What's Your Advice to a First Time Mom

essie14

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 11:24 pm

I let the baby sleep in the nursery at the hospital from day one and she got bottles both nights and she took to both breast and bottle beautifully and equally. The ability for me to get out of the house now and not have to shlep her everywhere I go is immeasurable.
My baby is almost 5 months.
The beginning seems never ending. You will never have felt more tired. (I also had no help whatsoever besides my amazing DH)
I have 2-3 friends that I will whatsapp when I have certain questions but don't ask a million people for advice. If you have a good relationship with your mom and/or sisters, that's great!
I have a fabulous pediatrician who I can e mail and whatsapp; he knows my baby and I really just ask him almost everything.

Do what works for you and your family. EBF is not for everyone. Definitely take lots of pics and videos, and make sure they are saved to the cloud! You don't want to lose everything if your phone dies!
B'shaah Tova! This is an amazing time. Live in the moment and enjoy!!!

Last edited by essie14 on Thu, Aug 31 2017, 6:59 am; edited 1 time in total

Iymnok

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 2:33 am

"The Happiest Baby on the Block"
It's a great book, especially for colicky babies.

Try to rest in bed or on the couch for at least a week. Limit your exertion and slow down your pace till about 6 weeks. You may feel great, but your body is still healing.

Some women get to the Mikva as early as 4 weeks. Most go between 6-10 weeks but three months is still considered normal.
If you try for a hefsek and it's not good, wait a couple days. Pp bleeding is inconsistent.
You are extremely sensitive there, so excessive cleaning and checking will more likely give you scratches than a clean bedika.

If you want a baby carrier, get one that gives you and your baby good support. There are many models available today.

Don't compare your baby. Every child reaches their milestones slightly differently.

Take enough pictures for memories, but not so much that you miss the enjoyment with your child.

Let your dh learn to care for the baby too, don't jump in if he's not doing it "right". A backwards diaper never hurt anyone!

nw11

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 3:33 am

Seashells wrote:

My only advice is what some one else said: sleep when the baby sleeps! Even if you can't fall asleep, then just lay down for rest.

Well put. But don't stress about sleeping or you won't be able to relax. A good way to avoid stressing is to simply not look at the time when you go to sleep, or when you wake up. Hashem will give you the sleep you need, and stressing that you "only slept 20 minutes and then the baby woke up" will only make you feel more tired psychologically.

Debbie

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 6:18 am

agreer wrote:

1. If you can afford it: night nurse!
2. Fed is best; don't feel bad if you can't breastfeed.
3. Don't listen to everything everyone tells you!

From personal experience I cannot agree with you more on number 2.
As for number 3, people are very good at dishing out advice but it's up to you what you do with the advice given.
Just enjoy your baby.

Ruchel

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 7:04 am

Sleep when the baby sleep is the woooorst advice. Sorry ladies. It is quite stressing to try to sleep randomly (it takes training, you know? like, soldiers), and you wake up even more sluggish, and... Nope. Do rest up a lot. Kimpeturin used to be in all circles.

pesek zman

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 8:14 am

Ruchel wrote:

I agree. I'm way too type A for that. And there's so much to get done when the baby is asleep I always felt much better after putting away gifts or ordering thank you cards,

But everyone is different

amother

Pewter

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 8:25 am

how about REST when the baby sleeps? I just had my 4th and everyone is yelling at me to sleep whenever baby does and I cannot fall asleep!! I was too nervous/jittery/anxious when the baby would wake or make noises... but I did rest with my feet up on the couch for as much as I could.

ok heres my advice
1)read some sort baby book it helps you look at the bigger picture and establish healthy habits.
2) dont ask a hundred million ppl their advice about sleeping/eating ect - every single parent has their own method, their own opinions, and you need to figure out what works for your family.
3)this is your new normal. there is no going back.
not in a harsh way, but I remember w my first, I was young and I thght to myself ok when she sleeps through the night life will be normal again, or when she does xyz..
this is your new normal
4)babies go through SO many stages in the first year. each time you baby falls into a pattern good or bad, no worries it will change.

best of luck! this post brought me down memory lane of when I had my first, it was such a sweet, simple time.

amother

Ruby

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 8:37 am

amother wrote:

It's those PP hormones. I suffer from insomnia PP. I could be as tired as a loon and the baby sleeping so nicely but I can't sleep. Best advice in this departmment is to rest. make believe you're sleeping and either you'll sleep or you won't but your body and mind will actually rest.

smileyfaces

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 8:45 am

1- do not rock your baby to sleep, put him to sleep when he is sleepy but still awake, baby will learn to fall asleep on his own.
2 - even if you think you are feeling ok, you should take it easy for a few weeks
3 - keep your baby free from people and germs as much as possible especially in the beginning. Newborns are not born with an immune system of a 2 year old and you don't want your baby to pick up germs from your great aunt who came to visit and just happen to have had a cold and held the baby. Keep sanitizer near the front door for all visitors and limit visitors.

simba

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 9:32 am

1. This very challenging time is only the first few weeks. When it is your first you dont know if it will ever end. It will end soon. You will feel human again!

2. Formula is not sin yet breast is definitely best. Do your best and leave the rest to Hashem.

3. Remember that this child (every child) is a miracle. Count his/her toes, trace those beautiful lips and marvel at the wonder of his/her ears.

Raisin

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 9:51 am

Once you get over the first few weeks, breastfeeding can be really enjoyable. I miss breastfeeding a lot. (obviously not everyone has this experience, but plenty do) But definitely get the baby used to a pumped bottle of milk (or formula). Doesn't have to be daily, maybe once or twice a week. That way you can still get out for a few hours. And doesn't have to be from day one, start the bottle once nursing is firmly established. I pumped a tiny amount of milk each day first thing in the am (you don't even need a pump really) and built up a supply in my freezer.

Enjoy each moment! Babies grow up much too quickly!

amother

Rose

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 10:04 am

Just a general really good tip from a midwife that has helped me tons:

Very often a newborn will fall asleep in your arms or in your bed, but the minute you place him into his own bed he wakes up. This is for the simple reason that his bed is too cold for his liking. Newborns have just left "The Bahamas" aka your womb where they enjoyed a balmy 98 degrees climate. During the first few weeks they have to adjust to a much colder reality and crave warmth. Besides dressing him warmly, a great way to avoid the above is to warm up the cot whilst he is out of it. You do this by filling up two plastic bottles with hot (NOT BOILING) water and placing them in the bed with a blanket on top. Just before putting him back into bed remove the bottles and wrap them well into a blanket which you then place at two opposite ends of the bed. With time you can gradually wean your baby off this extra warmth. If you are scared your baby is too hot just check his neck. If he is sweating "turn the heat down."

FranticFrummie

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 10:09 am

My advice is to look into "child led parenting". There are a lot of good books on the subject.

I thought I had done enough research before DD was born, but she had her own ideas and changed all the rules! Be flexible, and see what works. Don't be stubborn and keep trying to do things that don't work.

Your second child will probably be entirely different, and change all the rules again. SO STAY FLEXIBLE!

rgr

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 10:15 am

amother wrote:

This sounds very dangerous.
Never leave anything in the crib with a baby

Orchid

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 10:24 am

My advice:
nursing can be painful, difficult, and plain not work for either you or the baby. This does not mean it's not working and have to give up! Lots of people have difficulties. It means you need a really good lactation consultant (not a pediatrician! do not even ask the pediatrician for breastfeeding advice). If you don't want to nurse, then I'm not here to tell you or guilt you into nursing. It is a highly personal choice. What I am saying is do not let some hurdles get in your way if you are committed to nursing. These problems are often fixed in a visit or 2.

observer

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 10:43 am

Even right here on this thread, you are getting conflicting advice lol!!

1. Trust your motherly instincts.

2. Keep your baby with you in the hospital. You will I'yh have other opportunities to rest, but your baby only has one first day of life, and after going through labor and birth, your baby finds comfort in being with mommy.

3. The more you nurse, the more milk you will have.

4. Lower your household standards on cleaning and cooking. Something has to give. Let it be "things", and not "people".

5. As busy as things get, make sure to constantly nurture your marriage and spend time with your husband. This goes for all the years of child rearing, as things get busier and busier.

Besha'a tova and enjoy being a mommy!

pesek zman

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 12:46 pm

Ruchel wrote:

I'd say on contrary, if there's a nursery, sleep after birth as much as you can!

YES! Sending baby to the nursery is the best! I get her every single night (BH) after (no baby nurse here) so 2 nights on the outset was amazing

singleagain

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 12:50 pm

I do not have children, but some general advice that I think works for any situation:

You will be inundated with advice and tips, solicited and unsolicited. And a lot of it will be contrary. Pick and choose what advice works for you, and do not feel guilty for not taking anyone's advice. Even if they say "how could you ignore my advice?" Even if it comes from someone really close to you. You just smile and say, "thank for the advice, but really this other advice works better in my situation."