School doesn't like dh dress

marina

Thu, May 25 2017, 11:18 am

dancingqueen wrote:

But isn't it considered normal in these circles for a rabbi (man) to call out a mothers dress for not being tznius enough?

This is a different twist, usually it's the moms dress that the school complains about.

Here's an idea, BY principals: keep your eyes on your own husband's crotch!

To see how hysterical this really is, everyone should imagine their kid's principal saying this about their husband.

I have to stop laughing and get back to work before I get fired. Goodbye.

Laiya

Thu, May 25 2017, 11:19 am

amother wrote:

Thanks. I just don't know what to tell dh. He will be so upset and embarrassed. It's so not him. He dresses how he likes and always looks nice and neat. I want to bring it up and see what to do but right away he will rant and rave how he is pulling out. If I pull out I have nowhere to send(at this point)
I know so many ppl who are not in school yet for next year as schools say there is no room. I don't want to stoop to begging for a slot somewhere and I have no school that I particularly want anyways.
She is soooooo happy here.
Also I don't think it's their business...honestly I have so many other things to deal with besides how he dresses (which has never ever ever been an issue anywhere)

Generally, the principal answers to the board. If the board likes your family, or you or your parents have friends on the board with pull, I don't think you have to worry about getting kicked out. And I don't think you should have to pull out either. Hatzlocha

amother

Scarlet

Thu, May 25 2017, 11:20 am

dancingqueen wrote:

No, it's not normal. Generally a female principal would be the one to address a mother.

mommy3b2c

Thu, May 25 2017, 11:20 am

dancingqueen wrote:

It's actually not considered normal at all. It's considered perverted.

You're mixing up with another concept. Rabbis saying tznius rules is considered normal. Checking out women and commenting on them is considered off in all circles.

PinkFridge

Thu, May 25 2017, 11:22 am

amother wrote:

Thanks. I am just annoyed because dh tries so hard and is such a great parent. I mean like come on....his pants?????? Dh wasn't so excited about sending here in the first place...but dd is soooo happy and I feel so comfortable there. I dont know of any other school to send to....I don't like the other schools in town.
I don't think they will kick me out. I think dh will grudgingly just say he will try to work on things...however he will always be upset over it. It's pathetic to make a drink over it. He is not a yeshiva guy and never will be. She told me that He doesn't need to dress yeshivish...so not sure what they want.

Does your school have a vaad hachinuch? Is there anyone on the vaad you respect you can speak to? I find this disconcerting. You don't have to be yeshivish to be a good parent - to raise kids with great middos, to choose a school where the kids will be taught important general knowledge, skills, and be given an enthusiasm to implement them, and to live this way in your own life. I hate to see a school alienating good parents like I'm sure you are.

I truly hope you can find someone to troubleshoot for you and wish you hatzlacha.

ETA: and whatever you do, don't let this filter down to your daughter. It's like a marriage. You and the school might have disagreements but put on a united front. I know that there were some programs my parents didn't like and we didn't participate in (sorry to be so vague) but it never resulted in our respecting the school less.

Last edited by PinkFridge on Thu, May 25 2017, 11:25 am; edited 1 time in total

dancingqueen

Thu, May 25 2017, 11:24 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

Ok I'm glad to hear that!

amother

Babyblue

Thu, May 25 2017, 11:25 am

honestly OP schools have certain rules how the want the parents to dress. I dress a certain way just when I pick up kids, it sucks but if not they will find reasons to throw out.
Seems like they are actually being pleasant to you about this issue(eventhough I agree it's ridiculous to look a man's pants!) because you pay full tuition and your an alumni and they know your family. They would be more harsh with other ppl, so take the criticism and try to compromise on something. you don't need to run pulling your kid out of school for every small issue,,every school has their things. so if it's not this the next school will say something else.
sorry you have to deal with it!

amother

Wine

Thu, May 25 2017, 11:28 am

amother wrote:

You shouldn't be the messenger here. You aren't your DH's secretary. Let the school contact him directly - this is between him and the school. And the person meeting with DH should be a man.

Yes DH will be upset. But I bet DH will eventually become rational and reason that pulling out of the school is not a solution - since there is nowhere else to go.

He will probably rationalize. They are going to want me at the meeting. I just think they should have discussed this in a normal way not in the hallway....they should have called like a mentch. Dh and I are one team.....and I honestly don't feel it's the schools business how he dresses. They knew he is not a learning guy and that he only wears a hat on shabbos. It used to bother me sometimes that he didn't wear it during the week. I realized that bh he is an amazing amazing guy who davens 3 times a day usually with a minyan and I learned that there are other things that are more important in life. I have not discussed this in years with him. He agreed that if he went to a school dinner etc he would wear a hat and white shirt. (Before we sent) (he doesn't go and I don't push though)
Day to day it's usually a colored shirt....honestly tight pants was just ttly beyond what I would expect....I never realized that they are even considered tight...

amother

Blonde

Thu, May 25 2017, 11:51 am

This doesn't help OP, but that's why I'm glad I live OOT. All types together in one school. No one would DREAM of telling a parent off for his choice of clothing (unless it was truly halachically uncceptable..hard to even come up with something..like going shirtless, perhaps?).

Anyway, I like Pink Fridge's idea of going to the vaad hachinuch.

Say "My husband is a wonderful mentch who davens 3 x a day and works hard to make a parnassah to pay full tuition. He dresses in a refined manner. I'm confused about his supposed infractions and want to talk to you about it to see if we are indeed a good fit for this school."

Learning

Thu, May 25 2017, 12:21 pm

She's talked to you in the hallway and didn't invite you for a meeting. I think she is not going to insist on it. She just leaves it to you. Just ignore it for now.if she asks you again tell her the truth that you didn't talk to dh about it because he would be insulted or annoyed.....

marina

Thu, May 25 2017, 12:24 pm

amother wrote:

my non-frum relatives keep a kippah in the glove box of their car - for use when its socially/religiously needed. Perhaps DH can keep a bekkishe in the trunk ....Would that make things worse Smile

I was thinking a kilt. Easier to fit into glove compartment & more discreet.

mummiedearest

Thu, May 25 2017, 12:40 pm

marina wrote:

I was thinking a kilt. Easier to fit into glove compartment & more discreet.

actually, I'd have him go in with the kilt and all accessories. won't quite fit in a glove compartment. he can tell the principal that pants were only accepted as men's garb a few centuries ago, and that pants are too modern for him. he considers them untznius, especially that opening between the legs that points to the crotch. in fact, he should tell them that pants should really be worn by women, pants show less on them.

oh, and he should bring a bagpipe with him and play something on it. in the hall. cause it's fun.

Ilovemaryland

Thu, May 25 2017, 12:51 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

I can't like this post enough

OP offhand I say find another school but thats not what you want ro hear
I guess if this is the game they are playing, just play it..
I am beginning to think that this website is a secular plot to turn women off frim Judaism

iyar

Thu, May 25 2017, 12:52 pm

Haven't read all of this, but something is very wrong here.
I'm not a school principal, but I have on numerous occasions picked up little girls from by type schools, and little boys from yeshiva. On those occasions there have often been fathers picking up kids. I have never noticed what kind of pants they were wearing.
To put it bluntly, why is the principal looking at your husband's pants? Is she not well?

amother

Wine

Thu, May 25 2017, 12:55 pm

iyar wrote:

Exactly. That's what I want to know.