Baby named with same name as ex?

amother

Honeydew

Tue, Sep 05 2017, 11:59 am

So I am hoping you can help. My sister just had a baby and named her son the same name as my ex boyfriend. My ex treated me horribly, I have major trusting issues with my husband because of this guy and overall I went through hell from this person, and when I heard the name I felt like I got sucker punched. The thing is, this isn't her first boy and the name also isn't a family name. It's just a name she likes. I feel like when a person names a baby they get Navuah and I sort of have mixed feelings. In a sense I am very hurt that she didn't atleast ask me beforehand how I felt about her naming her son this name. But on the other hand I feel like she should have the right to name her baby whatever she likes. Am I wrong for being hurt and feeling like I was in a sense betrayed by my sister-(who I thought I was close with)?

amother

Bronze

Tue, Sep 05 2017, 12:03 pm

You're not wrong for feeling hurt (all feelings are acceptable) but you're wrong for thinking that she betrayed you. I was abused but I don't have any problems with the name of my abuser. Why would your sister imagine you would have so much pain from the name? I'm sure she didn't purposely hurt you.

amother

Ecru

Tue, Sep 05 2017, 12:05 pm

amother wrote:

I know but I feel like it is so insensitive. Am I just being overly sensitive?

Yes you're sensative and that's understandable.
But your sister was not insensitive by naming her child with the name she feels connected too.
The two aren't mutually exclusive and seeing a therapist can help you.

Ruchel

Tue, Sep 05 2017, 12:05 pm

She doesn't have to ask you what to name the child. It's her child.

In French we say, "there isn't only one donkey called Martin".

amother

Blonde

Tue, Sep 05 2017, 12:12 pm

Yes, you are being oversensitive.

It sounds like you haven't resolved the feelings of hurt/pain from your ex. Have you spoken to a professional about it?

causemommysaid

Tue, Sep 05 2017, 12:50 pm

amother wrote:

I know but I feel like it is so insensitive. Am I just being overly sensitive?

I understand how you feel and you are entitled to feel the way you do.

Your sister in no way betrayed you nor should she have consulted you about what to name her child. She did nothing wrong.

amother

Honeydew

Tue, Sep 05 2017, 12:59 pm

the name is not what bothers me(I mean it does bother me a little) but that is not the main upsetting thing. I think she should have asked me about the name before to soften the blow. This person I was going to marry. ( I never slept with him)
but he ended up sleeping with my best friend which caused major trusting issues for me. Because it was my best friend and my boyfriend. And yes we were all "frum". And yes after I found out I got rid of both of them.

This was no regular boyfriend. It was a traumatic experience that took me a whole year to get over.

She can name her baby whatever she likes but I am her sister and we talk all the time, atleast give me a heads up.

singleagain

Tue, Sep 05 2017, 1:27 pm

has your sister ever talked with you about what names she and her dh are considering?

If not, then you can't expect her to do so.

Also, even though you talk and in your view are close, it's still possible she didn't realize that could be triggering.

I talk to my best friend every day, for the last several years. just yesterday, I was complaining to her about something, and she started to give me advice, and I quickly realized I had to tell her I was just venting. bc her instinct is to try to problem solve. --- if your sister didn't realize that this might upset you, she probably doesn't realize anything was even wrong.

amother

cornflower

Tue, Sep 05 2017, 1:33 pm

amother wrote:

Yes to heads-up. No to asking.

Not everyone is sensitive to how others might feel - or alternatively, very self focused at time when they give birth, that externals are forgotten.

MrsDash

Tue, Sep 05 2017, 1:44 pm

Ruchel wrote:

She doesn't have to ask you what to name the child. It's her child.

In French we say, "there isn't only one donkey called Martin".

I bet it sounds much better in the French tongue Very Happy

causemommysaid

Tue, Sep 05 2017, 1:52 pm

I doubt she even realized anything about the name. Most people don't give such deep thought to other people's past trauma. I don't remember the names of anyone's exs.

amother

Honeydew

Tue, Sep 05 2017, 2:14 pm

my family in general is very sensitive. If any of us want to name a child the same name as a sibling, we call each other. We usually are very caring- that is why I am too beyond shocked

amother

Honeydew

Tue, Sep 05 2017, 2:20 pm

it is a common name. And I know it wasn't malicious but I think it was very non caring of her. It's someone who effected me and my family and it would come to her head as soon as she thought of the name.

amother

Honeydew

Tue, Sep 05 2017, 2:21 pm

amother

Bronze

Tue, Sep 05 2017, 3:19 pm

amother wrote:

Once again, as someone who was abused, I don't think it was insensitive of her at all. I think you are being sensitive and you should see a therapist if you aren't already to work through your feelings.

causemommysaid

Tue, Sep 05 2017, 3:23 pm

amother wrote:

I really doubt anything came to mind with the name. Really really. People just don't analyze other people's lives that much.

amother

Honeydew

Tue, Sep 05 2017, 3:27 pm

being abused, if someone you were close with decided to name their baby the name of your abuser, you don't think they should warn you beforehand- just in case you might feel shocked by the name?

I think it is horrible for someone you are close with not to warn you before hand. I am not saying not to give the baby that name, what I am saying, is to think that maybe someone might be hurt(I'll be it unintentionally, but still hurt) and give that person a little cushion to deal with it?

I don't care how much therapy a person gets, people that love other people, should still try to protect them as much as possible.