How do you make bedtime fun pleasant and relaxing?

thegiver

Sun, Sep 10 2017, 10:53 pm

It is a stressful time in my house with repeated threats of get back to bed or else, bursts of crying, holding the child so she stays in bed, and it takes over an hour. How do I fix things so us parents stop freaking out when the kids resist sleep and how do we train them that sleep is pleasant relaxing and enjoyable? They are 4 and 2

relish

Sun, Sep 10 2017, 10:57 pm

If you really want it broken down for you step by step, then you should probably post your routine, and the exact troubling interactions.

A quick answer is
1) know what your rules are.
2) chose a consequence and stick with it.
3) maintain an inner calm. Your children feel your mood and feed off of it. If you are calm, they will be calm and vice versa.

lucky14

Mon, Sep 11 2017, 1:22 am

I'm just curious- did your kids always resist bedtime or did they start at a certain age? (wondering because I have a young toddler).

emunahmother

Mon, Sep 11 2017, 5:11 am

For me I find that I need to know I have time to stay calm and they need to have time to go at their own pace. I'll explain better. I know I want everyone in bed between 7-7:30 (7 being ideal and 7:30 being the latest). So therefore I start the bedtime routine an hour before. At 6 I begging begin clearing away from dinner and starting to send them into the shower. This allows each to go slow or quick depending on if they want more time to read/finish their quiet play. There are times they are all done and ready for bed and those night are amazing and calm and happy. Then there are nights where I'm rushing everyone along. But overall I find that by allowing and beginning a full hour before bed, it allows for a calmer atmosphere for all.

When I'm calm and patient, they usually follow suit and even if not, I am in the right mind to deal with their shenanigans.

Lizzie4

Mon, Sep 11 2017, 5:50 am

First thing is setting down the rules and routine. Your kids should know what to expect every day. I feed my kids at 4:30-5:00, then baths if applicable and storytime. 6:30 is bedtime (for a 3 and 2 year old) and they listen to tapes in bed for about 1/2 hour - 45 minutes. (I have some on Google play or on jewishkids.org, you can also buy on mostly music/iTunes)
My 3 year old loves story tapes (shmuel kinda is his favorite)
The main thing is to be consistent and firm. If the routine is not consistent that's when it starts getting annoying because they do not readily listen.

Fox

Mon, Sep 11 2017, 12:43 pm

ITA with suggestions to create a routine that involves calming but fun activities, but I'll add another thought based on my experience:

Be ruthlessly honest with yourself about what time your kids should be going to bed. I've seen a lot of mothers turn bedtime into a battle simply because they were trying to free up their evenings rather than make sure their kids were adequately rested.

I know, I know. Toddlers and young children need X hours of sleep based on various charts. I'm not suggesting keeping anyone up until midnight. But sometimes 30 minutes makes a huge difference in a child's cooperation.

simba

Mon, Sep 11 2017, 12:47 pm

[quote="Fox"]ITA with suggestions to create a routine that involves calming but fun activities, but I'll add another thought based on my experience:

Be ruthlessly honest with yourself about what time your kids should be going to bed. I've seen a lot of mothers turn bedtime into a battle simply because they were trying to free up their evenings rather than make sure their kids were adequately rested.

I know, I know. Toddlers and young children need X hours of sleep based on various charts. I'm not suggesting keeping anyone up until midnight. But sometimes 30 minutes makes a huge difference in a child's cooperation.[/quote

Adding that my bedtime was a struggle until my DH mentioned that I maybe doing it to early and they were not tired. I pushed it off by 30 minutes and now it is so much easier.

Boca00

Mon, Sep 11 2017, 2:05 pm

Try to have something they can look forward to in bed. Some nights I'll bring one kid in at a time for 5 min of special time in their room. During this time we talk about whatever they want, do a back rub if they like or tell them a story.

Most nights I tell them a long story when they are in bed (often the same story continues for a few nights), then when they are calm I sing them a few songs and leave, closing the door behind me. They are excited to go to bed and hear the story, and I let them put in requests (like it should have a cat! Or be funny! Or be about school...). Drinks, bathrooms and brushing teeth are all done before.

I have tried YouTube bedtime stories as well as playing music but my 2 year old got scared. But if it works for you then go ahead!

mha3484

Mon, Sep 11 2017, 2:12 pm

I am with Fox. I have an almost three year who just wont go to bed before 8 or 8:30. The one night he fell asleep closer to 7 he was up at 5am. I have tried everything and he just wont go to sleep before then. I am not a yeller by nature but I was getting pretty close to it which bothered me. So now I just let him stay awake. The individual attention when the other two are asleep is actually really good for him and come 8 or 8:30 he goes to bed with no stress.

Ruchel

Mon, Sep 11 2017, 2:18 pm

Sometimes it's time to forget charts (I never do charts, especially from other cultures) and see if your child still does well in school. Not every kid should or even can be in bed at 8. Also room time is nice... and more easily accepted.

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Sep 11 2017, 2:19 pm

If they are tense it can be u rubbing off... I sing songs and relax in their room. They can use bathroom once and 1 drink. If they ask for other shtick I just smile and say sorry! U know only drink and bathroom... And ill sing some more or If u like better read books. I dont leav room for some time. I make myself at home there check my emails but wont talk to them. If they try I just smile and shake my head... These days w change of schedule it can be challenging so I used a bit of melatonin for a few days to train them to settle earlier. If ur calm-theyl be!

Miri7

Mon, Sep 11 2017, 3:19 pm

I have a routine and I stick to it. Bath, brush teeth, PJ's, toddler gets to pick two books, I brush hair while reading the books (once they can turn the pages), shema, lights off and rub back for "5 minutes" then kiss good night.

I tell them I will check on them in "5 minutes"

If toddler jumps out of bed, I gently pick them up and put them back saying "It's time for sleep. Stay in bed." I do this over and over and over. I don't hold them in the bed.

Eventually the figure out that they're going to be in bed no matter how many times they get out.

Then the child may kvetch for a few minutes and will fall asleep.

Each night is not like this - but this is how I handle the nights when the toddler's all over the place. Often after a change in schedule, or something like that. Most nights they fall asleep after I go, or I just have to put them back in once.