Need help keeping child focused dressing

amother

Cobalt

Sun, Sep 17 2017, 4:30 pm

Here's what worked for our daughter with some motor skill problems and trouble staying on task. It took time, but there was continual progress, and she now gets dressed all by herself quickly almost every day.

We have a sticker chart, with a line for each week and a box for each day in the week. We started small. The first week, she had to get 1 star any time during the week and then got a prize at the end of the week.
The next 2 weeks, she had to get 2 stars for each week to get the prize at the end of the week.
The next 3 weeks, she had to get 3 stars by the end of each week to get the prize.
Etc. Up until 7 stars every week. We left all the charts up from all weeks at all times so she could see them and track her progress and also be proud of her progress over time. We hung them up on her closet door right next to her bed as a visual cue.

And if at any point she didn't make it, we didn't make a fuss, just stayed at the same number of stars needed for an extra week. And if she got dressed 4 times on a 2-star week, we didn't suddenly jump to 4, we just kept at 2 if we were supposed to or 3 if that was up next and she'd already done 2 for a few weeks.

After she had gone several weeks getting dressed by herself every day (several weeks of 7 stars every week), we added on a time limit (either with a timer, or with us watching the clock with or without reminders, depending on what freaked her out less) - if she got dressed within the time limit then she got a big sticker, and if she got dressed herself but not within the limit then she got a tiny sticker (so she wouldn't get discouraged). Then you can adjust the size of the prize accordingly if the week has smaller stickers. You can also start again from the beginning and require only one big sticker the first week, 2 big stickers the following weeks, etc.

The most important thing is that we never criticized her for not managing on a particular day or a particular week, we just reminded her about the chart. And then if she still gave up and said it was too hard, we would help get her dressed and no sticker but no fuss from us, just encouragement that tomorrow she could do better. At the end of every week, we'd review how many stickers and remind her that the prize would wait until next week.

We had our daughter pick out the prizes (in her case, it was jewelry, and she got a small jewelry item for each week that she got the desired number of stars). But having them pick out the prize is usually a good motivator.

This took several months of slow and steady work, but worked amazingly. She gets dressed by herself every day now, usually quickly (nobody's perfect Wink

). It was totally worth the whole process. There were a few meltdowns here and there, but mostly we just keep plodding along. The method has no punishments at all, just positive reinforcement, and I always heaped on the praise when she managed, in addition to weekly prizes. She just became more and more motivated with time and was proud of herself. When she succeeded on any day, I always told her that not only am I proud of her, but that she should be proud of herself. And on weeks where she got dressed all by herself a few times, I would even call up the grandparents in her hearing and rave to them about it.

Importantly, we'd set out all her clothes together (shirt, skirt, underpants, socks, shoes etc.). on a chair or bedside table the night before, to at least remove the burden of decision while rushing in the morning (this can be overwhelming for ADHD kids!). If he's not interested in picking out his own clothes, do it for him the night before, it only takes 3 minutes.

Also, we re-vamped her wardrobe before we did this so it would be as easy as possible:
- All underwear, skirts (or pants in your case), and shirts needed to have a clear tag or mark to differentiate the front and back.
- All socks had colored heels so it was clear that they wouldn't be put on upside down.
- No zippers or buttons at all. All skirts (or pants) with elastic waists. If you need pants with a zipper, maybe try to find ones that have velcro at the top rather than a button or a snap, to make it easier for him to do. If shirts must have buttons, try to get ones with the least number of button possible (e.g. polo shirts vs. full button downs if possible, or maybe there are brands with the buttons spaced a bit farther apart so there are less buttons total).

Lastly, have a few dry runs with him before starting to see what areas are difficult for him and help him understand how to troubleshoot. It sounds like he may have a hard time with fine motor tasks (you mention buttons and socks), so you may want to consider whether this appears in other areas of his life (ask his teacher about his writing maybe). you can help strengthen his hands by having him play with putty, or other exercises, or OT if necessary.