Kissing /hugging in front of kids

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Puce

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 1:15 pm

Do u? Is anything wrong with it?
I am yeshivish little open..

We hug in front of kids though my husband hates it when I give him a huge hug.. And we don't kiss

mommy3b2c

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 1:18 pm

Yes I do. Nothing wrong with it.

amother

Babyblue

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 1:23 pm

I'm sure that kids can grow up healthy and go on to have good marriages even if they don't see their parents showing affection. Still, modeling affection is a great idea. Kids feel secure when they see their parents showing love for each other. No downside.

lfab

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 1:26 pm

We do. A quick peck not an all out make out session. IMO if kids see it from when they're little then it's just no big deal and just a part of life. To them it's no different than me giving them a kiss.

amother

Crimson

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 1:29 pm

Funny - dh and I were just talking about this yesterday. We always do, and my 5 yr old last night asked for a kiss on the lips, and didn't like the idea that it's only for mommy and Totty. So then we started talking about if we should stop, and to what extent we should be doing this. We are yeshivish btw.
We for sure wouldn't stop hugging, or kisses in cheeks etc. the question is how much further we can go. Also, we sleep in the same bed and she of course knows this as well. We aren't sure if that's a problem or not. We were never taught any of this! (Ok let's blame my Kallah teacher now 😂)

33055

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 1:31 pm

We always do except the kids noticed when we didn't. They thought Totty was mad at me.

amother

Seafoam

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 1:42 pm

Squishy wrote:

We always do except the kids noticed when we didn't. They thought Totty was mad at me.

That's exactly why we don't. Also, didn't want our kids repeating things in school, even if it isn't s-xual in nature...it's nobody's business!

ra_mom

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 1:55 pm

We always say Have a good day, I love you! with big smiles sometimes in person, sometimes loudly from the next room as the other leaves, sometimes with kisses sometimes not so it's not like the kids ask why now why not yesterday or anything like that. Same with the kids. Sometimes we catch a kiss on the cheek in addition to the I love you and sometimes we don't have time for them to stop as they're heading out to their busses.

amother

Ivory

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 1:58 pm

we do what what we would do to the kids so I'll give my husband a hug in front of them but not a kiss on the lips. We don't do anything kavuah- like I don't give a hug everyday when he leaves to work so that it won't be an obvious pattern- I'm basically in niddah half the time...
I believe I've posted this response on previous threads on this topic if anyone wants to look through old threads, I believe it's been discussed.

amother

Khaki

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 2:17 pm

We won't (I only have a one and a half year old so it doesn't apply to us yet as he doesn't understand...). It's possible to show a lot of affection without being physical they can see it in your eyes if you love and respect your spouse and by how you treat each other. We want to reserve the kisses and hugs for behind closed doors for tznius reasons and I don't think that my kids won't realize how much we love and respect each other. We are very close and love each other to death and I've had people comment on how good of a marriage we have because they've seen the way we treat each other with utmost respect, love and affection and this is all without touching... so I think my kids will understand the same. If not more cuz they will see everything that goes on at home.
On a side note my parents hugged and kissed in front of us which got me really anxious when they didn't cuz of niddah even though I knew about niddah from a young age cuz I thought during niddah Tottys and Mommys don't love each other so much which was a total misunderstanding obviously...

amother

Natural

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 2:29 pm

I have the same exact question. We sleep in the same bed and kiss and hug now but my dc is a young toddler. Up to what age should we change? Are we going to have to pretend to sleep in different beds now (hard to pretend since child comes in the morning to wake us up)?

I feel like I don't know what's normal. My parents showed no affection and till today I can't really believe they love each other to that extent. I can't even imagine them kissing. In fact, I was not sheltered at all as a child but till I actually took kallah classes I couldn't really believe that Jewish, frum spouses can kiss and hug each other even though I heard from friends. Pity because I used to regret I was frum because I wanted it so badly.

Wish I knew what is normal and balanced.

amother

Khaki

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 2:40 pm

amother wrote:

Like I said you can show affection and love without kissing and hugging I don't think the two contradict each other and about sleeping in the same bed, for now it's okay cuz my little one doesn't understand but as soon as he understands what knocking on a door means he is going to be taught that there is NO way he can ever come into our room without knocking so in that time you can jump out of bed and slip on a robe, pajamas and go into the other.... and tell them to come in. My parents had that policy and we all knew we could never just barge into their room we always knocked no matter what. I never understood how certain parents just let their kids prance into their rooms I mean what if they decide to come in when your having s@x!!!!! I actually had a friend who walked in on her parents doing the deed at 10!!

amother

White

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 2:45 pm

Imvho a couple should kiss and hug in front of their children as frequently as they fight and bicker in front of them.
If you are makpid not to kiss, I can respect that but I sure hope youre makpid not to fight.

allthingsblue

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 2:47 pm

This is constantly rehashed on imamother. You'll have those who say of course we do that, but only pg rated, it's good for the kids to see.
You'll have others who say we don't, but we show our love in other ways and the kids understand we love each other.

Personally I'm from the first camp; I need physical reminders of my husband's love for me throughout the day, not just in our bedroom. But to each their own!

amother

Khaki

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 2:57 pm

amother wrote:

Yes we are makpid not to fight certainly not in front of our kids which imo is the worse thing you can do in front of them way worse than kissing or hugging in front of them which is just a matter of what you hold tzniyus wise. And we're makpid not to fight in general bH, not gonna say it never happens but it is rare.

Iymnok

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 3:02 pm

We don't in front of the kids. They asked me if I hug or kiss tatty and I told them yes we do. In the bedroom since it's not so tzanua.

(Ducking for the tomatoes of unpopular response!)

amother

Pearl

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 3:07 pm

We don't show any physical affection in front of anyone else - including our kids, but we have a very warm, close, and loving relationship that is apparent to anyone who knows us. It is clearly evident in the way we speak with each other, choose to spend (private) time with each other, etc. I don't think anyone would doubt the depth and strength of our love for each other, despite the lack of physical evidence. That is just a part of our relationship which is private.

With regard to the bedroom, we have 2 beds, although we sleep in one (as long as I'm not a niddah), and we keep our door locked to prevent any unwanted intrusions. Again, that is our private space. . .

essie14

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 3:25 pm

allthingsblue wrote:

Yup. I can't even remember how many times it's been discussed.
I firmly believe it's very important for children to see parents being loving and appropriately affectionate. We hug and give pecks all the time. Nothing racy at all.
My kids see us holding hands when we're outside walking, just like most of the other couples in our neighborhood.

mommy3b2c

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 4:29 pm

Iymnok wrote:

We don't in front of the kids. They asked me if I hug or kiss tatty and I told them yes we do. In the bedroom since it's not so tzanua.

(Ducking for the tomatoes of unpopular response!)

I think this is fine. You told them the truth.

clowny

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 5:28 pm

I agree with the fact that you can show love and affection without hugging and kissing in front of kids. Hugging and kissing is not everything. Kids can definitely see if there's shalom basis and true love in several different ways. You can feel it in the air.

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