Best cleaning lady but she steals

amother

Coral

Thu, Feb 09 2017, 1:30 pm

My daughter got herself the best cleaning lady this year. The house is spotless and she babysits the baby while she goes to teach for two hours a day. Recently her husband came home from work and just checked her pocketbook to make sure that she doesn't take anything. (My daughter noticed some small things missing) So he found small things in
her purse like a pkg of crackers or plastic soup bowls. Every day something else. Now my daughter says it hasn't added up to even $100 YET!! What should she do?
Good cleaning help is very hard to come by. embarrassed

Blessing1

Thu, Feb 09 2017, 1:42 pm

If she steals she's not the best cleaning lady. She's starting with small things & slowly gonna take bigger stuff.
I would never ever trust her with my kids.
Your son in law has no right to look through her purse, he could have spoken to her about it.

Last edited by Blessing1 on Thu, Feb 09 2017, 11:33 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Violet

Thu, Feb 09 2017, 2:05 pm

greenfire wrote:

how is she the best cleaning lady ...

also agree with going through someone else's bags is tantamount to stealing ... the dh & cleaning lady both should be fired

Whoa that was harsh! Of course 2 wrongs does not make right but firing either may be easier said than done. How bout telling her u have security cameras around the house? Hm that'll b lying 🤥 ...

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Feb 09 2017, 2:05 pm

Two things: If she does in fact steal then she is not the best.
But even more important than that, what your SIL did is illegal and a violation of privacy in every sense of the word.
What gives him the right to go through someone's bag? I say shame on him. If I knew that an employer did that, I would be out of there faster than a cheetah on wheels.

amother

Amber

Thu, Feb 09 2017, 2:16 pm

Blessing1 wrote:

If she steals she's not the best cleaning lady. She's starting with small things & slowly gonna take bigger stuff.
I would never ever trust her with my kids.

Somehow im not so bothered by your sil going throuhgh the ladys bag if their was suspition of her stealing...
My cousin had the same thing but the lady was taking valuables.... she went through her ladys bag and found the missing jewlrey and took it back. She also saw quite alot of other jewlrey that must have been taken from other homes the lady worked in. She left it as she didnt know whos it was.
As the lady was leaving she told her that she doesnt need her anymore....

amother

Chartreuse

Thu, Feb 09 2017, 2:31 pm

I agree that going through the lady's bag may not have been ethical ... but when there is a STRONG suspicion of stealing and you need the smoking gun to Confirm that may be the only way .... I have heard of this being done lots of times ...... (via stories from people who found things that way )

a thief cannot hold it against you for going through their things !

Now back to the OP your daughter should get rid of her

amother

Bisque

Thu, Feb 09 2017, 2:38 pm

I had a similar situation with someone in the past. We assumed that she assumes that taking a roll of toilet paper from our large Costco pack wouldn't mean anything to us. She probably didn't even think of it as stealing. So we sat down with her and told her how much we appreciate all she does and how well she does it. We also told her that we have noticed small things missing here and there and while she probably assumes these things aren't important to us they are. I told her that it's frustrating for me when I purchase something thinking that it will last x amount of time only to realize that I'm short at the end.
We also told her that if there is anything that she sees that she'd like she can ask us if we'd mind her taking one.
Occaisionally she'll say that she's low on soap and ask for a bar. She's not one of my children and even though she spends a few hours a week in my home I don't count her as a member of my household.
We told her he same for food in the kitchen (mostly because I don't want her to become too comfortable in my kitchen for kashrut reasons). But we always ask multiple times if she's hungry or thirsty and in general try to make her comfortable.
I don't think this is foolproof but at least we were open about our expectations for working in our home.

amother

Coral

Thu, Feb 09 2017, 2:42 pm

Just for the record my sil is a very erliche and chashuva person. He didn't want to confront her unless he was sure she was taking things. He actually did confront her and said some things ar missing, and this can't continue. So the next week he saw she wasn't taking anything. I agree with some of u that she should get rid of her but my daughter says it's so
hard to find great help. btw her husband is home most of the time the lady is babysitting for her baby. Personally I don't think it is wrong to check her pocketbook , if he knows she takes things.

amother

Chartreuse

Thu, Feb 09 2017, 2:49 pm

Not sure why your daughter still thinks she is great help if she takes things ...... it may escalate to more valuable things ..... she may lay low for a while since she knows that they got wind of it however It may not stop her from getting her hands on valuables and then never showing her face in the house again

amother

Pink

Thu, Feb 09 2017, 3:02 pm

amother wrote:

Something got lost in the chinuch, or maybe I just can't relate to this mindset. I can't understand how the two of you can't see that touching something personal of someone else is wrong under any circumstances. confront, ask, or just fire. But this just seems off.

amother

Burlywood

Thu, Feb 09 2017, 3:14 pm

amother wrote:

You may think that going through an employee's purse is chashuva and erliche behavior but I hate to break it you, it's really disgusting, and I'm pretty sure it's against halacha.

This in not "good help" but if having a clean house is worth the loss of their belonging and the safety of their baby then go ahead. Your son in law could be in the same house while she's there but that obviously didn't stop her from stealing so why would you think would have any clue what is going on with the baby. For all you know, while the cleaning lady is busy stealing the baby could be drinking cleaning supplies chas vshalom.

amother

Mistyrose

Thu, Feb 09 2017, 3:37 pm

amother wrote:

I'm horrified that your son in law went through the lady's purse without permission. That in my book is equivalent to stealing, touching personal property that is not his own. That is treating the woman like property and not a human being.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

She should not have gotten to a point where she had to check the purse. For the sake of her belongings, kashrut, and her children's safety, it's a huge mistake not to have open cameras in the house when you're employing a stranger to care for your children and home.
IME the single most common thing I saw on the cameras was housekeepers mixing milk and meat in my kitchen, heating up treif food in a treif way as soon as I left the house (even though I showed them numerous times how to do it properly and they did it properly when I was around), feeding my kids from their own food because they couldn't be bothered to get my kosher food from the fridge, putting all dishes together in the dishwasher because it's easier than putting them into two separate dishwashers...thank god my children were never mistreated but I would know that day if they were. You can't just trust a stranger.

I think your dd needs to tell the housekeeper: 'I know you have been taking some things home like bowls, and soup...if you need to borrow something, please ask me first.' Hopefully hearing that your dd knows will make her nervous enough to stop completely. If it keeps happening, she needs to go.

ETA: I see your SIL did just that. They should make sure in a few weeks that she still isn't stealing, preferably via camera, not snooping Smile

. If they can't afford a camera, snoop away. She already proved it necessary.

amother

Mistyrose

Thu, Feb 09 2017, 3:39 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

What if you stole, and you found out that your employer looked in your bag and saw the items? Wheel out of there all you want, but could you blame him?