Is it possible to live on this salary?

SixOfWands

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 2:07 pm

amother wrote:

Quote:

I work FT. Does my husband (who recently lost his job and has a hx of numerous losses) not look for a job, because I have one and that's my histadlus? Are we to believe that because money is bashert, he should just stay home and watch YouTube videos all day?

How are you comparing staying home and watching Youtube to wanting to staying at home to be a mother? Follow your gut op, stay home with your babies. You can figure out a way to make the numbers work or try to work a few hours a day from home.

So, tell me how.

Let's pretend I'm OP. My husband's take home pay is about 4500 a month. Mortgage is 2000. Tuition for the oldest kid is about 900, if paid on a 12-month basis. Food is 1000. Utilities 400. Medical 150. So no money for clothes. Or savings. Or phones. Or shul. Or maaser. Or for the next kid's tuition. Or house repairs.

How am I making it?

Oh, and tuition breaks and welfare aren't "making it."

SixOfWands

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 2:11 pm

amother wrote:

Quote:

Interesting belief.

But I'm curious. How do you have time to be on imamother, given that you are homeschooling your kids and believe that you need to be with them, paying attention to them 24/7? I mean, if you walk away for 10 or 15 minutes to read a thread, don't you feel like you're no longer mothering them? Or do you save your vitriol for those who dare to work outside the home?

How come working mothers get so angry and offended when SAHM's give their opinion? I'll tell you why: because leaving your baby in the care of someone else is not natural and you know it in your heart. If you were happy and certain that you made the right decision, you wouldn't get so angry at SAHMs.

You have now twice told me that I'm a lousy mother. Or, actually, that I'm not a mother at all. And I'm not supposed to get angry?

You're entitled to your ill-informed, benighted opinions. And I'm entitled to tell you that you're dead wrong.

But please, go back to your babies now. Every second you're not paying 100% attention to them is a second that they're not being mommied, and I'm sure that makes them die just a little bit inside.

amother

Plum

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 2:16 pm

I am not in your situation because its not even a question for me since my salary is significantly higher and I work sundays where my husband babysits saving a substantial amount. However even so I always wonder how its worth it for teachers/secretaries to qork after paying babysitting. Where do you live? I live in Brooklyn and have a russian jewish lady coming to my house for $10/hr + car fare. Thats alot less than you. Also any programs u will be wligible for if you quit to compensate? I am not pro milking the government but I work in a low class city hospital and when I see these ppl who take so much from the government and dont want to work for no good reason (not that they have children..) I think to myself that why shouldnt good frum ppl get it? Also as mentioned leaving the workforce and returning can be hard so maybe u should consider lookinn for a part time job. It will be easier on you and you will pay less in babysitting and still bring home a little and not get out of the workforce... good luck! Its not easy!

amother

Magenta

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 2:18 pm

maybe just take off one year..and make sure it's only a year. Seems like you can manage for a year, take care of your babies but force yourself to enter the work place in a year. Guys we only live one life, let her enjoy her kids, be a bit more frugal and make sure you put a time limit to this arrangement.

tigerwife

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 2:19 pm

OP, would you being home all day allow for you to save money in other areas besides for childcare, such as:

Saving on expensive groceries, since you may have more time to prepare for meals?

Small repairs and renovations that you would usually outsource?

Cleaning help?

While I agree that it feels horrible to work that hard and only see less than $10k a year in results, perhaps this job is a stepping stone to a better one? Does your husband's job have potential for growth?

Also, while it appears that a SAHM automatically has more free time to accomplish more, the truth for many is that the lack of schedule and compartmentalism might make you less ambitious than before (note that I did not say for all women).

Good luck with whatever you choose!

ILOVELIFE

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 2:59 pm

BTDT

For 9000 you should be able to find a job from home but you need creativity and discipline.

When my twins were babies, it didn't make sense financially forme to work at my former job where my take home pay would have been 7000.

I used my teaching experience to market myself and run an after school program at one of the schools four days a week from 4-6pm. I got a family member to babysit twice a week and only paid a sitter twice a week for those hours. My take home pay was about 6000- 8000 ...

It was also then that I started writing for "petty cash" eventually turning that into a fabulous career for almost a decade.

It seems to me that there are two separate issues at play:

1) You are burnt out and exhausted

2) You want to be a SAHM

If you work from home you may end up also working hard and be exhausted so that won't cure number 1 but it will take care of number 2.

amother

Taupe

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 3:05 pm

ILOVELIFE wrote:

You nailed it, that's exactly right!

amother

Taupe

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 3:11 pm

tigerwife wrote:

Ive never had cleaning help (except for 1 full day before pesach) but it will free up my evenings since I can get the housework done during the day. Maybe I can get a job for an hour or two in the evening to earn a little money.
I can spend time cooking healthier and more nutritious meals because I'll have more time to cook.

And most importantly I can be a mommy and not have the guilt that hangs over my head that I'm having someone else raise my children.

amother

Indigo

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 3:44 pm

amother wrote:

And most importantly I can be a mommy and not have the guilt that hangs over my head that I'm having someone else raise my children.

just be sure you can deal with the guilt of removing yourself from the workforce and potentially leaving the family with less $$$ later on. (no everyone can piece together self-employment).

amother

Pearl

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 3:47 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

You're actually coming over much more attacking than the poster you're accusing of being so. You both have different opinions. That doesn't make yours more right than hers.
The prevailing attitude on imamother is to guilt those who decide to stay home with their children and I don't understand that.
(I do work, FTR)

amother

Indigo

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 4:22 pm

amother wrote:

Many women who stay home with their children believe that a woman should stay home with her children. That's cool - believe whatever you want. Attempting to prove that this belief is a universal truth is where things get heated.

amother

Navy

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 4:55 pm

amother wrote:

Quote:

Um, no. I would like to stay home with my children. But we need money to live, which means doing my Hishtadlus.
Im all for sahm but the money has to come from somewhere. Ex - when a husbands salary is enough to cover all expenses

I really really want to stay home (at least most of the time) with my children IYH. I pray that It will happen.
Maybe u can get a part time job -its income and less expenses and u will still be in the work force.

Hatzlacha rabba

SixOfWands

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 5:10 pm

amother wrote:

You work outside the home?

That poster told you that what you're doing isn't "natural." That you know that its wrong. And that you're not really a mother, because you're allowing someone else to "mother" your children.

And you think that I'm harsh towards her?

SixOfWands

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 5:14 pm

amother wrote:

Quote:

How come you're so angry and offended at the thought of women working? If you were confident that you were doing the right thing, why would you need to ruthlessly attack those who choose a different path?

amother

Indigo

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 5:51 pm

amother wrote:

Maybe you can all take this argument somewhere else?
I'm looking for answers and advice not for arguments.

Rolling Eyes

I'm sorry for contributing to that argument.

Yes - it is possible to live on your husband's salary. People on imamother seem to get by with less.

You haven't been saving very much when you both were working, and your salary more than covered childcare.

So - your 'comfort level - standard of living', I can deduce, will go down (unless you have been paying down debt ect. and that is where the money was going). But you should be able to keep your head above water.

amother

Cerise

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 5:56 pm

Quote:

I'm neither angry nor offended and for the record I do work and at times I do have to work when my kids are home from school. I was simply answering op's question and my answer is that yes, kids are always better off being raised by a full-time mom. Does it mean I do it? No. Does it mean it's not a fact just because I don't do it? No. But I'm not going to twist facts around just to make myself feel better. The undeniable fact is that babies need their moms ...it's basic animal and human instinct.

Just because I work does not mean that I can't look up to women who choose to stay home with their babies. So yes, I admire op for wanting to do the right thing.