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Forum
-> Household Management
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amother
Blue
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 Mon, Jan 08 2018, 9:52 pm
I have 4 adult children, 3 children in laws, 5 grand-children- That makes 14 candles. Soon it will be 16, since 2 are expecting.
This is too much already.
Does anyone here light for their children in law and grandchildren, or am I the only crazy one.
Please let me know what you do
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simba
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Mon, Jan 08 2018, 10:01 pm
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Don't have grandchildren yet but neither my mother nor mil light for children in law or grandchildren.
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Blessing1
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Mon, Jan 08 2018, 10:02 pm
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I've never heard of anyone lighting for their children in law & grandchildren. We light 2 plus one for every child.
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abaker
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Mon, Jan 08 2018, 10:11 pm
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I know someone who does light for all the grandchildren and children. She's for sure up to like 20 k"ah. But this is something she took on for herself. In my family we just light the 2 plus 1 for each child.
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pause
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Mon, Jan 08 2018, 10:18 pm
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2 plus one for each child. I can't imagine my grandmother lighting for every grandchild; she'd have to light more than 100 candles each shabbas k"eh!
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amother
Blue
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Mon, Jan 08 2018, 10:20 pm
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So how do I go back to just my biological children
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Mon, Jan 08 2018, 10:24 pm
| amother wrote: | | So how do I go back to just my biological children |
It might be a shaila for a Rav. Because ner Hashem nishmas adam, the candle symbolizes a soul, I heard (learned, maybe?) that we don't decrease the amount of candles. I would ask.
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Rubber Ducky
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Mon, Jan 08 2018, 10:27 pm
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I light 2 candles only, which is what my grandmother did. But I think you have a shai'la.
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SuperWify
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Mon, Jan 08 2018, 11:00 pm
I light 2.
One for shamar.
One for Zachor.
Period. Full stop.
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agreer
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Mon, Jan 08 2018, 11:47 pm
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Never heard of lighting for ILs/grandchildren.
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amother
Mistyrose
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Tue, Jan 09 2018, 5:52 am
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Two. One for shamor and one for zachor. That's what my mother does and my granmothers did. (I'm guessing that my great-grandmothers did the same.)
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amother
Blonde
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Tue, Jan 09 2018, 7:16 am
I light 2 for Shabbos and one for each child.
On erev Yom Kippur, after the table is cleared from the seuda I light 2 + one for each child + in law children + grandchildren. I daven at home so the candles are watched. It gives me an extra focus for davening as well as focus for gratitude.
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simcha2
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Tue, Jan 09 2018, 7:39 am
I light 2. My understanding is that the custom of lighting for each child came because if you miss a week you take upon yourself to light an extra candle and women frequently missed a week after giving birth. I didn't miss after giving birth so I don't light extra candles. The idea of lighting "for someone" is too close to yahrzeit candle and Catholicism for me.
This is just my feelings- not disparaging what anyone else does.
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amother
Blue
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Tue, Jan 09 2018, 7:41 am
Emotionally , not halachic ally, if you were in my shoes.
Can I just keep it at 14 and not add for fututure ILs and GCs
Or
Emotionally makes a difference from one to the other as if I light for one child and not the other.
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simcha2
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Tue, Jan 09 2018, 7:55 am
| amother wrote: | Emotionally , not halachic ally, if you were in my shoes.
Can I just keep it at 14 and not add for fututure ILs and GCs
Or
Emotionally makes a difference from one to the other as if I light for one child and not the other. |
I could see how it could be hurtful to future il and gc of you don't light for them, but as you don't want to be lighting hundreds of cabana each week, I would stop at 18 and then announce, I've reached חי so everyone is included in the 18, not this candle is for this one, and this candle is for this one.
That our go back to 2!
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salt
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Tue, Jan 09 2018, 8:00 am
| simcha2 wrote: | I light 2. My understanding is that the custom of lighting for each child came because if you miss a week you take upon yourself to light an extra candle and women frequently missed a week after giving birth. I didn't miss after giving birth so I don't light extra candles. The idea of lighting "for someone" is too close to yahrzeit candle and Catholicism for me.
This is just my feelings- not disparaging what anyone else does. |
Yes I also learnt that this is how lighting a candle for each child started up.
I light 2, as my mother did - shamor vezachor.
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Ruchel
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Tue, Jan 09 2018, 8:12 am
I have 4 children that makes 2 candles.
My mom, mil, grandma, light 2.
It must be inconvenient when out, and downright horrible when IF.
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Kumphort
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Tue, Jan 09 2018, 8:18 am
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This definitely isn’t common minhag. I vaguely remember seeing someone lighting similarly in Israel. I think they lit with oil in big bowls and added floating wicks per grandkid etc
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amother
Papaya
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Tue, Jan 09 2018, 8:57 am
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ilitght 2 plus one for each child plus my single girls light a candle.each.
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