School doesn't like dh dress

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Coral

Thu, May 25 2017, 2:56 pm

I agree with the poster that said that the school should comment to the dad directly. My DH dresses like this and way worse as well - white pants, yoga pants ... nobody has said anything because we live in a low key neighborhood. One night we went to Boro Park to eat at a restaurant there, and my DH was wearing his fanciest white pants - boy did we get some strange looks there. Even he was embarrassed. So basically the embarrasment/change needs to come at the DH level. (In Manhattan where he works of course he isn't embarrassed - he's perfectly in style).

tiger88

Thu, May 25 2017, 3:10 pm

can he pick up your daughter in sagging pants? Very Happy

amother

Ivory

Thu, May 25 2017, 3:40 pm

I don't believe this story actually happened. Just someone trying to rile everyone up. I mean c'mon...

amother

Saddlebrown

Thu, May 25 2017, 3:47 pm

amother wrote:

I have to say that I think his pants are attached to his leg.

Are you referring to leggings?

amother

Saddlebrown

Thu, May 25 2017, 3:48 pm

The level of policing that is done in the name of tznius is simply astounding. At least to me.

amother

Seagreen

Thu, May 25 2017, 3:50 pm

amother wrote:

Are you referring to leggings?

sounds like it. Someone should call CPS Smile

Miri7

Thu, May 25 2017, 3:58 pm

I would have the hardest time resisting writing an email saying:

dear administrator:

I'm writing to clairify which area of DH's pants are too tight? The tush? The crotch? The thighs? (he has been working out a lot lately and his thighs are so developed) Or the calf?

I took DH shopping and had him try on different pants. I've attached the photos I took of him in different styles. We love the school, DD is so happy there, and we want to be sure to get the right pants, so could you do me a favor and look at these photos? Let me know which styles you approve of and also, circle any problem areas (crotch, tush, etc) to help us get an idea of what is appropriate to wear to school. This guidance will be an enourmous help.

Thank you for setting such high standards of tzniut and for leading by example.

octopus

Thu, May 25 2017, 4:35 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

Except it sounds like its not coming from the school but, rather, that other parents have complained.

Usually, when schools demand that (usually women, as you say) dress in a certain manner, its everywhere, and its purportedly to visually demonstrate that they identify with a certain hashkafa.

Here, though, the school pretty clearly doesn't care how he dresses, except when he's at the school. And they're willing to accept a work around -- stay in the car, we'll bring your kid to you.

I doubt it's coming from other parents. It's coming from the principal who sounds like a control freak. Could be I'm just projecting, but I have seen so many ppl in chinuch who love the power of telling others what to do in order to fit into their distorted views of "how things should be." As a parent, I would be beyond embarrassed to go over to a principal and complain about a father's tight pants.

Learning

Thu, May 25 2017, 4:35 pm

I think since you are an alumni and dh is a little more modern as I understood from your post the principal decided to talk to you. If dh pants are normal """. Why don't you approach the principal and ask her to specify exactly what is wrong with the pants. Is it the legs, croch, butt?? Be specific and don't be embarrassed. Because according to you the pants aren't too skinny so go and ask what is the problem. Before you go to the meeting.
Btw I think a frum school has the right to ask parents to dress appropriately at least when they pick up the kids from school.

amother

Purple

Thu, May 25 2017, 5:06 pm

amother wrote:

sounds like it. Someone should call CPS Smile

Uch oh... Here we go again..

Since we are making jokes.. Can we laugh at people in wheel chairs..

How about jokes about ugly chasidish ladies with shaven heads..'

What about laughing at rape victims....

I mean its only a joke...

mddm

Thu, May 25 2017, 5:21 pm

[quote=]How about jokes about ugly chasidish ladies with shaven heads..'.[/quote]
Are we stereotyping?? Is it "Chassidish" that makes one ugly? Or is it the "shaven heads"?

tichellady

Thu, May 25 2017, 5:35 pm

.
Btw I think a frum school has the right to ask parents to dress appropriately at least when they pick up the kids from school.[/quote]

I can't imagine how any outfit a man working in a professional environment ( in this case, property management) would wear could be considered inappropriate to wear while doing carpool.
I personally think the same thing about professional women's clothing but I know there are different opinions here on that but seriously what could be wrong with a man wearing slacks and a work shirt? Definitely not a modesty issue

Learning

Thu, May 25 2017, 5:39 pm

I guess very tight skinny pants.

amother

Saddlebrown

Thu, May 25 2017, 5:45 pm

amother wrote:

Ok here. Thanks. I don't know if I will tell dh as I don't even know to approach it without making him feel bad or angry. She is going to call me for a meeting she claims....dh is not going to want to go either but I guess he will. It is for sure her meshugas as she is that type. Honestly if her husband...the dean would have spoke to him I would feel differently but I think her speaking to me is just wrong.
I am so disappointed that they did this in such a non menchlich way.

Can you grow a pair of balls so that you can respond assertively when and if she calls you for a meeting?

I wonder if the principal feels she can do this to you because you are so non-aggressive and she knows you won't put up a fight, simply go along like a shaifeleh.

Oh, and imho there is no menchlicheh way for a woman with meshugasim to say this to you. Doesn't it speak to her character, that she mentioned in in front of your dd...Why would you even give this woman the luxury of living in your thoughts!

I'm not underestimating the impact this has had on you. But at this point, I hope you realize she was out of line and doesn't deserve the decency of a sweet response from you. If anything, a response such as this might be in order: ''Please don't ever mention my husband's clothes, as we've discussed it with his rav and his rav said it's 100% kosher''.

Now, if she asks for the rav's name, you can say, ''That's personal''.

PinkFridge

Thu, May 25 2017, 6:32 pm

dancingqueen wrote:

I still find it interesting that all the women here are up in arms about a school complaining about a fathers dress on campus, but everyone seems to find it completely acceptable that a mother's dress even down to minutia such as nail polish and sheitel length could be cause for complaint, and even a reason not to take the child back the next year.

Everyone? Where did I say that?

amother

Seagreen

Thu, May 25 2017, 6:57 pm

amother wrote:

It was a reference to a popular post from a few weeks ago about a baby boy in leggings. I wasn't laughing at anybody - or making fun of anybody.

mommy3b2c

Thu, May 25 2017, 7:02 pm

amother wrote:

It was a reference to a popular post from a few weeks ago about a baby boy in leggings. I wasn't laughing at anybody - or making fun of anybody.

It's okay. She may just need to crawl into her safe space and color with crayons. Then she can calm down.

allthingsblue

Thu, May 25 2017, 7:06 pm

dancingqueen wrote:

Both scenarios get my blood pressure up.
Some mothers really never have the privilege of graduating school, they're stuck with school rules their entire lives.

The worst is when I heard of a school that insists the mom wear a sheitel (vs a snood/tichel) for pickup!!!!!

amother

Denim

Thu, May 25 2017, 7:17 pm

Let me guess, OP, that this took place in LAKEWOOD????

Please tell us the name of the school so I know NOT to send my girls there!

amother

Seagreen

Thu, May 25 2017, 7:20 pm

amother wrote:

Let me guess, OP, that this took place in LAKEWOOD????

Please tell us the name of the school so I know NOT to send my girls there!

that's not very nice. If you are unhappy where you live, move.

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