Would u keep her back?

amother

Firebrick

Tue, May 02 2017, 12:25 pm

Just want to hear other ppls view on this. My daughter is on kindergarten. She is born in middle of December and is a couple weeks past the deadline. A lot of her class is her age. She is NOT the youngest.
I put her in kindergarten knowing that is she needs she can repeat it. She is learning amazing and knows what she is learning. Has friends and loves school. She is in the same class as her best friend and neighbor across the street and also her aunt (my youngest sister) who is 2 months younger than her (also pushed ahead) is in the parallel class. She is best friends as well with her and they r very very competitive. My daughter is tiny but has tons of friends. The teacher told me that she may benefit from another year in kindergarten as she had a few concerns but she said she can go either way. Her concerns were.
1. She doesn't follow directions 100%. She mixes them up. Teacher days it's a maturity thing and normal. She will mature.
2. She has a hard time cutting with a scissor on the line. I know this as my son gad the same issue and by she is is getting much better.

My concerns with keeping her back:
1. My sister and my neighbor are both going ahead and she is close friends and competitive with both.
2. She may be bored as she really knows what she is learning.

On the other hand maybe is should keep her back.
Age is no issue either way. Both grades have kids her age on them.

What would u do?

amother

Floralwhite

Tue, May 02 2017, 12:40 pm

U raised several concerns. Only u can truly judge how severe they are. I have a hunch u already know what u want to do but since ur asking... if the kids r competive n see each other all the time, staying "left back" may possibly make ur daughter feel dumb. I don't think Ull be able to explain to her ur reasoning, valid as it may be. If it were my daughter I would seriously consider moving her up, especially since the teacher says it's really ok. Like u said, she'll catch up

amother

Firebrick

Tue, May 02 2017, 12:49 pm

amother wrote:

I actually don't k is what I am going to do yet at all. Thanks for ur response. I feel toward moving her up because of the social aspect of it...I also feel that she will mature and learn. I just don't want to have issues next year and feel like I made the wrong choice. Her teacher did say at this point it's my choice. I can wait it out till the end of the year and decide. She said some kids r for sure staying back but most are going ahead.

amother

Peach

Tue, May 02 2017, 1:34 pm

At this age it is so easy to hold back.
IMO one of the most important factors in deciding the grade is the social aspect. Is she so socially ahead, that she wont be able to stand the grade below her? Will she gain from being a leader as one of the oldest? Does she play age appropriately? You don't want self esteem to be ruined because of grade placement.

With the following directions, that is something you should look into. Can she easily do three step directions? For example "color the house blue, cut out the yellow sun and place it on my desk." If your child know the aleph bais and alphabet, answers the correct parsha questions, thats great. However, those examples are basically memorization and not comprehension skills. Every year comprehension will be more and more difficult. If it is difficult this year, next year will be even harder.

I wouldn't hold back because of fine motor skills, but that is something to add to the equation. How are her drawing skills? Can she color in the lines? When all the other kids are making beautiful pictures next year, you don't want her fell bad about her own skills.

The fact that your sister and her friend are in her current grade are a plus, but not something to consider making your decision with.

I don't know where you live, but if I were in your shoes, I would take her for a professional evaluation. I had the same dilemma with my children. I took them both for an evaluation, but I made the final decision. One I held back and one I didn't.

amother

Seagreen

Tue, May 02 2017, 2:05 pm

I have a bit of a different spin on the issue of being with your sister and the friend. If they are very competitive with each other, might it be better in the long run for them NOT to be in the same grade?

My daughter was born at the end of November. She is extremely bright and even when she was little, and the youngest in her class, always played nicely with the other kids. However, I followed her teacher's advice and repeated her in nursery and have always been so glad I did that. She is in 1st grade now and has never been bored in school even though she is a fast learner and one of the 2 or 3 oldests in her class. Being the oldest has been so good for her self esteem and confidence. I hear how keeping back can hurt self esteem, but on the other hand being behind the other kids in your class can also hurt it. Every kid and situation was different, but this was my experience.

Whatever you decide may it be with much mazel!

amother

Chartreuse

Tue, May 02 2017, 2:40 pm

Move her forward.

Cutting? Not a good enough reason to hold back in my book. I have one kid who at 10 still isn't great at cutting but he's doing fine in school.

Doesn't follow directions 100%? Oh, well. I know a lot of adults who don't follow directions 100% either.

Honestly, if she's been given the green light, let her move forward. These just aren't reasons to separate her from her friends or risk making her feel bad needing to stay back.

amother

Crimson

Tue, May 02 2017, 3:12 pm

I think that if in terms of maturity socially, emotionally, and intellectually, she is on par with her class (which it sounds like she is), then I would move her forward - she will have a hard time in all 3 areas if you keep her back.

As far as the teacher's concerns though, you should work on those with her starting now and into the summer:
- Cutting itself isn't a big deal, but sometimes it is an indicator for the fine motor skills are not yet ready for writing. So get in some extra practice cutting, coloring, tracing stencils, etc. And fi next year she is still behind, you can always get her OT - this is less of a big deal than her being bored in school, or having to make all new friends, or feeling bad about being left back.
- In terms of following directions, there are things you can do to work on this with her - try games that require following a few instructions at a time, and help her with it when she gets stuck but showing her how to break things down and/or remember what to do.

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, May 02 2017, 6:29 pm

amother wrote:

1. She doesn't follow directions 100%. She mixes them up. Teacher days it's a maturity thing and normal. She will mature.
2. She has a hard time cutting with a scissor on the line. I know this as my son gad the same issue and by she is is getting much better.

Are these seriously the reasons she gave? With a straight face?

Absurd.

imasinger

Tue, May 02 2017, 6:42 pm

Peach amother gave great advice.

It's possible that the teacher is overreacting. But it's also possible that she's picking up on something, which may or may not be connected to maturity.

In the end, it's your call, but getting an outside opinion is often helpful.

If you decide to hold her back and don't make a big deal about her repeating, she won't, either. She'll bond with her new class pretty quickly. And a lot of kids that age actually like repeating a year. They become the class experts, and are often looked up to by the other kids.

You can talk to the teacher about enrichment, so that she doesn't get bored.

SixOfWands

Tue, May 02 2017, 6:59 pm

amother wrote:

Are these seriously the reasons she gave? With a straight face?

Absurd.

Not at all.

The teacher is telling the OP that her daughter has not developed to the point that she can do what will be expected of her in the next grade, including following more complex instructions. Not to mention fine motor skills, which might impair her ability to write clearly.

Now, maybe she'll be fine by the fall. Or maybe she won't be developmentally ready, setting her up for failure that isn't her fault, and potentially making her feel inferior.

agreer

Tue, May 02 2017, 7:01 pm

Kindergarten is sooooo young! She's not going to be "bored" yet. And older kids usually do much better in school than the youngest in the class.

I'm super-concerned by your emphasis on the competitive aspect between her and her aunt and neighbor. That's ridiculous and I would separate them because of that. Also, I don't know if you are proud of it or encouraging it, but I would try REALLY hard not to. Competitiveness is not a good trait.

amother

Hotpink

Tue, May 02 2017, 7:10 pm

I repeated my dd this year. Her school wont let you pass the deadline, dd was a few days before it. Unfortunately her class was a year older and dd wasnt happy. Dd was also behind in her projects which affects a pre1a girl since they expect more independence.

Dd isnt the oldest in her class. Socially she is doing way better. She developed as a leader this year and loves helping the others with their projects.

I repeated her because I never wanted to hear from the school that she is falling behind.

amother

Firebrick

Tue, May 02 2017, 8:13 pm

Ok here. Thanks for the responses. To the ones who said not to worry about the fact that neighbor and aunt will be going ahead I disagree. She plays with these kids daily and she knows hers and neighbors birthday are 3 days apart and she knows she is 2 months older than aunt. I don't want her in aunts class and it worked out great this year not to be in her class but in the parallel class. It May be babd for her self esteem to realize ahe went back an they didn't. I do hear the teachers concerns about the following directions. I just am not sure if its a reason to keep her back or not. Her cutting is a fine motor skill I am working on. I have taught her house a pencil the right way using specialized grips and I am working on her cutting which has improved drastically.
The teacher told me that she feels it's. A maturity thing and ahe will out grow it and I shouldn't be worried. She said it's ttly my call what to do at this point.
I do understand the posters saying that being the oldest is good as well. I have 4 siblings born at the end of the year. All 4 started kindergarten early. 2 went ahead and it was not good for one as she was in a cousins class they the years. It would have been fine in a parallel class though. She blossomed in high school.
One being the youngest was fine and he was always a class leader and. A great kid.
Other 2. One repeated kindergarten as she had a major speech problem and needed lots of help. Other time went to pre 1a and them went back to kindergarten in middle of the year as the pre 1a teacher had lots of issues with her (I think it was maturity) and them went to pre 1a the next year.

I know it's child to child.

amother

Blush

Tue, May 02 2017, 9:49 pm

I have several end of year kids. Some we pushed back, some we pushed ahead.
This is very emotional topic for me, since the school where we lived (the one and only Jewish school) had very inflexible rules and I felt we were forced to do what was not right by our children (which was to keep them back).

So without bringing up all those bad feelings, I will just stay on topic and say it's not true that there's "no harm" in pushing a kid back (which we were told, repeatedly, by experts.) Enrichment cannot take the place of a child on the verge of boredom-death. And most teachers have their hands full as it is and will not view your child's enrichment needs as important item on their already-too-busy agenda. I have had a child reading both English and Hebrew fluently (3rd grade level - we had him tested) and was force-placed against our will to the grade below where he was taught Hebrew and English letter recognition. And noone was willing to otherwise occupy him during all those instruction hours. And when he got home from school at the end of the day, he didn't want to start "real" learning. So he was just overall bored-depressed. And as to the social aspect, he was so far ahead of his classmates, that they didn't even see him as a peer, so leaving him back did him no favors socially.