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So proud of my son! What should the reward be?
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Bizzydizzymommy









  


Post  Tue, Dec 05 2017, 6:00 pm
I'm so happy. My son's principal just called that my DS 11 won the school spelling bee. What would a nice reward be for a kid that age?
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amother




Sapphire


Post  Tue, Dec 05 2017, 6:05 pm
Did he study hard or naturally win?

As a kid I always naturally won without trying because I had a photographic memory for spelling. If that's the case, then I'm not at all saying you shouldn't express your pride, but I don't know that a reward is in order any more than you would reward one kid over the other for winning a singing contest.

If he did study hard and earn it, then maybe take him out for a dinner at his favorite type of food place?
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Bizzydizzymommy









  


Post  Tue, Dec 05 2017, 6:17 pm
amother wrote:
Did he study hard or naturally win?

As a kid I always naturally won without trying because I had a photographic memory for spelling. If that's the case, then I'm not at all saying you shouldn't express your pride, but I don't know that a reward is in order any more than you would reward one kid over the other for winning a singing contest.

If he did study hard and earn it, then maybe take him out for a dinner at his favorite type of food place?

He is a book worm so he had an advantage. However he did come to me with lists of words yesterday not knowingness how they were pronounced or what they meant and he reviewed and studied. This didn't happen without studying . He worked on it. And I want to show hard work pays off.
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MitzadSheini









  


Post  Tue, Dec 05 2017, 6:17 pm
What sapphire said.

But like this-

If he worked- celebrate his effort. You should have done this whether or not he won.

If it is a G-s given talent, then give hakaras hatov to the One who gave him the memory
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PAMOM









  


Post  Tue, Dec 05 2017, 6:22 pm
I like the special dinner or dessert.
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cm









  


Post  Tue, Dec 05 2017, 6:32 pm
From the mother of a spelling champ: Did he not receive a certificate or prize of some kind at school? And the principal called his family at home - that doesn't happen every day. "I'm proud of you. Your hard work really paid off!" is enough, I think. If your family talks about "great stuff from the week" at Shabbat dinner, this could be added to the list. And maybe alphabet soup added to the menu.

If this bee feeds into a regional event, prepare for (possible) disappointment. There will be only one winner, and the contestants are all great spellers who work hard.
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Bizzydizzymommy









  


Post  Tue, Dec 05 2017, 6:39 pm
He just came home on a high. I'm happy the school rewarded the entire class because he won and they are being honored with a trip to the Town Hall tomorrow ( not sure what they plan on doing there). He is also going to be interviewed for the school newsletter. I think that's enough of a positive reaction. I told him that studying does pay off and I'm very proud of him.
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flowerpower









  


Post  Tue, Dec 05 2017, 7:05 pm
That's really nice! You can get him sushi if he likes or just tell others how proud you are from your son when he is around to hear. That makes kids feel really good.
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amother




Royalblue


Post  Tue, Dec 05 2017, 10:23 pm
I would steer clear from rewarding with or celebrating with food.
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Surrendered









  


Post  Tue, Dec 05 2017, 10:34 pm
I would just spend quality time, speaking about his feelings about studying and winning the contest (with a kiss, expressing my admiration 'for the efforts he put in'). May you see much Yiddish Nachas from him.
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Bruria









  


Post  Tue, Dec 05 2017, 10:39 pm
You can take him bowling and for pizza, maybe an amusement park?
Congrats, you must be really proud! Show him how much!
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naomi2









  


Post  Wed, Dec 06 2017, 7:40 am
His reward is winning! And a trip at school. You can just congratulate him I think that would be enough. Hang his award on the fridge.
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amother




Saddlebrown


Post  Wed, Dec 06 2017, 8:05 am
Maybe it's because I come from a different generation.
Why are so many against rewarding him?
It's not like he just got a participation certificate, he won.
There's no way to win without a little effort.
Maybe he put in less effort than the kid that was taken out after the 5th round, but he studied as much as he needed.
Is a parent allowed to be proud, and show his son that he's proud?
If he were a Gemara cup and won a Gemara contest then they could be proud?

IMHO- get a mini cake that says congratulations, or if you take the family out to dinner regularly, do it in his honor.

If he knows how proud you are, he'll do more and more things you'll be proud of.
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saw50st8









  


Post  Wed, Dec 06 2017, 8:22 am
I would get him a really nice dictionary. Both as a memento for his hard work, and a way to learn even more!

Is he moving on to the next level?
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amother




Bronze


Post  Wed, Dec 06 2017, 9:56 am
amother wrote:
Maybe it's because I come from a different generation.
Why are so many against rewarding him?
It's not like he just got a participation certificate, he won.
There's no way to win without a little effort.
Maybe he put in less effort than the kid that was taken out after the 5th round, but he studied as much as he needed.
Is a parent allowed to be proud, and show his son that he's proud?
If he were a Gemara cup and won a Gemara contest then they could be proud?

IMHO- get a mini cake that says congratulations, or if you take the family out to dinner regularly, do it in his honor.

If he knows how proud you are, he'll do more and more things you'll be proud of.


I think there is a difference between a 'reward' and letting your child know that you are proud of them (for a very specific achievement).

the reward here was that he won! that's a reward in itself... you work hard, and you win the contest.

But definitely - a nice way of communicating - 'we are proud of you' - like a cake.. makes sense.
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amother




Honeydew


Post  Wed, Dec 06 2017, 9:58 am
amother wrote:
Maybe it's because I come from a different generation.
Why are so many against rewarding him?
It's not like he just got a participation certificate, he won.
There's no way to win without a little effort.
Maybe he put in less effort than the kid that was taken out after the 5th round, but he studied as much as he needed.
Is a parent allowed to be proud, and show his son that he's proud?
If he were a Gemara cup and won a Gemara contest then they could be proud?

IMHO- get a mini cake that says congratulations, or if you take the family out to dinner regularly, do it in his honor.

If he knows how proud you are, he'll do more and more things you'll be proud of.


The answer for me would be that academic accomplishments are something that I would make a fuss off and show that I'm proud, but it's completely different to accomplishments in middos which deserve more of a reward.
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Squishy









  


Post  Wed, Dec 06 2017, 10:01 am
amother wrote:
I would steer clear from rewarding with or celebrating with food.


I agree for 2 reasons.

The first is that rewarding with food sets up conditioning with food.

The second is that when you give a lasting prize, the child gets to keep it and the impact stays.
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amother




Rose


Post  Wed, Dec 06 2017, 11:22 am
I won school and district spelling bees as a child. I did not need a reward. The reward is the satisfaction of having won.
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MyUsername









  


Post  Wed, Dec 06 2017, 4:23 pm
If he's 11, ask him what he'd like to do to celebrate. He's old enough to have ideas of what's meaningful for him.

If he asks for suggestions, provide a few: a trip to a bookstore where he can pick out 1-3 books to buy, going out for ice cream alone with parents for quality time or having another shortish (under 1 hour) outing just with parents (one or both) to someplace fun or interesting, extra time playing on a computer or watching a show (if you do that), a new music cd, etc.
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amother




Sapphire


Post  Wed, Dec 06 2017, 6:18 pm
amother wrote:
Maybe it's because I come from a different generation.
Why are so many against rewarding him?
It's not like he just got a participation certificate, he won.
There's no way to win without a little effort.
Maybe he put in less effort than the kid that was taken out after the 5th round, but he studied as much as he needed.
Is a parent allowed to be proud, and show his son that he's proud?
If he were a Gemara cup and won a Gemara contest then they could be proud?

IMHO- get a mini cake that says congratulations, or if you take the family out to dinner regularly, do it in his honor.

If he knows how proud you are, he'll do more and more things you'll be proud of.


I'm the first amother who responded so I'll explain.

I'm not against rewarding this. I'm just speaking from my own experience which is that some ppl win from a G-d-given talent and very little effort. I may have sometimes "studied" but that literally required me reading the words once or maybe twice. My family once moved and I switched into a new school mid year. I showed up the day of the spelling bee (the girls had been studying for weeks) and won. I should not have been rewarded for that on top of winning the class prize. (PS- if you want a recipe for becoming unpopular in a new school real quick, that's one way to do it.)

It all boils down to: how hard did the kid work for it? And if it was very hard, why wouldn't you reward them either way? My parents didn't reward me but they would heap on the praise (sometimes asking me to spell a word in front of older siblings who got it wrong), and in hindsight, it was really unfair to my siblings.

I did nothing to deserve that. My siblings probably studied harder for their spelling tests than I did. Granted I loved reading, but I didn't create that desire for reading within myself. I was just lucky.

Like if you had a kid who was naturally way more flexible than their sibling due to their bone structure, and they both work equally hard at gymnastics, do you give an extra prize to the one who earned a school medal? Tough call. But I think you need to consider how hard the kid worked for the achievement, what message you're sending about values, and how it's going to impact the other kids in the family.
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