Is my baby really hard

amother

Khaki

Sat, Nov 25 2017, 8:30 pm

She is a year and a half. She doesn't let me dress her or undress her or change her diaper. She cries etc. . Everything she sees she needs to touch and mess with. She cries about once every five minutes bec she wants something she can't have. She asks for cookies about four times a day (whenever she is near the closet). She keeps going to the fridge to get food and than touches everything and wants everything. She wants to be held a lot. I have depression and I am sure this is playing into it bec I am not good at distracting her and calming her down but was wondering from others how much crying is normal and how demanding other babies are. She appears to have a mind of her own and is very independent and wants things her way all the time.

thunderstorm

Sat, Nov 25 2017, 8:40 pm

If she is a year and a half she could be hitting the terrible twos early. Some of my kids tantrumed at that age already. However their all around behavior was very pleasant at that stage. I would think you need to discuss it with his/her pediatrician. It's possible she "feels" your depression and is acting out accordingly but I'm not a maven. Also, there may be a sensory issue involved as well. Please speak to the pediatrician at your next visit to know what considered ok for this age.

chicco

Sat, Nov 25 2017, 8:46 pm

Hi Op, your toddler does sound difficult. But she also sounds pretty typical. This is the age when they are discovering their independence, and yes, they want stuff and their way all of the time. Kind of like we do. The difference is that hopefully we have had many years learning to control ourselves and the reality that we can't always have what we want.

It is our job as parents first and foremost to give our kids what they need, and also teach them that they cannot have what they want all of the time, and lastly how to deal with that disappointing reality.

I know it is tough, and you also mention depression which I am sure adds a lot to the cycle here, but I would urge you to step up and take charge. Give your daughter realistic expectations of what she can and can't have. Discipline her consistently with clear consequences when she does something unacceptable, and most of all, try to anticipate her needs before she does, so she is not dealing with a deficiency in something and then acting out to get it. It seems like she could use some extra physical love from you as well.

No one likes disappointment, but when you deal with the reality that you cannot change it, ultimately you stop fighting quite so hard. Keep strong and don't give in to her just because she throws a fit. Just stand by what you have said and try to distract her. Within a week she should get the idea.

Good luck!

Jewel22

Sat, Nov 25 2017, 8:57 pm

I have a boy same age and he does exactly everything you described as well. He's yelling most of the time because I don't let him do certain things...but also I let him explore I don't say no all the time. Once things get out of hand is when I make him stop. Like in the fridge I have jars on one side that he can reach so I let him take it out and put it back daily. He opens all the bottom closets and takes out the pots so I let him. Then we have to clean it up together. It's very very tough I agree and I find myself losing it sometimes and yelling at him. But in trying to control that cuz after all he's just a baby.

amother

Pewter

Sat, Nov 25 2017, 9:09 pm

It sounds like she can use some help from early intervention. It takes a lot of advocating and knowing what to ask for to get help from them. Can you hire an advocate to help you with a case to try to get her services for OT and the like?

amother

Pewter

Sat, Nov 25 2017, 9:16 pm

amother wrote:

Why do you think she had sensory issues? Wanting to touch everything she sees is sensory?

Sensory not wanting to be dressed or diaper changed. Seeking out stimuli with touch.
She's unhappy, crying every 5 minutes.
Does she startle from noise? How is her eating? How is her grip, strength?

rachel6543

Sat, Nov 25 2017, 9:34 pm

You toddler sounds normal to me. But like another person suggested, its always best to discuss any concerns with your pediatrician.

Also, are you getting help and treatment for your depression? After reading your post, I'm honestly more concerned about your own health. If you aren't getting help, please do, because you'll be a better and happier mother.

amother

Bronze

Sat, Nov 25 2017, 10:33 pm

Doesn't sound abnormal at all. My baby is the same age and the same way. He is my third and actually my easiest baby so far.
My oldest, however was very not normal. He was a monster. The way he was different was--biting and hitting everyone all the time, screaming on the top of his lungs around the clock, pouring out/destroying things to an extreme level that he got kicked out of his babysitting group because of it, constantly trying to run away from home, never sleeping more than 1 hour straight until he was three years old, never eating any solids until age three. Well, it turned out he had been abused by one of his caretakers. He went to therapy and was fine.

It sounds to me your baby is normally developing, curious about the world, and learning autonomy. These are all healthy and beneficial skills. You need to get help for your depression, because depression makes everything impossible. btdt

myname1

Sun, Nov 26 2017, 3:56 am

Can it be she is hungry? My kids cry for cookies and make trouble in the fridge if I don't give them normal food at normal times and make sure they actually eat something. It's like they can't figure out what the feeling is (hunger), but just know they want to cry for cookies/candy. Does she eat well in general?

Teomima

Sun, Nov 26 2017, 5:21 am

I think you've gotten some great feedback and advice. I particularly like what chicco had to say. The only thing I want to add is my suggestion for you to make sure what you describe is what's actually going on, vs. how you may be perceiving things as filtered through depression. E.g.: my husband (who struggles with mental illness, including depression), will often accuse the kids of whining constantly or frequently crying. It's not his fault, it's genuinely how he perceives the situation to be, whereas the reality is they're normal kids, if anything unusually well behaved. I just share this for you to consider if you need outside perspective as to your daughter's behavior. If this is totally off-base, I apologize.

amother

Pewter

Sun, Nov 26 2017, 7:10 am

Teomima wrote:

I think you've gotten some great feedback and advice. I particularly like what chicco had to say. The only thing I want to add is my suggestion for you to make sure what you describe is what's actually going on, vs. how you may be perceiving things as filtered through depression. E.g.: my husband (who struggles with mental illness, including depression), will often accuse the kids of whining constantly or frequently crying. It's

not his fault, it's genuinely how he perceives the situation to be, whereas the reality is they're normal kids, if anything unusually well behaved. I just share this for you to consider if you need outside perspective as to your daughter's behavior. If this is totally off-base, I apologize.

Be careful with what you suggest. I had PPD and because of that I wrote off all of ds's issues as my fault thinking it was all me. When in fact he would have been better off getting help earlier. Early Intervention was a lifesaver.

Teomima

Sun, Nov 26 2017, 7:14 am

amother wrote:

Oh I'm not suggesting ignoring/writing off issues/anything of the sort! I'm just thinking maybe OP can consult with her husband/parents/whatever family member or friend may be around frequently who can give her some unbiased feedback. Perhaps she's absolutely accurate in what she tells us, she should certainly not ignore that! I'm just suggesting she verify the state of the situation with a third party.

amother

Khaki

Sun, Nov 26 2017, 10:24 am

myname1 wrote:

She is a blog snacker. Does not eat big meals. I try to at least give her healthy foods. I don't know how to get her to eat big meals. She wakes up in the mor and wants a banana. Than a little later a piece of cheese. When we all sit down to eat she will eat some eggs etc. . She is in a playgroup and eats a few snacks and lunch. Than at 5:00 she wants a few bites than at 6:00 etc. .but never eats a big supper. Maybe this is just her. .?