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So, did you get a thank you from your son's rebbi?
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watergirl









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 12:23 pm
Squishy wrote:
How should it be handled when it is a group gift and obviously some parents didn't tip?

If you send a thank you then those who didn't chip in might feel bad. But not to acknowledge those that did is not nice.


I've been the parent a few times who didnt participate in the group gift. One teacher (it was preschool - I've noticed that preschool teachers are most likely to send out thank yous for gifts) send us a thank you note, just a photo copied note, and I was relieved. I was very embarrassed that I couldnt participate, and it was clear that my name was still on the card. A small act of chessed on the school's part my including the whole class saved me from not being able to face the teacher on PTA night.
So, the teacher can model the type of middos that we would want our child's mechanech(es) to model and thank everyone and spare busha.
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DVOM









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 12:32 pm
Our finances are really tight right now, so we couldnt give much, but we did send to each Rebbe and Morah a small gift certificate to a nice coffee shop in our town with a thank you letter. We got back some group thank you notes, but the standout was from my oldest son's Rebbe. He mailed a handwritten note with a lovely anacdote about our son, thanking us for the privelage of teaching him. I cryed reading that note. I guess I might expect it if I was one of the moms who posted here that they give 300-1000 dollars to each Rebbe for chanuka, but such a thoughtful responce for a tiny gift card? I really didnt expect that...
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watergirl









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 12:36 pm
amother wrote:
Honestly I think some people just have an easier time with this sort of thing. I have a terrible time with doing this type of thing...whatever it is, there is some missing thing from me. Maybe I have ADD of some type. Having to call or text or write a letter is very stressful for me. Letters especially since I might not have the addresses.

When I taught, I would give a verbal thank when I saw the parents you but it would never have occurred to me to write a thank you note. (I do write thank you notes for baby wedding gifts etc) Most gifts were extremely low value token items eg a potted plant, some chocolates (often a hechsher I couldn't eat, a photo frame etc). I am telling the truth when I say I would rather not receive such gifts (and I love gifts) if it meant I had to write thank you notes.

Writing 60(!!!) notes would take a huge amount of time. Several hours at least. And if someone has 60 students they are probably part time students and parents tend to give less money for part day students. The teacher has to keep track of exactly which students gave him a gift, write the notes, address the envelopes. If he gives them in class the kids who did not give a gift might feel bad they didn't get one.

Believe me when I tell you that if you write a cute thank you note poem, yes even for the stupid frame that you would rather not receive if it meant you had to write a thank you - and xerox it and hand it to the child, it will make him/her feel like gold. And the parents as well - imagine that thats all that they can afford, and they still wanted to take the time to gift you. A xeroxed note would tell the parents that you care about the child enough to thank them, and that you are invested in the parent/teacher relationship. As a parent, its hard to be the one to send out the gifts you call "low value", and we HOPE that the teacher sees the inherent value in the gift.

I would feel really horrible and uncomfortable as a parent in your class if I knew that you valued my small chocolate less than a large check. Teachers are supposed to rise above and accept a gift from a child, and thank him for it.

My son is 7, and earlier this year he missed school in the morning to go to the dentist. My son choose a prize from the dentist and rather than choosing something that he wanted, he choose something that he thought his rebbe would like. Let me tell you how crushed he was when the teacher did not ooh and ahh and thank him for it. He said the rebbe said "thanks" and put it on the desk.

Its these little gifts that carry more weight, than a large check. The large checks are written easily and with little sacrifice. The SMALL gifts are the ones that show the teacher that the parent so badly wanted to show hakaras hatov, so they found a way to gift you. PLEASE start thanking for the chocolate that you cant eat.
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cnc









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 12:40 pm
watergirl wrote:
Believe me when I tell you that if you write a cute thank you note poem, yes even for the stupid frame that you would rather not receive if it meant you had to write a thank you - and xerox it and hand it to the child, it will make him/her feel like gold. And the parents as well - imagine that thats all that they can afford, and they still wanted to take the time to gift you. A xeroxed note would tell the parents that you care about the child enough to thank them, and that you are invested in the parent/teacher relationship. As a parent, its hard to be the one to send out the gifts you call "low value", and we HOPE that the teacher sees the inherent value in the gift.

I would feel really horrible and uncomfortable as a parent in your class if I knew that you valued my small chocolate less than a large check. Teachers are supposed to rise above and accept a gift from a child, and thank him for it.

My son is 7, and earlier this year he missed school in the morning to go to the dentist. My son choose a prize from the dentist and rather than choosing something that he wanted, he choose something that he thought his rebbe would like. Let me tell you how crushed he was when the teacher did not ooh and ahh and thank him for it. He said the rebbe said "thanks" and put it on the desk.

Its these little gifts that carry more weight, than a large check. The large checks are written easily and with little sacrifice. The SMALL gifts are the ones that show the teacher that the parent so badly wanted to show hakaras hatov, so they found a way to gift you. PLEASE start thanking for the chocolate that you cant eat.


Well said..
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amother




Slateblue


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 12:46 pm
watergirl- I agree that the teacher should show appreciation and make kids feel good but some people find writing thank you notes incredibly stressful- I'm one of them so I can understand though thankfully I'm not a teacher. I know that feeling of I almost wish I didn't get the present and I'm not talking about 5 dollar presents either, it's just stressful for me.
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watergirl









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 12:53 pm
amother wrote:
watergirl- I agree that the teacher should show appreciation and make kids feel good but some people find writing thank you notes incredibly stressful- I'm one of them so I can understand though thankfully I'm not a teacher. I know that feeling of I almost wish I didn't get the present and I'm not talking about 5 dollar presents either, it's just stressful for me.

Sorry. The teacher has to do it anyways. Rise above the stress and thank the parent. Some parents find it stressful to send the gift. They send it. If you are an adult, you have to sometimes do stressful things. And again, in this case, I am not saying that it needs to be an individual note for each kid. One note, photocopy, give to kids. If the teacher cant hack that due to stress, s/he has other issues to address before they should be teaching my child.
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amother




Slateblue


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 1:01 pm
I think the other person was talking about actually writing thank you notes not just writing one and photocopying it. I agree that most people can handle that, As a parent a photocopied thank you note doesn't really mean much to me personally but I guess for kids its different.
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watergirl









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 1:04 pm
amother wrote:
I think the other person was talking about actually writing thank you notes not just writing one and photocopying it. I agree that most people can handle that, As a parent a photocopied thank you note doesn't really mean much to me personally but I guess for kids its different.

Gotcha. I think that the kid is just thrilled to get the special note from the teacher. As a parent, I would love a real letter but know that those arent common - when I was a teacher, I sent real letters, but I know its rare to do that. Point being, please acknowledge the gift.
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amother




Chartreuse


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 1:25 pm
I don't think teachers are obligated to thank me for a thank you! When does it end? Do I then have to say thank you for thanking me for thanking you? A tip is sent as a token of appreciation for all that the teachers do for my children. When a teacher does say thank you it is very nice but totally not necessary in my opinion.
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suzyq









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 1:37 pm
I didn't expect thank you notes (though it's nice to have the gift acknowledged with a verbal "thank you") but we did receive thank you notes from my sons' morot. I was very impressed.
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amother




Coral


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 1:52 pm
I gave a generous check (my child is somewhat of a challenge and the rebbi has been handling him very well) with a nice note and honestly I am a bit miffed that we didn't get a thank-you. (The check was cashed so I know he got it...) Common courtesy, people. I wasn't expecting a thank-you for a smaller group gift for a different teacher (though I've gotten notes in the past for the same gift) but I am a little taken aback by this.
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gittelchana









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 2:00 pm
watergirl wrote:
Now that Chanukah is in the past, I'm so curious. So many threads every year about "tipping" the rebbe on chanukah/purim/whenever. Did anyone's son's rebbe thank you? I'm not talking about the PTA gift thats almost a given (although a thank you would be nice also). I'm talking about when the school advises you to give the rebbe separately. I gave $25 and no mention has been made. No email, no newsletter thank you blurb (like "thank you to all the parents who gave blah blah"). I know how much some ofnus struggle to give the rebbes. Its very upsetting imo.
So who was thanked?


If you do it, do it for the Mitzvah or whatever other reasons you have for tipping your child's teacher. Don't do it expecting a thank you. No one needs to thank you for keeping Shabbos or Kosher or for being an overall Mentch.

This is what your perspective should be regardless of the fact that from the teachers perspective, they should thank you for the tip.
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amother




Royalblue


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 2:36 pm
watergirl wrote:
Believe me when I tell you that if you write a cute thank you note poem, yes even for the stupid frame that you would rather not receive if it meant you had to write a thank you - and xerox it and hand it to the child, it will make him/her feel like gold. And the parents as well - imagine that thats all that they can afford, and they still wanted to take the time to gift you. A xeroxed note would tell the parents that you care about the child enough to thank them, and that you are invested in the parent/teacher relationship. As a parent, its hard to be the one to send out the gifts you call "low value", and we HOPE that the teacher sees the inherent value in the gift.

I would feel really horrible and uncomfortable as a parent in your class if I knew that you valued my small chocolate less than a large check. Teachers are supposed to rise above and accept a gift from a child, and thank him for it.

My son is 7, and earlier this year he missed school in the morning to go to the dentist. My son choose a prize from the dentist and rather than choosing something that he wanted, he choose something that he thought his rebbe would like. Let me tell you how crushed he was when the teacher did not ooh and ahh and thank him for it. He said the rebbe said "thanks" and put it on the desk.

Its these little gifts that carry more weight, than a large check. The large checks are written easily and with little sacrifice. The SMALL gifts are the ones that show the teacher that the parent so badly wanted to show hakaras hatov, so they found a way to gift you. PLEASE start thanking for the chocolate that you cant eat.


Just to clarify these were people who could definitely afford larger gifts. One parent, I taught her child WITHOUT pay for an entire year for some extra classes as well as the regular class which I got paid for. (1 hour per day) I got a small token item for about $5 for this. Maybe this family don't have money buts its funny how they could afford late model cars, several vacations per year, a vacation home etc. However, its just not in the culture where I live to give expensive gifts to teachers. No one would give cash, that would be way to crass. A bottle of wine, chocolates, flowers...the sort of thing you give to a hostess. (maybe you expect thank you gifts from a hostess? In that case don't come to me for shabbos with your flowers. Its costs me money,, time and energy to host you...and you want a thank you card too?)

I've given similar gifts to my kids teachers and I've only ever received verbal thank yous nor would I expect anything more. These teachers get paid inadequately and do an awesome job. Why would I have the chutzpa to expect a handwritten thank you note as well???

I think you are lacking in hakoros hatov to your teachers. If you think they are well paid, you must be joking. If you can't afford the money you give them, don't give it. Don't be like one of these grumpy old ladies who have nothing better to do then wait for a thank you note.
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amother




Royalblue


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 2:46 pm
watergirl wrote:
Sorry. The teacher has to do it anyways. Rise above the stress and thank the parent. Some parents find it stressful to send the gift. They send it. If you are an adult, you have to sometimes do stressful things. And again, in this case, I am not saying that it needs to be an individual note for each kid. One note, photocopy, give to kids. If the teacher cant hack that due to stress, s/he has other issues to address before they should be teaching my child.


Wow, you are pretty intolerant of differences in people, aren't you? I hope none of your kids have any special needs. Shocked I also hope you don't teach.

Honestly it would never occur to me to photocopy a thank you note. Like I said, no teacher has ever given me a thank you note for a teacher gift. It's just not done here.

BTW even though we really have no money we spend more then we can afford on teacher's gifts since we think they deserve it. Despite clearly being horribly rude people who should not exist in Watergirl's conception of the universe they do an amazing job teaching my kids for very little pay.
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amother




Copper


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 3:31 pm
Yes. It was beautifully handwritten and mailed to the house. It included a beautiful picture of my son lighting a menorah. This is also a Rebby that personally calls home if my child is absent for one day to see how he is feeling. Truly and absolutely a dedicated, kind Rebby. One of a kind.
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saw50st8









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 3:41 pm
I think thank you cards are important to some groups of people and really not to others. I gave my nieces a gift and told them "No thank you card necessary unless it makes you happy" and my niece said "It doesn't make me happy to write them but it makes my mother happy!" Her mother agreed that she didn't have to write one if I didn't want it.
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octopus









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 3:45 pm
My son's rebbi didn't write a thank you note, but he verbally told my son that he thanks us. I'm fine with that, especially since he is a wonderful rebbi, and even if ds is absent one day, he calls. Once ds wasn't feeling so amazing, but he didn't want to miss school (well, when you have an amazing rebbi you don't want to miss!). I took ds at 10:00 and rebbi told him that he made his day by coming to school.
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Bizzydizzymommy









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 3:47 pm
I never expected a thank you. I am thanking the rebbe when I send him the tip. Since when do you say Thank you for a Thank You. It just so happens my DS's rebbe told my son to say thank you to both his mother and father. My DS said " I don't know why the Rebbe told me to tell you thank you. You didn't give ME the money, you gave it to HIM" so typical of my little wise guy
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Simple1









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 4:07 pm
I don't think it's like saying thank you for a thank you. It's thanking them for a gift which was not obligated and parents went out if their way to give. I'm especially talking about private gifts not with the group. Teachers should appreciate that they're lucky to work in a profession where being thanked is the norm.

It also helps you be sure that they got it. Otherwise I worry that maybe it got lost on the way.

That said, I think there's room to be understanding and dan lkaf zchus if they didn't. Its always better not to have expectations of people.

I usually get photocopied nicely written notes from the teachers for the group gift. Some teachers hand write the names into them. A verbal thanks works for playgroup morahs.
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amother




Pearl


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 4:25 pm
We gave money along with a short note stating what our children love about being in their classes. I think we got one thank you note. I am very fastidious about writing personal and lengthy thank you notes (when I was a teacher, for all gifts, etc.), but I have noticed that among my peers, that seems to be a thing of the past, and I don't care. It doesn't bother me in the slightest if we don't get thank you notes for gifts or what have you. If anything, it's a relief because it's fewer things cluttering up our house (I'm terrible about hoarding cards). It's just my thing that I insist on writing them (and my kids do it for their own gifts once they're old enough to write), but I have better things to do than sit around waiting for or thinking about a note that didn't come, and it doesn't make me think any less of the recipient.
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