Off limits | Imamother

Seraph

Sat, Sep 08 2007, 1:12 pm

How do you inform guest politely that your room is off limits 100%?
I am having a guest staying by me who automatically assumes that because the baby is sleeping in my room, its public living space, that he/she could automatically walk into the room to see the baby whenever he/she wants, to come join in the discussions my husband and I are having in the room, etc.
I've just about had it!
I need my privacy- my room is for no one but me, my husband, and the baby, and anyone else is by invitation only!

So two things- how do I let a current guest (who gets offended easily) know that he/she CANNOT come into my room anymore?
And, how do I let future guests know that, no, they cannot come into my bedroom to see the sleeping baby?

(The door of the bedroom is hard to shut, so I only shut it when absolutely neccesary, which partly contributes to the problem, I guess.)

Marion

Sat, Sep 08 2007, 1:42 pm

The first thing, as you've already discovered, is to close the door.

The second is to tell people that they're welcome to make themselves at home in the general area of the house, but that you're sure they'll understand that you consider your bedroom private.

For the current guest, I'd start with something like "there seems to be a misunderstanding and I'd like to clear it up". That way it's not their fault, but you can put your foot down.

Seraph

Sat, Sep 08 2007, 2:09 pm

Marion wrote:

The problem with shutting the door is its a miklat- it has a VERY tough latch, and is airtight when closed. So closing the door seems suffocating. Especially if the baby is asleep in my room, and I'm in another room I don't want to close the door to my room. And its not the type of door that you automatically see into the room when its open- theres a corner before you walk into the room- you actually have to walk down the hall, up to the door to see into the room. So its not like a major part of the house- doesn't even have that feel.

baba

Sat, Sep 08 2007, 2:30 pm

You could maybe put up some kind of curtain in front of the door (just simple, like a bar with a shower curtain). Or you could put up a "funny" sign, like The baby might be sleeping, so ask before you come peeping/creeping (just off the top of my head, I'm sure you can think of something funnier).

With your guest now you can only really be tell him/her. Try not to make a big deal out of it and just ask if they could maybe knock before entering cause it still is your beadroom and you or your husband might be getting dresses or you could be nursing etc.

amother

Sun, Sep 09 2007, 1:26 am

breslov, I feel for you. after giving birth to my son I was staying at my parents in their basement. I told my friends that they could come down and see the baby but to ask permission from my husband or mother first so I wouldn't be disturbed. well, my friends were polite, but everyone else came downstairs including some ten year old boys and my uncle, with no announcement. when I told the boys that only women were allowed down there, my uncle popped his head in and said,"really? I didn't know that." he stayed for quite a while. I ended up entertaining all the kids from the block two nights after giving birth. I kept sending them upstairs for food and they kept coming back. and their mothers, who I knew but wasn't comfy nursing in front of, did nothing to stop the flow of young guests or to leave themselves. so I've learned one thing. there is a time to care about your own feelings. this is your home, you make the rules. either put up a blunt sign, or tell the guest that s/he is welcome in any area of the house without invitation except for your bedroom. you can apologize for not telling him/her earlier, but you and your husband do not allow anyone other than yourselves and your baby in the bedroom. house policy. case closed. if you need to be more humorous, put up a sign that says "entry by invitation only, please show invitation at the door," or some such. if you plan to have this guest over again, you have to do something now.

greenfire

Sun, Sep 09 2007, 6:48 am

hey I hear the stitch ... but chances are if it's your mother or mil ... yes they will be offended ... just the nature of the beast ... it might just be easier to really close the door on those moments you really want the privacy ... and for the other times grin and bear it ... after all they won't be there too much longer ... good luck!!!

su7kids

Sun, Sep 09 2007, 8:19 am

I think that one way to do it is to not make exceptions.

If someone is there, bring the baby out to them, if they want to see the baby, or if you're nursing. Let it be private.

Tell your guest, too.

"I didn't realize how much this would affect me, but we really decided we want to keep our bedroom private."

Don't beat around the bush.