S/o functional home - getting up after the kids?

amother

Ruby

Mon, Dec 25 2017, 12:38 pm

Reading the functional home thread made me wonder if I'm dysfunctional as my kids (tweens and teens) wake up before me. The oldest leaves the house before I'm out of bed. They make their own breakfasts - I do make sure to come downstairs by 7:50am in time to hug them goodbye at the door (not the oldest, his bus is 7am). dh drives them to school. Functional or dysfunctional?

flowerpower

Mon, Dec 25 2017, 12:57 pm

Sounds fine to me!! My big boys leave early. They don't wake me before leaving unless they have a question or request. I am very proud of them. It means they are capable enough of caring for themselves in the am without relying on me.

Kids under a certain age should have a parent there though. I see my little 5-6 year old neighbors wait alone by the corner and I feel bad for them.

Last edited by flowerpower on Mon, Dec 25 2017, 1:01 pm; edited 1 time in total

thunderstorm

Mon, Dec 25 2017, 1:01 pm

My boys age 11 and up leave the house at 6:30 am before I'm out of bed. But little kids need supervision . My son at age two climbed up to a cabinet and drank a bottle of Motrin while I was in bed nursing my baby and sleeping . I learned my lesson real fast !!!

Tzutzie

Mon, Dec 25 2017, 1:20 pm

Sounds perfectly fine to me.
Older kids should be able to fend for themselves in the AM.

Little kids need their mommy to be there and help them along the morning routine.

Mon, Dec 25 2017, 1:34 pm

What if there are a mix of 'bigger' and little kids with the bigger 'helping' the little ones as needed with pouring the cereal and such? I do dress the younger crew, but this is after they already ate with some help from the 'older' ones.
I prepare my 'middle' aged kids clothing the night before (6 - 10 year olds) the children typically do get up before me. Actually, usually I am 'up', but not all the way dressed or feeding baby in my room etc. I don't usually make an 'appearance' until these middle aged kids are all ready to leave, having eaten (helping themselves to cereal and yogurts), gotten dressed and taken snack themselves (from the 'snack box'). I then get to say goodbye to the middle ones leaving and get the younger brood dressed etc.

So, would you call this 'dysfunctional'?

Kumphort

Mon, Dec 25 2017, 3:42 pm

If it’s working. It’s functional.
If the kids are not managing to get dressed in time or not packing food for lunch than it’s not functional. If there is screaming and yelling it’s not functional. As long as the children have a routine and feel secure I don’t think you need to change things

Zehava

Mon, Dec 25 2017, 3:46 pm

My kids (preschool age) are perfectly fine waking without me. They eat those yogurts that don’t require a spoon and get breakfast in school. Ofcourse I get them ready when I wake up but they are usually up for a while by then.

amother

Brown

Mon, Dec 25 2017, 4:14 pm

If I woke up when my kids do, then I'd definitely be dysfunctional LOL

Of course, age is a factor, if they're not old enough to be unsupervised, someone has to get up with them.

amother

Green

Mon, Dec 25 2017, 4:24 pm

Definition of functional is it FUNCTIONS. Honey, if they get to school on time in clothes, with a lunch, you have a functional situation, who cares if you're up with them? Stop worrying, NO PERFECTIONISM PLEASE.

doodlesmom

Mon, Dec 25 2017, 4:26 pm

If you rely fully on older kids to take care of the younger ones in the morning while you stay in bed on a DAILY basis then the kid might end up saying he/she grew up in dysfunction.

amother

Aqua

Mon, Dec 25 2017, 4:40 pm

amother wrote:

Yes it may be functional for you. But. I think it is very important for a mother to be up with her children in the morning, especially the ones who wake up before sunrise!
IMHO children sense what is important to you based on your actions, sleeping late every morning gives off a message that you rather sleep than be with them in the morning.
In my house I sometimes put on music and make a hot breakfast for my children, as they stumble in all bleary eyed I see the appreciation in their eyes.
If your children are all big enough to get themselves up and out then its another story

amother

Green

Mon, Dec 25 2017, 4:43 pm

amother wrote:

Sorry but this comes across as very arrogant and patronizing. NO PERFECTIONISM PLEASE.

amother

Brown

Mon, Dec 25 2017, 4:51 pm

amother wrote:

Yup, I WOULD rather sleep than be with my children at 6 am. If it bothers them, they're welcome to sleep later too. Better a mother who sleeps in a bit than one who wakes up a cranky monster. What difference does it make if I'm with them in the morning or with them in the afternoon? Same quality time, and I'm much more present later in the day than I would be if I got up earlier. And even so, it's not like I'm sleeping till 9. I'm up to see them off to school and all.

imasoftov

Tue, Dec 26 2017, 6:39 am

I started getting myself ready for school at age eleven or so. Depending on time of year it could have been totally dark outside when I left the house. At various times my commute consisted of a ride with neighbors to public transportation, a van that picked me up (first, I have the same issue with Nesher Taxi).

Whether this would work for another child or not would depend on the child.

Bnei Berak 10

Tue, Dec 26 2017, 8:03 am

amother wrote:

Sorry OP but I tend to disagree on this point. It does make a difference. I hope that you are aware of that you statue an example for your children in everything you do.
Ever thought of changing your habits going to bed earlier and getting up earlier? Or?

southernbubby

Tue, Dec 26 2017, 9:11 am

I didn't let them leave by themselves, no matter the age. The morning rush required help, every morning. If a kid is not up to getting his own snacks, breakfast, etc, he may bully other kids for their food and that mom won't be very popular. The mom who thinks that their kids are self-sufficient may be deluding themselves.