How much did you tip your sons rebbe?

amother

Denim

Sun, Dec 25 2016, 6:58 pm

If I would tip these amounts I wouldn't be able to provide my children with basic (not luxurious ) necessities ..... We are having a very hard time making ends meet and kh between my 3 boys in yeshiva they have 4 rebbeim ....although I would love to give more I can only swing $40 per child and if they have two rebbes I devided the amount and gave $25 each (making it $50 total for that child )

I will iyh give more on Purim but along the same lines ....

It is not that I don't make tipping rebbes a priority before other things even with this smaller amount I am giving up on buying new clothes I so desperately need

So not everyone can live up to these standards and I sure hope my rebbes wouldn't treat my sons with any less care !

amother

Turquoise

Sun, Dec 25 2016, 7:03 pm

amother wrote:

As a wife of a Rebbe I just want to mention that yes, we do factor in tips in our yearly budget.

Every gesture of thanks infuses him with energy and oomph.

Since the gift giving is done privately there is no competition between parents as to who should give what or how much. It is nice that people who have the means share it with those who extend themselves for their child's education.

Those who can't afford it just give less or don't give.

Rebbes are usually selfless souls.

There may not be competition but can you honestly say a rebbe will treat a kid whose parents tip $150+ three times a year the same as one whose parents give $50....

Laiya

Sun, Dec 25 2016, 7:04 pm

amother wrote:

Not better for the rebbe. Salary is taxed. Cash in envelopes is not. (Unless they report this income but I'd be floored if that ever happens).

Cash?

Does everyone have such trustworthy and responsible 7, 8 and nine year olds???

Or do people drive to multiple schools to personally hand-deliver envelopes??

amother

Mint

Sun, Dec 25 2016, 7:11 pm

amother wrote:

OMG I am floored! I could never afford such gifts!!

between all my kids and all the teachers, giving 100-150 each would means thousands for Chanukah and for purim. That's nuttso!

When my husband taught -he got a sefer, cookies and like 3 kids (out of a lot of kids) gave a monetary gift of maybe 20-25.

I am therapist in public schools. last year I got chachkies and lots of treif cookies. This year - nothing.

This is crazy, my friends. We are setting yet another standard that many ppl can't live up to -or will go into debt keeping with everyone else.

Thank you cards work very well. This has to stop.

I am very curious whether the $100 to $150 tippers are doing this for multiple kids, or is that $150 their total?

For my kids, we have 4 rebbeim, 5 bus drivers, 3 therapists, and then the secular and preschool teachers and assistants.

Are people really spending over $1,000?

amother

Aquamarine

Sun, Dec 25 2016, 7:12 pm

As a teacher (who is super grateful for every tip she gets, although I get way less than Rebbeim) I have a few things to say:

1. If parents can afford to give and they do, it is a most wonderful expression of thanks that goes a very long way.

2. That is NOT to say that I favor children whose parents give more (sometimes that can be a more difficult child!) Chalila! But the money really helps (our salaries are pretty small) and I am so thankful for every amount. It really gives me chizuk to keep going.

3. Most of all (as others have said) are those notes - they mean the world to me!

If you arent a teacher I dont think you can understand how much extra time/effort/love/care we put into our students. The hours we spend thinking about them, worrying about them, wondering what we can do to help them in a myriad of ways - it is beyond a salary. We do it willingly because we care but a class of 26 can be quite a load on a caring teacher - say thank you - you have no idea and may never know how much your childs' teacher is helping him/her.

amother

Turquoise

Sun, Dec 25 2016, 7:19 pm

[quote="amother"]As a teacher (who is super grateful for every tip she gets, although I get way less than Rebbeim) I have a few things to say:

1. If parents can afford to give and they do, it is a most wonderful expression of thanks that goes a very long way.

2. That is NOT to say that I favor children whose parents give more (sometimes that can be a more difficult child!) Chalila! But the money really helps (our salaries are pretty small) and I am so thankful for every amount. It really gives me chizuk to keep going.

3. Most of all (as others have said) are those notes - they mean the world to me!

If you arent a teacher I dont think you can understand how much extra time/effort/love/care we put into our students. The hours we spend thinking about them, worrying about them, wondering what we can do to help them in a myriad of ways - it is beyond a salary. We do it willingly because we care but a class of 26 can be quite a load on a caring teacher - say thank you - you have no idea and may never know how much your childs' teacher is helping him/her.[/quote

The argument isn't whether they deserve it or not. I think we all agree that they do.

The question is, is it fair of the wealthier parents to tip 6 times (or more!) as much as the majority of the class??

Isn't that putting the other kids at a disadvantage?

Isn't there another way to give that surplus? Anonymously? Save it for the end of the year?

You personally sound like you aren't affected by generous tips (maybe because teachers rarely receive as generous tips as rebbeim?) but can every rebbe say the same?

ETA: You sound like a wonderful teacher. Much continued hatzlacha, always.

amother

Papaya

Sun, Dec 25 2016, 7:22 pm

Laiya wrote:

Cash?

Does everyone have such trustworthy and responsible 7, 8 and nine year olds???

Or do people drive to multiple schools to personally hand-deliver envelopes??

Hand delivered- Chanukah coincides with PTA.
Purim we bring mishloach manos to the Rebbe's house. I barley trust my son with the $ 5 trip fee! Wink

And to the person that asked how many kids we are tipping for, yes I have one son currently in school. I may be changing my tune when I have 4 sons in school!

amother

Aquamarine

Sun, Dec 25 2016, 7:23 pm

To answer your question I have been the recipient of some very generous gifts Bh - only by parents who could truly afford it, and my response has always been - its so nice that people who have money see teachers as a priority. Please dont ask that these gifts be discontinued - teachers and rebbeim really rely on them!

And once again - those notes - they mean the world. A wealthy person parting with 150 dollars means less to me than a personal thank you note - even tho the 150 goes a long way and also gives me a lot of chizuk.

Okay, this is sounding complicated - I'll end here Very Happy

gold21

Sun, Dec 25 2016, 7:28 pm

amother wrote:

Hand delivered- Chanukah coincides with PTA.
Purim we bring mishloach manos to the Rebbe's house. I barley trust my son with the $ 5 trip fee! Wink

And to the person that asked how many kids we are tipping for, yes I have one son currently in school. I may be changing my tune when I have 4 sons in school!

Oh, lol, you're talking about tipping for one kid. OK, yeah, things usually change as a family grows.

amother

Aquamarine

Sun, Dec 25 2016, 7:30 pm

amother wrote:

And I have to add - teachers are usually aware of a family's financial situation (by and large) When a parent of a large family with minimal means gives 20 dollars for Purim I am grateful and embarrassed. I once received a postdated check that I couldnt bring myself to deposit but I never forgot that mother and her devotion.

amother

Ginger

Sun, Dec 25 2016, 8:29 pm

Gold21, your point is well taken, maybe I would be embarrassed to give less. I technically wouldn't have any reason to as it's all anonymous so hopefully I'd be okay with it. Another poster also made a good point - I only have one son in yeshiva currently, so that can definitely change as well. Lastly, so far every rebbi I've dealt with in my sons school has been so simply good hearted that I can't see them favoring a child because of a tip. I honestly think they're in this for the kids and if I can ease their burden just a bit why not?

amother

Denim

Sun, Dec 25 2016, 8:33 pm

Oh ok if it's for one child then that makes a bit more sense ..... I have three sons in yeshiva right now and one even has the day split between two rebbes so that's a total of 4 rebbeim .... I woukd have to take out a mortgage to tip each the amounts some are stating ...... And it's not that I don't think they deserve it I just unfortunately don't have this kind of money to spare

amother

Green

Mon, Dec 26 2016, 3:36 am

For the last several years we have giventhe same amount to all our son's rebbes. We pay full tuition, and I do consider the tip super generous.
This year one of my children in the younger grades has been particularly difficult. It was embarrassing, but when the rebbe called me one day this week I said
"I'm about to tell you something weird but it's important to me that you know. I'm now preparing Chanukah tips. The amount is above average but as long as we can - this is the amount we like to give. I want you to know it's the amount our other rebbes are receiving as well. I know you are working crazy hard with this son - and we want to show our appreciation but know that it's not specifically cause he's hard (I.e. No I don't think a tip no matter how much can pay you for working on helping us with him) and more importantly we want you to continue to treat him exactly as you always have. Any punishment you feel he needs etc - we are on your side."

It makes me nauseas that people want to 'bribe' the rebbe. We want to help them out financially. One year my husband wanted to not sign our name. But I refused saying that if our tip is missing that could offend him.

amother

Mustard

Mon, Dec 26 2016, 5:17 am

Any time parents pay the teacher directly, there's some kind of bribery going on. It's human nature to be grateful to someone who's given you a gift. Add to that the fact that the parents who can and do give large tips are also often prominent members of the community, and you have a recipe for favoritism.
כי השחד יעור עיני חכמים ויסלף דברי צדיקים

mommy3b2c

Mon, Dec 26 2016, 5:32 am

amother wrote:

There may not be competition but can you honestly say a rebbe will treat a kid whose parents tip $150+ three times a year the same as one whose parents give $50....

Yes. I can honestly say they will. Otherwise they shouldn't be a rebbe, and they probably have other issues.

amother

Rose

Mon, Dec 26 2016, 6:23 am

The only feasible way to do this is to save maaser money for a few months (we have a not small family). But - I doubt maaser money is allowed to be used for tipping teachers. And I doubt teachers want to be given money that should go to tzedakah. Normal ppl can't afford this. We struggle with maaser and groceries as it is. I am going to buy cards today!

People who are buying their kids expensive new stylish clothes, shoes, accessories all the time... so they should prioritize teachers too. But if you don't buy those things, then there is no shame in not tipping teachers either. Teachers might have small salaries, but so do many other people! And they often have fewer expenses because parsonage helps them get on govt programs.

amother

Ecru

Mon, Dec 26 2016, 6:52 am

reading this thread is starting to make me feel guilty.....
This year I didn't give any money. With teachers, bus, drivers, therapists... there were 10+ people to give. Instead I bought a little 5 dollar item that said #1 teacher, put it together with a nice chocolate and wrote personal notes to everyone (including the bus drivers:) ) , and also wrote up another note with my kids (preschool age)one or two lines of thank you coming from them to each of their teachers/therapist on a paper which they then colored/decorated. Now I thinking maybe I should have given then money even if it wasn't a lot? Or picked a few that I think did the most for my kids and given them.....