S/O Do you respect thin/pretty people more

Maya

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 4:41 pm

It's definitely a phenomenon in certain circles that I'm a part of. People constantly mentioning others' weight when talking about them, speaking with derision about those who gained weight or admiring others for losing weight. Pitying the mothers-in-law of those women who are heavy or gained weight since getting married. Always finding ways to insert details about their diets into random conversations. A woman with a large family is mostly lauded for being able to keep her figure despite the many pregnancies. Etc.

Personally, I admire women with nice bodies for the eye candy angle, but as someone who is sixty pounds heavier because of pregnancies, I can look past that as a character flaw and know it's meaningless with regards to a woman's personality.

Last edited by Maya on Mon, Feb 05 2018, 4:44 pm; edited 1 time in total

cnc

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 4:44 pm

Maya wrote:

Ughhh

thunderstorm

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 4:45 pm

Maya wrote:

People must be really empty inside. It's sad that this is what so many people consider important in life. No wonder this world is falling apart!

Maya

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 4:48 pm

Bizzydizzymommy wrote:

People must be really empty inside. It's sad that this is what so many people consider important in life. No wonder this world is falling apart!

This is the result of discouraging women from doing anything outside of domesticity. Their lives start to revolve around clothes and food, both of which are related to weight.
This is also prevalent in the world of homemaker "trophy wives."

Jewishfoodie

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 4:52 pm

As a society, people tend to judge people by their looks. As individuals, it's up to us to decide how we judge people. In around 2005 or so, there was a skit on Saturday Night Live that discussed sezual harassment. While all done in good fun, it opened up a world of journalists doing pieces on how people judge other people. The take-away from the skit was, there were two men working in an office. One was Tom Brady handsome and the other was needy and/or perceived as ugly. When the nerdy guy hit on a woman, she was repelled and "grossed out" calling him a creep and so forth. However, when the "handsome" guy hit on the same woman, she just flirted right back, flattered by the attention. Which led to hundreds of social commentaries on how we see others and how, in fact, we all treat certain people differently.

Its not easy to admit it but picture the scenario more down to earth. You're in a store, buying a dress. A thin gorgeous woman tells you it looks great on you, and definitely buy it, and a heavy set woman says you don't look good in it at all.

Don't answer. Just at least admit that to some people, it very much is a judgment call. I personally feel much more uncomfortable with a thin attractive saleswoman than with a comfortable homely one. Because I trust the comfortable homely one and I won't be embarrassed to be honest in front of her. She comes across as more genuine than the vapid, made-up to the nines sales person.

But to say we don't judge people at all on their appearance is disingenuous. I know nobody judges a person SOLELY by their looks, however looks definitely figure into the equation to some extent. Denying it is silly.

Which is why Ima is a good forum. You can't judge someone at all based on their looks. You can only base your opinion on the quality of their responses, which gives everyone equal footing. I'm sure you'll find a lot of women here who are normally reserved and shy in public because if a "body image issue" but they blossom beautifully when they're a screen name. No judgment at all.

That's my take..

Last edited by Jewishfoodie on Mon, Feb 05 2018, 5:02 pm; edited 1 time in total

unexpected

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 5:09 pm

Looking pretty is important to me, and sometimes I do secretly feel superior to ppl because I look prettier or my children look prettier. However, I know this is a character flaw of mine and not the other person's. Unfortunately, I have not worked on it much- so many other things to get to first!
All that being said, life has a way of teaching you what's important and it is slowly teaching me in this area as well.

Jewishfoodie

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 5:13 pm

unexpected wrote:

You're honesty is refreshing, and that also means that you're pretty inside, as well as outside. Wink

pizza4

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 5:34 pm

My furst reaction to this was, nah, I don't judge people by their size! My friends are all similar in size to me or somewhat larger.
Honestly though I certainly do and it's another thing we need to work to look past, as looks, and I get quite intimidated by thin people, or people who constantly say, I need to lose x amount of pounds when they are quite thin already. I love people who are comfortable in their own body no matter what size.

giselle

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 5:44 pm

unexpected wrote:

Your honesty is refreshing. And I feel the same.

I’ve suffered a lot because of my looks and at the same time could never imagine giving them up. But it feels like people act toward me a certain way that I don’t feel they’d act if I look different - at least before they’d get to know me..

amother

Tan

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 6:06 pm

I always thought this was a made up thing in peoples imaginations. Until I went on vacation with a friend who is heavy (I’m thin and attractive) and she kept commenting how nice everyone is being to me/us. And I thought everyone was acting as they always do. That’s when it hit me that there’s really a bias out there and I should appreciate what I’ve got, and also go out of my way to be a little more friendly or helpful to heavy people.

Metukah

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 6:47 pm

I don't think that people 'respect' thin people more. Maybe they look at them and think they look good, but respect is certainly the wrong word.
I'm overweight and I'm pretty respected. I don't think anyone would respect me more if I lost weight. I would definitely feel better if I was slim and people would think I look prettier (I don't blame them, so would I) but they wouldn't think better of me.

alis_al_kulana

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 10:31 pm

I have always been skinny despite being slightly hypothyroid. I often worry about what I'll do if I have a child who has trouble with weight. It is very likely genetically.

So far my kids are young but they tend to be underweight and I cook with that in mind. But I don't know how I'd handle having a kid with the opposite problem. I guess I'll have to ask my siblings raising kids with that issue.

farm

Tue, Feb 06 2018, 12:00 am

It's so nice to hear from a whole crowd of nonjudgmental people. But in the real world, there is no question in my mind that the prettier and thinner woman has a huge advantage over the plainer heavier one. Because with superficial relationships (salesperson service, job interview, shidduchim, service calls, etc), most people give preferential treatment to pretty skinny women. Perhaps in deeper "real" relationships, looks fall by the wayside. But one may not get that far if a deeper relationship never has the opportunity to develop. That's my opinion.

amother

Burgundy

Tue, Feb 06 2018, 4:31 am

I have always had bad self esteem issues from being different degrees of overweight although my dh thinks I am stunning and s-xy no matter if I'm heavier or thinner. I lost a lot of weight at one point and did notice that I was more attractive that way - photos of me were finally complimentary and I received a lot more attention by random people. Store clerks were way more friendly and helpful, men smiled at me more or looked at me appreciatively. I was shocked and pleased in the beginning as it was so new to me but then got really sickened from this. All of a sudden, my friends' husbands were giving me more attention! That got me so uncomfortable and disgusted!

Later on, I put some weight back on and actually feel much more comfortable in my own skin now. I hate being in full body photos but I don't always feel the need to put on makeup or get dressed nicely as I am not actively trying to attract anybody anymore. I think I used to when I was younger as my self esteem was connected to the amount of attention I received. I still get compliments from friends that I look so put together or match colors well but I am not trying to garner attention now at all. Those days are over. It made me so sick to see frum men turn their heads away from their wives and believe me, I was never that thin or gorgeous. At least I never saw myself in that way. I became prettier a bit. It really didn't take much for me to get unwanted attention. I would love to lose excess weight for health reasons but part of me is afraid to be thinner again and face the difference in the way men treat me. I would be happy to never leave the house sometimes but life is not like that and I always have to go places. Women were also not as nice to me when I lost weight. They all commented that I looked so good but I think it brought out jealousy and it is just not worth it to me to lose quality of friendships over it. I'd rather suffer with being overweight than deal with the extra attention.

I feel as being overweight now, my friends are not jealous of me over looks and I have real, wonderful friendships. It is sad that this is the case.