Naming after vs. choosing names you like

Yakira

Sun, Sep 23 2007, 2:52 pm

Between me and DH we have zero grandparents. That's a lot of names to name after. His side isn't frum so it's probably not as much of an issue to name after. My side, there have been loads of kids named after every grandparent, b'h. And they've all been niftar quite some time ago. My question is, when my baby is IYH born, is it very wrong to just shock the family and pick a name that we like as opposed to naming after someone? Has anyone ever done this - NOT named after someone even though the could have?

Ruchel

Sun, Sep 23 2007, 3:03 pm

I personally disagree a lot with not naming after the non frum, unless your rav told you so or they were reshaim. A yiddishe neshoma is a yiddishe neshome, and the non frum person was him/herself named after a frum one, as some time ago almost all Jews were frum.

If everyone has one person named after, then you don't have to name after if you don't want to (although I would), but leaving someone not named after is IMHO something I wouldn't ever do. Use the name as middle name if you don't like it, it's better than nothing!

Good luck in your choice!

shalhevet

Sun, Sep 23 2007, 3:21 pm

My first son was named after dh's grandfather. My second son, my mother asked me to name after her father. Now his name, although a perfectly good name from the Tanach is not used at all in our Israeli Litvish circles for anyone under 50. I didn't have an option of a second name, since we use all names given and call our child their full, given name - no nicknames even.

I thought about it long and hard - dh left it up to me Exploding anger

. I thought:
1. My parents had the option of naming after someone in Hebrew and then choosing whatever they liked in English. I am called after my grandmother, but the name used (which is actually Biblical) is not her name, which I was called at the Torah reading.
2. My parents gave middle names which were almost never used.
3. A few boys in the family were already named after him - most as a middle, not-used name, but one has just his name.

So, we called him another name (which I love). My mother was very upset when I phoned her after the brit (she wasn't in the country), but she got over it after a few days.

Yakira

Sun, Sep 23 2007, 4:04 pm

Ruchel wrote:

I hear you about the non-frum. The truth is that his mother's parents are an option, but not the type that my MIL would be insulted if they weren't named after, and I don't think DH was too close to them. DH's dad's side is not an option, not involved at all.

Seraph

Sun, Sep 23 2007, 4:17 pm

Yakira wrote:

Me.
We have a total of 4 niftar grandparents, didnt chose any of them and named a name that we liked.

lubcoralsprings

Sun, Sep 23 2007, 4:28 pm

I don't think you should/shouldn't name after anyone but just because the relative isn't frum doesn't mean you can't name after them. The truth is when you name a after a person it elevates their neshama. I am proud that my son and daughter are named after relatives, even if they weren't frum. They were both wonderful people and that's what counts in my mind.

amother

Sun, Sep 23 2007, 4:35 pm

It says that when parents give a name to their baby, they have Ruach HaKodesh... they have a special view into the Neshama in order to see which name is Shayach. A name is a direct expression of the Neshama.

Thus sometimes it is shayach to name after a relative and sometimes not. And it is the parents, and only the parents (no MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL, DF, DM, DS or DB) have that Ruach HaKodesh, and none of them have any business questioning the parents!!

I know too many stories in which parents were planning to name a baby one thing, and then when the baby was born, it was obvious to them that another name was shayach for this baby-- and incredible stories of when these kids grew up and how their names were very fitting for their lives/personalities, etc.!!

Seraph

Sun, Sep 23 2007, 4:37 pm

Yakira wrote:

Breslov - can I ask if you considered naming after a grandparent at all, and if so what made you decide not to?

Well, our rav said that if you name after a person, you name their whole name and you don't combine it with another name. So we couldnt just give a relatives name as a second name.

So three of the relatives-
One was named after by my brother in law. And its the same name as my brother.
One wasn't such a good person, and I personally cannot STAND the name.
Third one wasnt jewish so doesnt have a jewish name to name after, nor was there a hebrew equivalent (George Richard, you know what I mean?).
Fourth was a woman, but we don't plan on naming any daughters after her, and my neice was named after her, and my sister has that name.

We did consider my great grandfather- he's the only one in the family we'd consider naming after, but not as a first child. Maybe a future son.

Yitta

Sun, Sep 23 2007, 4:53 pm

I agree with the amother above, I have also heard that the parents have a special view of the nechama and they should decide the name that is best for their child.

For my 1st son- my step-father's father was the only close male relative(not frum) who had passed away so we had used a first name we liked and named the second name after him.
For my 2nd son- my husbands grandfather had passed away the year earlier and we had named the 2nd name after him(I didn't like the name as a first name).
For my 3rd son- we wanted to name after someone and we didn't know a name until 6:00 am the morning of the bris. We called my husband's mother to find out who hadn't been named after. We decided on Asher(which is a story of its own) and wouldn't you know his smile and happiness is always noticed by everyone. The name suits him and was decided last minute.
For my daughter- my grandmother had passed away 3 months earlier and we decided to name her as a 2nd name(to be consistent) but my other grandmother would never be named so we gave her 3 names. And her personality is definitely a mixture of the 2 strong women she was named after.

So to make a long story short- go with your instinct as parents and you will decide what's best.

Yakira

Sun, Sep 23 2007, 5:00 pm

Thanks all. I think the fact that we have a parent to name after if it's a boy makes naming after a generation further less important in my mind somehow. As for the non-frum thing, forget I mentioned anything, let's just say DH didn't grow up with fond memories of Bubby and Zaidy and feel the need to name after either. I do hope to name after both my grandmothers at some point, but we both like the idea of choosing a girl name if she's a girl, and maybe using the other names down the line.

zigi

Mon, Sep 24 2007, 11:55 am

eveyone asked us thats his name? I felt bad my grandmother was hoping that we would name after her dh, my other grandfather dh didn't like the name, so he name my ds something else, when I held my baby the name also came to mind so we named him xxx with my dd we named her after my mother and also added a name the name we added was the female version of my grandfathers name, we relised after the fact. with my next as soon as he was born I had a name in my head for him, my mil's fathers name, dh added to it because he didn't really like the name.

amother

Mon, Sep 24 2007, 12:09 pm

bh we dont have any boys names to name after so ds wasnt such an issue. however, there is a girls name available and no one has been named after her yet. I am bh pregnant with my second and if its a girl, me and dh are already up in arms about what to do. I dont like the girls name that is available but he feels since its his great grandmother (and he remembers her) he wants to name after her. I said the only way I'll agree to it is if I can give another name and call by that...but we still have a couple of months to discuss it.

boruchhashem

Mon, Sep 24 2007, 12:24 pm

All our girls are named for grandmothers and great grandmother. One son is named after the rebbe,and one sone after my grandfather, and my baby has one name not in the family on either side at all, only the meaning is what we gave. But while I was in labor, dh decided to add his great grandmas name to it, so as not to insult his mother. But mostly, we call her by the name we both thought of seperately, yet the same. Nechama

amother

Mon, Oct 08 2007, 7:31 am

Amother, I am in the same situation. Dh very much wants to name after his grandfather if this baby is a boy, and I don't really like the name at all. I don't believe in giving a name and not using it, and his grandfather is already named for, so I don't feel as obligated. I think I might use it as a middle name and be makpid to call the whole name, but we really aren't sure. My other 3 kids are all named for my side, so I kind of feel it's "his turn." But then again I'm the only one frum, the only one married on my side (no cousins / brother not married / etc), and his grandparents are all named for since he is a younger child and B"H has 8 nieces & nephews already.

Marion

Mon, Oct 08 2007, 8:13 am

We have several "chiyuvim" as far as names go; although we can kill several birds with one stone if we ever have a girl (both of DH's maternal great-grandmothers and my father's mother all had the same first name, so for us it's a no brainer...and we DO like the name!).

DS #1 was named after my grandfather, and a great uncle of DH's who never had children. We use both names (although if DH is not around I will use only his first name, and I think they've been doing so at daycare too).

This baby, we're still discussing names to use if it's a boy.

Newsie

Mon, Oct 08 2007, 8:30 am

My children are all named for grandparents or great grandparents. Some of them were not necessarily names I would have chosen (but nothing outlandish- all classic names from the Tanach) but my kids have grown into their names and they suit them. We have never named a child something random- but maybe in the future IY"H we'll be able to just name a kid something that we like. But I love the fact that my children are named for people who were special

catonmylap

Mon, Oct 08 2007, 9:41 am

We will only use names we like, especially as the first name. I have less issues with the middle name if it is a normal name.

I think it's perfectly okay to name after someone but not use the exact name.

We named ds after my grandmother (obviously changed the name) and his middle name is after dh's grandfathers.

I would never give my kids a yiddish name. I was named after 2 great-grandmothers but their names were made into Hebrew from Yiddish.

If a relative already named after the person, I feel we are relieved from having to name after them.

I think the name has to fit the baby---I told my husband the name we chose wasn't final till we saw him--he totally didn't get that concept.