Home

S/O Tuition assistance

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

Report offensive ad

View latest: 24h 48h 72h


amother




Royalblue


Post  Thu, Apr 20 2017, 10:47 pm
The other tuition assistance thread got me thinking...
I am a single mother and get not a penny from my children's father to pay their tuition or anything else. I am so grateful for the very generous tuition assistance I receive from my children's school.

Sometimes I feel terrible about it and like maybe I should be cutting out the few small few "extras" in our lives (like say ordering pizza once every two months or so when I am overwhelmed, or buying my kids a $50 birthday present, or buying myself an inexpensive new top for Yom Tov when technically I don't need it) so that I could pay a bit more tuition. Or that I should take a second job even though I am stretched so thin already and barely have enough energy to give my kids who need me so much.

On the other hand, I feel like it is hard to expect that of myself when I live in a community in which my standard of living is already on the very low end and there are many who get tuition assistance and live much fancier lifestyles with many more luxuries and/or are SAHMs.

Thoughts?
Back to top

amother




Smokey


Post  Thu, Apr 20 2017, 10:58 pm
I don't think you need to feel guilty.

But in x amount of years, when your children have graduated, make sure to keep the school in mind when you're deciding where to give tzedakah.

My mother raised us alone, with not a cent from my dad ever. We lived poor and the school was incredible about it, but she kept sending them money years after we graduated.
Back to top

notshanarishona









  


Post  Thu, Apr 20 2017, 10:58 pm
I think an occasional luxury is ok. If you were getting pizza once a week I would think something is wrong, once in 2 months is very reasonable.
Back to top

causemommysaid









  


Post  Thu, Apr 20 2017, 11:00 pm
I think u should feel guilty if you built an extension on your house, got a new lexus, or bought a diamond necklace.

Pizza and birthday gifts? Come on.
Don't overthink this.
Back to top

amother




Powderblue


Post  Thu, Apr 20 2017, 11:01 pm
I understand how you feel - I think though sometimes cheapest way to pay is with money, so don't feel guilty (if your mental health goes, think how much more $ you'd need to pay for therapy etc).
Back to top

amother




Teal


Post  Thu, Apr 20 2017, 11:24 pm
notshanarishona wrote:
I think an occasional luxury is ok. If you were getting pizza once a week I would think something is wrong, once in 2 months is very reasonable.


I think pizza for a single mom once a week is not a luxury. It's not steak at Prime Grill.

OP please don't carry this extra burden of guilt. Our job as single parents is to be a mommy, Totty, breadwinner, cook, laundress, carpooler, handyman, bug-squasher, and Hashem only knows how long this list will get if I continue. Your kids deserve birthday gifts (mine don't get more than a book or game, but age and social expectations makes a difference.) I also spend at least 10-15 on party supplies at the 99 cents store, so it probably adds up to that amount. Pizza is their dad's official dinner so I don't do that, but I do buy takeout about once in two weeks. Once in two months is nothing!

The good people fargin you. Those who don't have their own "stuff", pain that they carry, perhaps wishing for the consideration you are getting. Don't take imagined negativity on yourself.

IYH one day you might be in a position to repay the kindnesses done to you. That's what keeps me going.
Back to top

amother




Royalblue


Post  Fri, Apr 21 2017, 12:05 am
Thanks everyone for your responses and encouragement. I guess when I read other posts about how people who take tuition assistance better be sure they really need this tzedakah and should cut back in order to pay more tuition etc., I start to second guess myself. But I maybe those posts are referring to people whose income and standard of living is much higher than mine. I hope one day with Hashem's help I will be in a position to give back to the school.
Back to top

amother




Coral


Post  Fri, Apr 21 2017, 12:55 am
I'm Oak on the other thread, and I first brought up the idea that tuition assistance in tzedaka. You are exactly the kind of person a tuition committee wants to help. Please don't feel bad.

May you have strength to keep taking good care of your family. May you soon find yourself in a position to give (and if so, please remember the school Wink )
Back to top

amother




Plum


Post  Fri, Apr 21 2017, 11:50 am
I'm OP on the other thread and don't know if you mean to imply that I should not ask for tuition assistance. I'm a sahm only for now because of multiple young ones at home. I was a working full time mother but it took an honestly huge toll on me and my family for a meager salary. I couldn't pull if off in a way that my home was functioning normally at all and my kids were losing out on having an emotional connection to their mother. My mental health was just about gone. For starters, I didn't even know what to do when just about every other week one of my kids needed to stay home sick.

We're not poor but we watch our spending very carefully. We never eat out or get take-out, ever. We generally only buy new shoes, not clothing/toys.
Back to top

SixOfWands









  


Post  Fri, Apr 21 2017, 12:06 pm
OP, there's a line somewhere. We can argue about where it is, but we cannot argue that you crossed it, because IMNSHO, no one could ever reasonably say that you did.

No one needs to wear rags and eat rice and beans 365 days a year in order to merit tuition assistance. That would be absurd. And cruel.

Enjoy your new top, and have an extra slice of pizza. You're doing great.
Back to top

amother




Royalblue


Post  Fri, Apr 21 2017, 12:06 pm
amother wrote:
I'm OP on the other thread and don't know if you mean to imply that I should not ask for tuition assistance. I'm a sahm only for now because of multiple young ones at home. I was a working full time mother but it took an honestly huge toll on me and my family for a meager salary. I couldn't pull if off in a way that my home was functioning normally at all and my kids were losing out on having an emotional connection to their mother. My mental health was just about gone. For starters, I didn't even know what to do when just about every other week one of my kids needed to stay home sick.

We're not poor but we watch our spending very carefully. We never eat out or get take-out, ever. We generally only buy new shoes, not clothing/toys.


No, I totally did not mean to imply you should not apply for tuition assistance. I apologize if it sounded that way. I purposely started a different thread because I was not trying to comment on your situation. It was just that the way some people responded to you made me think twice about my own situation.
Back to top

amother




Brown


Post  Fri, Apr 21 2017, 12:49 pm
op- many/most pple put single mothers in their own category and are a lot more "forgiving" as in well thats who the scholarships are meant for, of course she might need more takeout etc... she's playing both mother and father.
Back to top

amother




Puce


Post  Fri, Apr 21 2017, 12:51 pm
I'm pretty sure you're ok. a decent number of people who just got back from Pesach programs or recently remodeled their kitchens get a significant tuition break. Those people should be ashamed of themselves. Not you.
Back to top

amother




Plum


Post  Fri, Apr 21 2017, 1:24 pm
Right, thanks. I didn't mean you, OP. I was talking to people who replied to your post who said they also replied on mine.

amother wrote:
No, I totally did not mean to imply you should not apply for tuition assistance. I apologize if it sounded that way. I purposely started a different thread because I was not trying to comment on your situation. It was just that the way some people responded to you made me think twice about my own situation.
Back to top

amother




Firebrick


Post  Sun, Apr 23 2017, 5:27 pm
I get tuition assistance, work 2 jobs and my kids have not gotten pizza in many years. A few years ago, we got ice cream at the end of the summer as we didn't do anything special all summer as I had to work and couldn't afford anything.

We buy only needed clothing, torn or unwearable replacements, not yom tov tops etc.
Not one birthday present or party for a birthday ever! We do have home made cake and a special affordable home made supper though.


Not to rain on the party, but I feel like taking assistance is something that many take for granted.
I'm not single but my dh hasn't been able to earn in a long time, so we are a one earner family but don't get the breaks as we're a whole family.
Not one of my kids have every gotten a $50 birthday gift! That includes Bar/bas mitzvah!

No cleaning help either, yes, I clean and make everything from scratch, no convenience foods.

Everyone has their own level of poverty obviously and people who get help have all levels of need or perceived needs.
No grandparents ever available to help or buy the kids presents or pizza or ice cream for that matter.
It's life and I guess it sucks, I guess it gets to me at times.

I know to many this is small change, maybe you don't get how some people live. There are people who work really really hard and unfortunately parnassa is blocked for some reason, hashem rules and there are people who can never ever buy a danish a bagel a slice of pizza etc.
Back to top

ectomorph









  


Post  Sun, Apr 23 2017, 9:35 pm
Generally no one is going to hold tuition assistance against a single mother. In some ways you have it easier than people whose husbands are terrible but people don't know, because people will assume you're having a hard time. But you'll have it harder in every other way don't feel guilty.
Back to top
Recent Topics

Page 1 of 1 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

Similar Topics Replies Last Post
Tuition Assistance 1 Mon, Jul 12 2010, 6:24 pm View latest post
Yeshiva tuition assistance
by amother
42 Sun, Apr 23 2017, 12:53 am View latest post
tuition assistance in Lakewood
by amother
19 Mon, Oct 28 2013, 5:54 pm View latest post
tuition assistance brooklyn yeshiva
by amother
1 Tue, Feb 25 2014, 9:06 pm View latest post
Tuition Assistance and Savings
by amother
27 Mon, Mar 13 2017, 3:56 pm View latest post

Jump to:  







Report offensive ad