#autismisaDIFFability

cuties' mom

Wed, Oct 18 2017, 8:23 pm

As the mother of a child who is considered low functioning- not very verbal and not fully toilet trained despite being almost 9-years-old, I find that the hardest part of having a child with autism is the way other people react to him. I would imagine he finds it difficult too as he reacts very poorly when people talk negatively about him.
Dr. Stephen Shore wrote the book "Autism for Dummies". He has autism and is a college professor. He says that he's working on a book called "Neurotypical People for Dummies", explaining all the weird things about neurotypical people to people with autism.
There are some things that are difficult for my child. People make a big deal over the fact that he's not trained, doesn't talk much, and is aggressive and loud. Most people do not notice that he has an incredible sense of time, an unbelievable memory, and the ability to survive without much sleep. Every person has strengths and challenges. Yes, I complain sometimes. Most parents occasionally complain about their toddlers' behaviors, and I'm no different. The fact that my child has been a toddler for 7 years already is irrelevant. He is just as cute (if not cuter) than other people's toddlers. Yet whenever other people post about a behavior their toddler did, or lack of sleep from their infant, or even the fact that they have a toddler, they don't usually get a million hugs. For some reason, even if I'm just posting a cute thing my child did, as soon as I say that my child has autism, I get a million hugs from people who feel sorry for me for having the cutest child in the universe.

imasinger

Wed, Oct 18 2017, 8:54 pm

I just want to mention that most kids with autism are given incredible musical gifts. Many have perfect pitch. My ASD kids could copy me and sing "mama" on a descending minor third before they could talk.

If you have a child on the spectrum, even one who isn't verbal, please consider giving them music lessons. You can pm me for contact with someone who used to post here, who specializes in Skype lessons with "low functioning" nonverbal kids on the spectrum.

amother

Copper

Thu, Oct 19 2017, 2:55 am

I did not read all the replies on this thread.

I have a 6-year-old with autism. He's very high functioning BH and a very happy child. He's extraordinarily brilliant and doesn't cease to amaze us with his abilities. We often say that it seems like he's the one who's "perfect" and we're all disabled compared to him. I just daven for him to always be so happy.

amother

Aqua

Thu, Oct 19 2017, 3:44 am

amother wrote:

Aqua I an crying for your pain. And for the pain of those that you wish were not alive...

I can relate to what you write. I have no official diagnosis. I have never sought one. But I know what it feels like.

Sending you hugs.

#autismisaDIFFability

I just don't understand. How can you look at this positively?
How high functioning are you?

amother

Orchid

Thu, Oct 19 2017, 4:27 am

Aqua - I don't understand you either!! Totally cool- that means we have lots to learn from each other!!!

You say you were diagnosed autistic and to worked to remove any trace of autistic traits. And you succeeded.

And the worst thing for you was that you were judged as bad because of your "autism". And now, when you see others with autism - you want to get away from them?

I don't understand. Why do you not want to help them so they do not have to suffer the way you did? Is the memory just too hard for you? Too painful for you? Is that it?

I don't know how to answer the q of how high functioning I am. Probably high. But I am speaking for everyone. Especially those who cannot speak.

How can I look at this positively? Because, fundamentally, I guess that the biggest DISabling aspect of autism is the way others view the condition. If you stop thinking of it as bad, then it actually stops being bad. Still painful, yes. But no longer bad.

Think good and it will be good.

amother

Aqua

Thu, Oct 19 2017, 5:30 am

amother wrote:

I worked hard to get rid of it because I hated that part of myself. When I see others, all I see is that part of myself, the part I hated so much, and made me want to die. I can't stand seeing others put through it.

I don't mean to offend, but you can't deny that there are some dissabilites autistic people have, they lack tact, have black and white thinking, etc, they can be annoying, frustrating, embaressing, who would ever want to be like that? The lack of tact can even hurt others, and it's not even your fault! How can you live with that?

amother

Orchid

Thu, Oct 19 2017, 6:18 am

amother wrote:

... you can't deny that there are some dissabilites autistic people have, they lack tact, have black and white thinking, etc, they can be annoying, frustrating, embaressing, who would ever want to be like that? The lack of tact can even hurt others, and it's not even your fault! How can you live with that?

How can I live with that? What choice do I have? Suicide? That's hardly an option!

Even on this thread I have hurt others unintentionally .

Some days I certainly feel like that aqua. Maybe even right now. But it does not help.

#can'tfinishmysignoff

No!!!!!!

Will finish my signoff!

#autismisaDIFFability

amother

Aqua

Thu, Oct 19 2017, 7:18 am

amother wrote:

I still have many traits of an autistic person, but I see them as regular human flaws. I still suffer from lack of tact and black and white thinking. I work on it and see myself with a harsdship in these areas, but seeing myself as that label is too hard for me. I went to a phsyciatrist and to a few therapists in the past few years, all who have said perhaps I need some skills in these area, and social things come hard to me but I am not autistic, they do not qualify me to have a diagnosis baruch hashem.

You seem to think like me. No suicide isn't an option. I don't know what is.
I would love to get a chance to talk to you.

How do you know you qualify for a diagnosis??

chavs

Thu, Oct 19 2017, 8:34 am

amother wrote:

Ppl with asd can learn tact just like anyone else.
This is what ds 12 and me after he'd seen a friend who'd just changed his hairstyle.
" I didn't like J's new hair cut but lied to him because I didn't want him to be sad."
We've talked lots about how we value honesty but that there are times that it isn't appropriate and when. Just like they've learned to wash their hands after using the loo, they've learned manners. Not having manners is also down to parenting. My kids are brutally honest with me and a few other ppl they know value that as I don't want white lies and I actually value 100% honesty but they also know that it's not socially acceptable to everyone.
In terms. Oh black and white thinking again, this is something tat can cause them struggles but also provide them with very clear right and wrong which protects them and they use to help others.
My son has helped others who were bullied because bullying is wrong and he knows that. He's a vegetarian because he feels eating meat is wrong and sees it very clearly.
When it causes them anxiety or issues I can help them have more colours in their thinking too but there's value to how they think.

I think it's a real shame that you aren't able to are the beauty in autism because there's lots!
Everything in life has pros and cons and it's important to try to see and appreciate both.

amother

Aqua

Thu, Oct 19 2017, 9:41 am

chavs wrote:

It's hard when you've been through so much pain because of something. I so badly want to believe it's not a part of me. I have to wonder if I wasn't emotionally neglected as a kid if I'd still even have the diagnosis. I was largely misunderstood and untrustfulness of anyone in my life for many years...

Whether I am ASD, PDD or who knows what is not the issue here. I look at these things I overcame and am still working on just as I'd look at a middah I need to work on like anger. I cannot connect them to autism. I just cannot. I want to be like everyone else, and for me to have self worth I must be like everyone else.

chavs

Thu, Oct 19 2017, 9:46 am

amother wrote:

I'm rally sorry for your pain and have to make this short but quickly wanted you say that self worth doesn't come from being like everyone else, that's not self worth, real self worth comes from accepting and loving yourself as you are. I really suggest therapy or some other way too help you gain real self worth.

amother

Aqua

Thu, Oct 19 2017, 9:56 am

chavs wrote:

And I do love all my flaws, but the label is too much. I just associate it with so many bad memories.