PSA- The sweet table is not for you to take home

alis_al_kulana

Thu, Feb 01 2018, 11:47 pm

A lot of these stories j just require honest communication.

You see people taking out 9x13?tell them sorry that's for the family give it back

You see someone walking off with a platter? A fellow guest should walk over to them and tell them that's not appropriate those cookies are for everyone.

Most times people are thoughtless and selfish. A little verbal direction goes a long way.

I may be more willing to be confrontational than most people, but I've never held resentment against anyone. I tell people if I can and if I can't I forgive it. Instead of telling stories on imamother.

@squishy don't be a coward. Tell people what you think.

rosenbal

Fri, Feb 02 2018, 12:58 am

I often help people set up for kiddushes and always tell them not to put out all the candy they bought...whatever they put out will end up in kids pockets (LITERALLY!) Put out 3/4 of it or so and save the rest for treats for your own kids.

I also can't stand when kids (and adults) start piling up their plates at a Kiddush BEFORE the ba'alei simcha even come into the Kiddush room. Can't they take a minute or two to enjoy how pretty everything (that they paid for and planned for and sometimes even made themselves or was made for them by caring friends) looks?!

It's really ridiculous! And I live OOT, so it's a problem everywhere. And most kids are generally polite I think, but when you have enough kids who will grab like animals, even the well behaved kids start freaking out that there will be nothing left for them if they don't grab (and they're right...there will NOT be anything left for the politely waiting kids....all the "good", coveted treats and candy will disappear☹️) So the few truly mannerless kids make all the other kids start grabbing....because, well they're kids and they also want the candy.

alis_al_kulana

Fri, Feb 02 2018, 1:43 am

Re biker cholim rooms.
I never saw it abused by I did notice that the good food tended to disappear.

Like the other parents I eventually got to know the schedule and made sure to be there shortly after drop off to pick up what I'd want for dinner.

We sent satmar 500 and skver 500 after our child was discharged.

We liked the people who delivered food to the room the best. Made our lives much easier. I forgot which group did it. Sent warm meals once a day enough for 2 people.

Even though my baby was exclusive nursing the hospital didn't let us order food from the menu. I would have literally starved if not for biker cholim.

Off topic sorry... brought back a flood of memories

33055

Fri, Feb 02 2018, 8:46 am

alis_al_kulana wrote:

I could spend a lot of time just walking around telling frum people what to do. But who says they will listen?

The truth is that it is easier not to see things than confront.

The first thing I would do is have people watch their little kids in the street and not go to simchas and leave little kids home alone. (This one I have said.) I would have people take care of their yards and get rid of junk and abandoned cars, etc. That's just being good neighbors. Who is going to listen. The caring for neighbors should exist by the time you are a homeowner.

I would bang on the window of every guy going to mincha careening down a residential street. I did mention unsupervised little kids. Mincha is the same time daily. No need to drive like fools.

I don't think me confronting teenage girls either anonymously or to their faces would change anything. It would just hurt them, and it is not my place. The girls have parents. This is how they choose to raise them.

Who is going to listen to me at kiddishes telling them they should watch their little darlings because they keep touching food or going back with their same folk. They eat their kugel and then take the next piece with the fork that was in their mouth. Disgusting.

I go to kiddishes and generally don't find them sanitary. Others are eating. Let them enjoy. I enjoy the company.

I think if people learn things on on another, it make give them pause. Recently, one mother mentioned she is only going to give rides when the babies are restrained in carseats. In this case, it may have saved a life.

Boca00

Fri, Feb 02 2018, 9:13 am

Squishy wrote:

Is leaving young kids unsupervised a real thing?? How old are these kids?

SixOfWands

Fri, Feb 02 2018, 10:29 am

Squishy wrote:

That's what the food is there for. When I used to go visit my mom when she was in isolation eruv Shabbos, I would leave my kids in the bikur cholim room. My kids told me that people would be dumping the food and taking the snacks and yogurts on their way out the door.

I feel bad for those who stayed for Shabbos.

To be DLZ, some hospitals also have bikur cholim apartments nearby, so people can be near the hospital on Shabbat. Maybe people were taking food to one of the apartments.

Amarante

Fri, Feb 02 2018, 10:38 am

southernbubby wrote:

People of low breeding act as though they haven't eaten in weeks.

Not sure whether this is different than "being raised by wolves".

I think boorish behavior exists in the secular world of course. However, I was reacting to eidel women who are justifying stealing food at simchas which some appear to be doing on this thread - which is what I found to be surprising. If there were a similar discussion among eidel secular women, I don't think there would be any attempt to justify it as it just isn't done.

The closest I have come to this kind of thing is when there are spats as to who takes home the flowers at a table - assuming that the hostess has announced that the flower centerpieces are not being allocated by the hostess.

southernbubby

Fri, Feb 02 2018, 10:44 am

Amarante wrote:

you are right; it is the same thing

Some of the table arrangements are rented and even if they are fresh floral arrangements, they are used the next night for sheva brachas. Unless the hostess gives the flowers away as gifts, it is wrong to assume that they are free to take home but I agree that some people view those flowers as theirs rather than belonging to the baal simcha.

I wonder how caterers determine how many cookies to put at the sweet table; is it 3 or 4 per person? If so, the person who takes home 2 or 3 extra cookies is probably cutting in to someone else's allotment.

alis_al_kulana

Fri, Feb 02 2018, 10:57 am

Squishy wrote:

sorry but it sounds like you'd rather complain than do anything about it.

I have told people who were acting inappropriately what they were doing wrong in a discreet manner. They have nearly always listened.

If you never say anything, you don't know for sure that ppl won't listen. You never gave them a chance. You never tried.

Hocheiach tochiach es amisecha vlo sisa alav cheit

alis_al_kulana

Fri, Feb 02 2018, 10:58 am

alis_al_kulana wrote:

Think of it as fulfilling a d'oraysa.

naturalmom5

Fri, Feb 02 2018, 11:13 am

Squishy why are you picking on little kids..

My husband wants to make yt videos of lunch and dinner [of some people]

Touching every piece of chicken until deciding
Eating half a piece of cake and putting it back in tray

Eating with their hands

He wants to post it on a website with captions
Do you want to marry this guy
Do want to take a second mortgage to support him in style

I begged him not to. I don't have life insurance on him yet

amother

Linen

Fri, Feb 02 2018, 3:44 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

How do I get the moderator to take this down? It's loshon Hora or motzei shem ra on a whole community.
I've fulfilled hocheach to hibachi now.

Mommyg8

Fri, Feb 02 2018, 3:57 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

These guys seem to be a perfect match for squishy's girls. A shidduch made in heaven.

But honestly, I think most of these guys are really decent people. Remember, Germany is considered the most well mannered and cultured country in the world.

das

Fri, Feb 02 2018, 4:21 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

There are thousands of men and boys in [that yeshivah]. Statistically at least some will have poor table manners. What is your point? That poor table manners exist?

33055

Fri, Feb 02 2018, 4:24 pm

alis_al_kulana wrote:

Sorry. I don't believe this nonsense. You walk up to people who are behaving inappropriately and tell them descreetly and they nearly always listened. This is not realistic.

We call solve all the world's problems with just a descreet whisper??? What are you the people whisperer?

Please come to my neighborhood and start whispering to all the moms that don't watch their kids or whisper to all the people without table manners or whisper to all the guys driving crazy rushing to mincha.

You can whisper to all the mother-in-laws and daughter in laws and son in laws.

I am sure you will change nothing.

naturalmom5

Fri, Feb 02 2018, 4:32 pm

das wrote:

There are thousands of men and boys in [that yeshivah]. Statistically at least some will have poor table manners. What is your point? That poor table manners exist?

There are 1000s of kinderlach and they are all cute and yummy.
What point was being made earlier. That they like candy and act like children.
I'm sure the girls Squishy was referring to are very nice girls. What was her point?