S/o mesila | Imamother

33055

Thu, Jan 05 2017, 12:15 pm

amother wrote:

I'm asking because I'm trying to decide if they are an organization where I should be giving my maaser money. We would like the money to go to places that help people get on their feet as opposed to just keep handing them cash which is why I thought of them. Since its a significant amount of money I just want to make sure it's a good idea first. I'm open to other suggestions as well.
Seeker- do they have something in your neighborhood? They don't have anything in my community and they said they want to expand to as many communities as possible.

What is a significant amount of money? Is it enough seed money to start something like this in Monsey? There are grants available and money from the government. Officially the tzedducah organizations that get government money are open to all. In practice, many are not.

There is a need.

33055

Thu, Jan 05 2017, 1:36 pm

amother wrote:

squishy- significant as in significant for me not as in megabucks Wink

there is already a branch in Monsey.
I'm not sure what you mean by this "Officially the tzedducah organizations that get government money are open to all. In practice, many are not. "

If you look at the statement of nondiscrimination, they are open to people of any race, nationality, or creed. In practice they ask for Rabbinical endorsement of the recipient to see if they are frum. Or they advertise in Yiddish and/or in Yiddish/frum publications

When organizations accept funds they must not discriminate. This includes housing, medical, food, etc.

Looks like the Monsey branch is new. That is good to hear. Thanks for the update.

amother

Mistyrose

Thu, Jan 05 2017, 6:50 pm

Sorry OP I cannot comment on Mesila because I never had experience with them personally.
I do want to say something else.

God created the world in such a way that there will always be poor people. Unfortunately. It hurts even to write it but I'm repeating what I was explained. HE wants us as a people to give tzedaka to those less fortunate than we are.

That said, the importance of being minimally educated in the subject of personal finance cannot be emphasized enough.

Unfortunately, for someone like myself, married to a mentally ill husband, budgeting won't and can't help.

I am in the class of people who need to 'just get handouts'.
I am speaking for many people married to mentally ill husbands. And for many others who fall into this category [needing handouts] through no fault of their own.

Its demeaning when people say 'I don't just give handouts'. Handouts is the actual mitzvah of tzedaka and while organizations do accomplish alot tzedaka to the actual needy is something which only a recipient can understand.

Scammers are far and few and inbetween and God will hold them accountable too.

I'm asking from all who are fortunate enough to be on the giving end to realize that the humiliation insecurity and fear which the poor endure is enough. They don't need the public's scrutiny too.

It hurts when people say 'let's only help people get to their feet' let's not just disperse cash.
Some people are on their feet very well but unfortunately destined to suffer poverty.

Thanks for giving me a space to vent.

You people cannot imagine how difficult it is to go through a vettting process to get money to pay your bills.

P.S. I'm sure your charitable contributions help many. Your willingness to donate to worthy causes sets and example for others to follow.

amother

White

Thu, Jan 05 2017, 9:12 pm

amother wrote:

I give you a bracha that things turn around for you and your husband gets the help he needs and a full refuah.

I don't mean to hurt you in any way but if you need financial assistance/handouts then you are technically not "on your feet very well". It means there are ways you can be helped. You might always need help but the goal is to need less of it. I would prefer to pay to help someone figure out how to use less public funds so that the rest of the tzeddakah/funds are used more efficiently. Otherwise we are basically just throwing money down a black hole.

I wish mesira exists where I live. It pains me when the local tomchei doesn't have enough $$ and new people can't get help but people on it have no clue how to even dream of getting to the point to not need it.

sourstix

Thu, Jan 05 2017, 9:21 pm

To the poster who said she has a mentally ill dh and unfortunately needs to get to tzedaka. As I was reading this thread, I was thinking that same thought. Tzedaka is a mitzva. A mitzva in itself. Trying to find out who to give to is not easy though. And you lose from the part that is lishma which I confess is not easy for me either.

I hope you don't have to go through any of this anymore. I happen to know quite a few people who have an attitude of giving and not questioning too much when they give. Because unfortunately when someone gets to a point that they are asking for tzedaka. It's painful enough. It's demeaning enough.

Trying to figure out if someone is elligble, ask their rav, Chances are they are needy. Many of us go through situations where we need help.

Op, I'm sure mesila is a good organization. I think they are overwhelmed and not enough staff , they can't really help people personally. I was looking to pay for someone to coach me because I need help with this but they weren't able. So I think they can use help.

amother

Wine

Fri, Jan 06 2017, 1:29 am

amother wrote:

I know someone who makes almost her entire living by scamming people out of tzedakah. One thing she does is get vouchers from various organizations that don't cross reference, lie about her situation to organizations and rabbis who then vouch for her based on these falsehoods, and then sells the vouchers to pay for personal expenses and luxuries.

Because of this, I'm so wary of who I give to. How many more people like this woman are there out there? I could never give to an organization that hands out money or even vouchers knowing what I do.

Sad story but you're allowing "the terrorists to win" so to speak.

Don't let the few scammers turn you cynical.

amother

Wine

Fri, Jan 06 2017, 1:40 am

amother wrote:

Please don't call amother and her children "a black hole".

I lived with a mentally ill DH. It is a painful subject. There isn't much in the way of community assistance available. Why wait for the kids to be at-risk or orphans ch"v to help out? There is only so much the healthy spouse can do to keep it all together.

I couldn't take it anymore so now I am a single mother. No way I can cover all my expenses right now, but I am in school, fortunately paid by federal grants so far. Am I a black hole? I don't know. I don't think so. Not any more than any family with their expenses. Is your family's constant expenses a black hole?

The attitude is painful. Many of us (spouses or divorcees) feel abandoned by a community renowned for its caring and chessed.

And as hard as it is for many givers to accept, tzedakah is not a business that is supposed to bring a 'profit' or graduate its clients.

Give, or don't give, whatever... but please don't treat people like objects or worse.

amother

White

Fri, Jan 06 2017, 2:53 am

amother wrote:

Wouldn't it be better for families to learn how to manage their money? I did not say she is a black hole. I said giving money out when we could be solving or lessening the issue is like throwing money in a black hole. There is a difference. Sometimes there isnt anything to be done but many times there is. There is a lot of education that could start in high school to help people make smart(er) decisions. Sometimes things just happen to cause major financial difficulties (08, medical crisis, death of spouse...). But learning some things can help- how not to get into credit card debt, how interest works, does it make sense to take a student loan, how to look for little leaks in the budget etc. it all adds up.
Tzeddakah isn't meant to bring in profits. But if one organization (I don't know if this one does any or all of what I am describing. I am referring to a hypothetical organization here) can make the rest of tzeddakah given be worth more, wouldn't that be amazing!? Make the $5 my kids pushke held help what used to take $10? Because people need less help to get through the month, because less people need help, because more can give.

There will always be those who need our help- one medical crisis can make anyone need assistance. I know this firsthand. DH had an accident and we luckily had savings but we still needed family help (luckily it wasn't as severe as we first thought so he was back at work soon enough). It was scary and worrisome. We were lucky and know many are not so we try to give when we can.

amother

Papaya

Fri, Jan 06 2017, 3:35 am

amother wrote:

Unfortunately, for someone like myself, married to a mentally ill husband, budgeting won't and can't help.

I am in the class of people who need to 'just get handouts'.
I am speaking for many people married to mentally ill husbands. And for many others who fall into this category [needing handouts] through no fault of their own.

As the wife of a mentally ill man, I want to understand your post. Why wont budgeting help? What does his mental illness have to do with budgeting?

amother

Mistyrose

Fri, Jan 06 2017, 8:33 am

Budgeting helps....

when there is money to budget

In a home where there is a mentally ill husband, often a string of events leads to diagnosis. I know I had no clue at all about his mental illness, the meaning or the ramifications of it. Until I realized that my experiences were out of the norm

Being financially in the red once twice thrice no matter what comes as part of one of the cues

Now when you are trying to right a sinking boat your not in the best position to equip the boat not to sink

At that time you need help to get the boat afloat

Now once the boat is afloat you need a person to steer that boat carefully. If there is one careless and and one careful person on the boat the careful person will now be tasked to steer the boat but won't be available for much else.

In many homes where one spouse is mentally ill there just isn't enough money to budget! The family needs handouts just to survive! And loads of hugs

Hope that explains

amother

Wine

Fri, Jan 06 2017, 9:55 am

amother wrote:

Exactly. I knew not to take on too much credit card debt, but the x took out a million in my name without my permission. The total on my credit report is ober 40k. He blew through our savings. He cost us a fortune in therapy. The number of traffic tickets, accidents, and random clean-up-his-mess expenses was mind-blowing. It took years of deterioration for me to begin reaching out for help, and by then my self-esteem was so low, I needed tons of therapy to begin to believe in my capabilities again.

As I said, I am now in school, plus working, plus raising little ones on my own, with no child support whatsoever.

It's hard for people who have not been through this to understand. It's impossible for people who have the luck and ability to succeed financially to understand why some people just can't get their act together. May you never know.

zigi

Fri, Jan 06 2017, 10:10 am

even if there isn't enough money for day to day expenses budgeting does help. it helps stretch the dollar. once one is a better footing, the skills learned will help save for the future. the kids in the family will also learn the skills too. same with a family struggling and needing handouts. there is a reason why there are many different kinds of organizations to fill different needs.

I do think that a basic money management course should be taught to everyone. I am trying to teach my children. needs wants budgeting. why it is important to try to stick to the budget. saving up for an item that you want etc.
another important aspect is help to increase income, or decrease needs, a grant to help pay for a course for a better job, skills courses so one can be more marketable.