2 years apart and my boys are 2 years apart.
They play together, plan, share friends, etc. They are great friends (and great enemies at times).
I have another daughter 4 years younger then her sisters. Right now she doesn't join in anything with them.

I think as they get older age will play a much smaller role in their relationship, because in general age means less as you get older.

amother

Blue

Tue, Dec 20 2016, 10:24 am

OP, you're worried about them being close by playing together as little kids, or close as adults?

Because age and age gap difference don't play as much as a role when they are adults. It's personality, and also spouses, and demographics and many other factors.
My husband's family are all 12-16 months apart from each others and they are not especially close to those right above or below them. The youngest one is actually closest to the oldest one.

amother

Goldenrod

Tue, Dec 20 2016, 11:33 am

as adults I really don't see it playing a role necessary. yes my SIL is best friends with her sister right above her but my cousin is super close with her brother (and his wife and his wife's mother... you get the idea) who is over 8 years older then her.

Chayalle

Tue, Dec 20 2016, 11:49 am

My girls are very close, and they are 3 years apart, and 7 years apart.

I'm close to my little sister - she's 15 years younger than I am.

I think personality plays a greater role than years in sibling relationships.

amother

Dodgerblue

Tue, Dec 20 2016, 3:22 pm

op here-
I guess a little of both-close now where they play nicely together (which they do) but also stay close as they get older.
I have 4 very good friends who all have a sister whos either 2 years ahead or 2 years below and they are all super close with them, prob would even consider them their closest 'friend' (even if they dont live near each other)
and once I had 2 girls I really wanted that for them.