S/o parenting / hwk

amother

Firebrick

Thu, May 03 2018, 8:50 am

I didn't want to derail the other thread, but there is a discussion over whether it's ok for parents to let kids skip hwk, whose responsibility is it to educate our kids, and what message does it send if we let them skip hwk.

I have some other questions:
What message does it send when parents completely do the hwk for their child?
What message does it send when teachers give hwk that is beyond the ability of the majority of the class?
What message does it send when teachers give young kids hwk that cannot reasonably be completed in less than two hours?

I don't know anyone who lets their kids skip hwk. The moms I know either make their kids insane with completing hwk perfectly and getting top marks (talking lower elementary grades here), or do the hwk *for* their dc.

There were times when I spoke with other moms and discovered that EIGHT mothers in a class, which was 100% of the mothers I spoke with, were completely doing the project for their child. Not, helping. Doing it fully. Because the assignment was simply beyond the child's abilities.

Yes, we discussed these issues with the teachers and the higher ups directly. Got nowhere.

I am not saying that it's ok for parents to allow kids to skip their hwk. But if that does happen, it's wrong for teachers to assume that the reason is because the mother doesn't care about her child's education. It's also possible that the class would benefit from the teacher making some adjustments of her own.

amother

Linen

Thu, May 03 2018, 9:09 am

My youngest child did not do homework until 4 grade. He had no patience after school and was the top student in the class. After the first week of 1 grade I gave up and told the teacher it is not happening. Since he was way above grade level she said fine. She let him do the homework sheets in class doing quiet work. I made this arrangement for the next two years.
However in 4 grade there were writing assignments and reports so I told him he had to start doing homework every night.

amother

White

Thu, May 03 2018, 10:32 am

Some homework is beneficial, some is busy work. I'm fine with letting a kid skip now and then because they had a hard day, or it was longer than usual (for example, a doc appt after school), but I don't make a habit of it. Actually, most of my kids' teachers offer a free homework pass for every 15-20 nights of completed homework, so they get a teacher-sanctiones skip fairly regularly.

Ignoring homework absolutely does send a message that you don't think school is that important and it will bleed into other aspects of their education. If you feel the amount or level of the homework is inappropriate, you talk to the teacher! It's amazing how many problems can be solved by simple, adult communication.

My oldest is very academically advanced and I've made arrangements every year that on repetitive assignments, he only has to do a few of the questions. If he gets, say, the first 5 math problems correct, he doesn't have to do the rest. The teachers have all been receptive to this. The few times he's needed to actually complete the whole sheet were the times where he really did need the reinforcement on that particular skill.

I also have a rule that homework should take no more than 10 minutes per grade (at least in elementary; older ages with more subjects and more complex assignments are a different situation). If they cannot complete it in that time frame, they do not need to complete the rest. Most of the time they are able to do this, maybe sometimes running a few minutes over. But if it is consistently happening that the time is up and a significant portion of the homework is not complete, that tells me either the workload is inappropriate or the child is struggling with something. Either way, once again, it's call the teacher and figure it out. I've never had a problem from the teachers when that's happened. We talked and figured out what was going on and what to do on both ends.

Also, I absolutely do not do homework or projects for them. My responsibility is to make sure it gets done and provide an environment conducive to that happening. I do not check if it's correct (except where I have the aforementioned arrangement that if the first few are correct they don't have to finish the sheet), I make sure they have an appropriate work space and appropriate materials. If they need help clarifying directions, I'll do that too (if I can. Sometimes the instructions baffle the parents too!) Younger kids I help with making sure it all gets back into their bags, for older kids, that's on them.

Ema of 5

Thu, May 03 2018, 10:52 am

I hate homework. Absolutely detest it. I will not make my kids do it. I remind them a few times, but then that’s it. I did my time doing homework, I don’t have to do it again. I will supervise, and I will help if they need help, but I won’t teach them, and I won’t spend more than 10 minutes on each assignment. I don’t do projects and reports for my kids, these are their assignments not mine. I can guide and help, but they always take the lead. If I see homework is taking an excessively long time, I will speak to my child and see what’s going on. Sometimes it warrants a call to the teacher, sometimes not. I don’t believe homework is a necessity, but I DO believe hay physical activity is imperative to proper growth and development, and it is a HUGE part of being a child.

flowerpower

Thu, May 03 2018, 11:00 am

First of all, I train my kids to do homework on their own- I'm there if they need me but they should take it out, see what's for homework, and do whatever they can on their own. If it's reading or something I sit with them of course. I recheck the sheet if they did it correctly. I encourage them to put it back in their book bag after. It makes it much easier when they're semi dependent only. Skipping homework is not an option since it shows a lack of responsibility. If my daughter has 6 things for homework I'll be more lax on something like Chumash review. Reading and math is a priority. Moms should not do their kids homework. Especially projects! When my daughter brings home a scrapbook where each week a different kid decorates a page, and some pages are made fully by moms...what's the point?

amother

Seagreen

Thu, May 03 2018, 11:16 am

I'm a teacher for twenty years and I can tell u that for kids that r weaker academically hw is very important to maintain the skills that they learned that day. I'm very lenient and understanding if it doesn't get done but at the end of the day it's beneficial for those that need the constant review and practice. My own son who's 7 leaves the house by 8 comes home before 5 and goes to bed about 7:30 barely does his hw now. In the winter it was much easier to get him to do it now that he's outside playing I don't fight with him it's not worth it! He needs to let out his energy better! I spoke to his Rebbi who was very understanding since he's very bright keh and doing well he totally agreed with me. His teacher on the other hand Exploding anger

Takes away his recess if he Doesn't do his homework!!!! Real old school Rolling Eyes

Ema of 5

Thu, May 03 2018, 11:53 am

amother wrote:

Takes away his recess if he Doesn't do his homework!!!! Real old school Rolling Eyes

I hate when they take away recess, it’s so counter productive. But all of my kids teachers do it....
I think after pesach there should be no homework. Kids don’t have enough time to play and move in school, it’s so wrong to take away the little time they have at home as well....

Bnei Berak 10

Thu, May 03 2018, 11:57 am

amother wrote:

I do let my son aged 7 skip hw. He leaves at 8 am. Gets home at 5 and goes to bed between 6.45 and 7. He has NO TIME. He has a terrible time with such. Long day. I discussed with the teachers and we try each night to do one homework thing. Sometimes I get him to do more but I don't push it. His day is hard enough as it is. I feel that he gets to much homework. He is one of the weaker students and it is super hard for him to do it (Now bash me.... )

Sorry for asking but a 7 year old leaving at 8 and back at home 5 sounds a bit much. Is this because of long drive to school? What time classes start and when do they finish?

How about changing schools with a more suitable curriculum, is that an option? I'm asking since we all know that with age, students will have more homework, not less. Expectations will increase with age. If he has a hard time now, what will it be later on? Think of it very seriously because you probably want your son to enjoy school and succeed in his studies, right?

keym

Thu, May 03 2018, 12:14 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

By first grade in America, school can run 8:30-4:15 easy. Adding 30 min each way for carpool, middle of the bus route etc, you easily have children starting at 6, leaving at 8 and not coming home until 4:45.
By 4th grade many extend schools until 4:45/5, so you have 8 yr olds leaving at 9 and coming home at 5:30.
5/6th grade add minyan at 7:30. The average 11 yr old boy leaves at 7, comes home at 5:30.
You cant switch schools because they all basically have this schedule.
Thats what happens with dual curriculum. Trying to give both kodesh and chol- at least enough legally if not more.
But I find boys get significantly less homework a night than girls. Math sheet, maybe spelling words, kriah and chumash or mishna.
Girls at least in lakewood have way more per night.

Bnei Berak 10

Thu, May 03 2018, 12:22 pm

keym wrote:

So this explains the whole thing. It's obvious days will be very long if you have dual curriculum (which I find great)

amother

Blonde

Thu, May 03 2018, 12:48 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

He has a very long bus ride. He actually darts at 9 and ends at 4.15. I pick him up once a week when he has a therapy sessions nd I take him when I am.able to but it's 20 minutes out of my way and I have 2 other children to drop off daily. He gets help in school with reading and kriah and will be getting resource room next year. It may be detrimental but when you have a kid like mine that absolutely needa that play time for his mental health, I take that over his studies. He bh enjoys school very much and is well liked. All the teachers understand him bh.

Bnei Berak 10

Thu, May 03 2018, 1:03 pm

amother wrote:

I'm very happy to hear he enjoys school, it's a blessing!

Ema of 5

Thu, May 03 2018, 1:05 pm

amother wrote:

Takes away his recess if he Doesn't do his homework!!!! Real old school Rolling Eyes

HW is not what’s important. What’s important is repetition and teaching in a way that the student will understand. Sometimes that means practicing at home, but sometimes it means you need a different approach.

imasinger

Thu, May 03 2018, 1:11 pm

Homework can teach a lot more than the subject matter. I have bright kids, ka"h, but they have very poor executive functioning skills.

Homework gives them practice at being responsible, planning, and doing so at the end of the day. I think those life skills are crucial.

I absolutely will help, but not do, a child's homework. Depending on how competent the teacher is, that help might be merely a reminder, examining resources together, or actually editing or correcting work. I could care less about the grade, what interests me is, did the child learn and benefit.

That being said, pointless make-work, arts n crafts projects for the artistically challenged, and assignments that are not age appropriate are bad news.

I have no problem sending a letter to a teacher requesting a meeting if there are inappropriate assignments.