Should I take back 20-year-old baby clothing?

FranticFrummie

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 11:27 am

kjb wrote:

I can't believe nobody has said this already: teenagers are naturally very sensitive about what's in or out but have we REALLY got to the point where so called grown ups look at other peoples babies and say 'my, those little wide sweatpants are so 1990s - what a shlumpy mother!'? Indulge your teenage daughter if you want by buying a couple of baby pants in the 'latest' style and other than that put him or her in whatever you find convenient and acceptable. If your kids are anything like mine, you're going to have enough trouble when that baby develops his or her OWN ideas about what's stylish in a few years time. The great thing about being an 'older' mother is being able to be more relaxed about minor things like the width of pants than a newly married neurotisizing over her first baby.

THIS. I don't look at a baby's clothes; I look at baby faces, tiny hands, and chubby feet. I look at bright eyes, round cheeks, and thick eyelashes.

Never in my life have I ever looked at a baby, and made a judgement about his/her clothing, aside from "how cute!" Even if the clothing was stained, that just comes with the package of having a baby. Baby clothes need to be soft and appropriate for the weather, that's all.

Personally, I find the obsession with making babies into fashion accessories to be deeply disturbing. I'm reminded of people who have tiny dogs, who put bows on their dogs and carry them around in their purses. Babies are not put on this earth to make YOU look good.

Who is the parent of this baby - you, or the teenager? Let her get a summer job and buy him outfits if she's going to have a strong opinion about this.

amother

Pearl

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 12:29 pm

Thanks again for all the replies. I think I need to clarify something though.

My daughter is quite the opposite of fashion conscious. For years, she wore the same Shabbos outfit that she sewed for herself. She pays no attention to trends and always chooses comfort over style.

That said, a neat look is important to her. What bothers her about this 20-year-old clothing is that she feels it looks messy and shlumpy, not that it's not trendy enough. She wouldn't know trendy if it stared her in the face.

My daughter is very respectful and is not the one who calls the shots around here, but I value her opinion, mostly because she is so practical.

I get a lot of joy out of dressing my baby in nice clothing that makes him look put together and loved. Not trendy but neat and orderly. If 20-year-old clothing looks messy and shlumpy, I prefer not to use it.

Meanwhile, I got the stuff back and am going through it. The stretchies should be usable, but not everything survived the years so well. I have to try to get out the stains and see what can be salvaged. Some of it is also very pimply, and I'm not sure I can do anything about that. I really prefer not to buy him new stuff right now since I don't get paid maternity leave so as it is things are really tight. (I actually went back to work part time from home 2 weeks after birth just to put food on the table.) So hopefully some of this stuff will be usable and I don't mind washing every day so we don't need that much.

Thanks again to you all!

FranticFrummie

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 12:41 pm

OP, I apologize that my post came across so harsh. Please forgive me. I'm in a bit of a mood today, it has nothing to do with you. embarrassed

I'm glad you're finding some useful clothing in there. You probably won't be taking the baby out too often while he's so little, so the outfits shouldn't be a big deal for now. When you save up a bit, enjoy dressing him cute!

Clothes that can't be saved, if they are soft, can make great dusting rags. My mom always had cut up baby clothes in a drawer for polishing furniture, silver, and wiping down counters.

Of course anything still wearable, but just not your taste, will be welcome at the nearest charity shop. Contact the Jewish Agency and find out where your nearest absorption center is. New immigrants from poorer countries always need more clothes, as many come with just one suitcase.

mommy3b2c

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 12:52 pm

kjb wrote:

Perhaps I should be embarrassed to admit this, but when I see poorly dressed children, I do wonder they their mothers can't dress their children normally.

amother

Pearl

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 1:00 pm

amother wrote:

I think there is a clothing store/gemach on panim meiros. I heard that they sell clothing at $1 a piece. I'm in the US ... does anyone have info on this?

mazal tov on your baby! Lots of nachas!!!

Amen and thanks!

I don't live anywhere near the good gmachim--or any gemachim for that matter. I live a good 2+ hours away from Yerushalayim, and the closest thing we have to a gemach is a secondhand store of American clothing which is more expensive than buying things new in the local store.

amother

Pearl

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 1:04 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

OP, I apologize that my post came across so harsh. Please forgive me. I'm in a bit of a mood today, it has nothing to do with you. embarrassed

I was not offended, but I appreciate your apology. I just assumed I hadn't been clear enough as to our situation.

One thing I noticed is that a lot of the clothing is already too small for my baby. He was born weighing almost double what my oldest weighed at birth and is already wearing a size 3-6 months at 3 weeks old. So a lot of this stuff will have to go and I will look into donating anything that looks like it might still be useful.

Thanks for your advice.

amother

Blonde

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 1:06 pm

amother wrote:

if you live near teveria I can send you baby things .... My relative will be coming from israel to the US soon and I can send things for you.

pesek zman

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 1:16 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Perhaps I should be embarrassed to admit this, but when I see poorly dressed children, I do wonder they their mothers can't dress their children normally.

I think many people do this, by isn't 'normal' relative?

Looking at children at my pesach program dressed in trends I find abhorrent (leggings and legging shorts on boys, rompers on either gender, etc) I probably thought the same.

amother

Pearl

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 1:40 pm

amother wrote:

if you live near teveria I can send you baby things .... My relative will be coming from israel to the US soon and I can send things for you.

That is so kind of you. Tiveria is about a 40-minute drive from here, but since we don't have a car and there are no direct buses, it would be about a 1-1/2 hour trip each way. I do have a relative in Tiveria though, so I'm going to see if she has any plans of heading in our direction anytime soon and can bring it to us.

I really appreciate your offer.

water_bear88

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 1:49 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Perhaps I should be embarrassed to admit this, but when I see poorly dressed children, I do wonder they their mothers can't dress their children normally.

I mean this in the nicest way possible, because I've seen how many times you've personally offered help to anyone who needs it-

This is exactly why some on this site dislike constantly-changing fashions, in particular for small children. It starts very innocently with fun and a legitimate hobby (and I'm guilty here too; for you it may be shopping, for me it's sewing). But at some point it seems to end up in the mother who wants or needs to be frugal having to worry about what others think about her because she took her kids out to the playground in already-stained playclothes.

(And I didn't and am not going to hug you)

amother

Gold

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 2:01 pm

water_bear88 wrote:

Right, some mothers can't dress their kids up to date and fashionable at all time because that takes a lot of time and money. I know what's in style and up to date but I absolutely cannot afford to keep buying my kids new clothes based on that. They wear hand me downs that are cute and comfortable and sometimes even stained. Because I have to devote my time and money to other things.

sprayonlove

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 2:14 pm

Hi there is cheap baby clothes to be found in Israel. Selection has solid color baby outfits (pants and a shirt) for 30 shekels and Leader has outfits and pajamas for 15 shekels and even cheaper. It isn't necessary to buy an entirely new wardrobe, but two or three new outfits isn't that expensive.

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 2:15 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Perhaps I should be embarrassed to admit this, but when I see poorly dressed children, I do wonder they their mothers can't dress their children normally.

Define "poorly" and "normally."

Not applicable to the OP's situation, but many creatively dressed very young children select their own outfits. It makes me smile to see them in this phase. I'm sure there are others who feel the need to avert their eyes. Whatever.

Just one example of many demonstrating how subjective this is.

Chayalle

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 2:16 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Perhaps I should be embarrassed to admit this, but when I see poorly dressed children, I do wonder they their mothers can't dress their children normally.

Just so you know, sometimes it's the kid, not the parents.

I happen to have one child who is my favorite free-spirited little nerd on the planet...try as I might, she has this tendency to look shlumpy. It's like she just wants to look that way, and doesn't care about looks, though she's quite pretty B"AH..... She won't let me do anything cute to her hair (I'm pretty good at little braids, etc...), and she consistently chooses her most nerdy outfit as her favorite. She's sensory, and won't wear certain style clothes (like anything with shirring, or elastic anywhere that's uncomfortable, etc...) or shoes (no ankle straps, preferrably no buckles, will try to escape the house in sneakers on Shabbos afternoon....). I've learned not to buy clothes that she won't wear, and I can't always find fashionable stuff that she will...so lots of compromise comes into play. It's not worth fighting with her, so I tell myself it's okay to not be so fashionable, it's not a crime. I just do my best....