S/O Fancy Ladies/Hand me downs/Whats "in"

amother

Coral

Thu, Aug 23 2018, 10:35 am

Reading lots of posts concerning style and how people choose to dress their children and themselves got me thinking.

Do the people that are opposed to dressing this way believe its wrong to do so or just not important? Like on our ruchniyus ladder do you (not necessarily excluding myself) believe that it pulls people down?

Chayalle

Thu, Aug 23 2018, 11:04 am

It's unimportant to me, but I have no problem or judgement with those who consider it important. Maybe there are some women who are able to experience the joy of Y"T, Shabbos, motherhood,or a host of other important and very spiritual experiences better if their children are wearing nice, matching clothes.

The whole concept and purpose of gashmiyus is supposed to help us serve Hashem. For some it might be a really nice Y"T menu. For others, it may be matching, elegant clothes. Or a combination of a whole bunch of things.

As long as the gashmiyus is being used as an end and not a means, I don't think it will pull someone down. I think this is different for different people, and it will take on a different level of importance according to a person's own nature, upbringing, needs, etc....

Just like for some people out there, papergoods work fine for a Y"T meal, and I feel more spiritual using my best china....yes I do. That's the way I am. And for some, having their kids wear matching clothes may make them feel more in the spirit of the Y"T, Shabbos, etc....

thunderstorm

Thu, Aug 23 2018, 11:09 am

I really don't care what people do. But what's concerning is because of the herd mentality in our communities these meshugasin of a few individuals eventually become the norm and the need to keep up with the Kliens gets stronger and stronger and the expectations crazier and crazier . It's a constant chase and it becomes the focus as opposed to what's really important . That's just my opinion and I'm not expecting anyone to agree with me.

pause

Thu, Aug 23 2018, 2:33 pm

Chayalle wrote:

You must have meant the opposite! Smile

One who uses gashmiyus as a means to simchas YT or whatever is uplifting the mundane to a higher purpose. While one for whom gashmiyus is the end, they are enslaved to the "look" and whatever everyone else is doing.

Honestly, I wonder how many people who literally obsess over clothing and "just-right" accessories have the kavana of doing it l'shem shamayim... I think we're kidding ourselves a bit by rationalizing the extreme that all of this has come to.

As with everything balance is key.

Maya

Thu, Aug 23 2018, 2:35 pm

amother wrote:

I don’t see it as a spiritual issue, just a personal growth, maturity and development issue.

If you don’t trust your own style or don’t have the confidence to know what you do or don’t like when it comes to something as simple and insignificant as clothes, how can you be trusted to have the mental capability to make the right choices in much bigger decisions? If you can’t think for yourself and always need to be guided by what everyone else is doing, how do you ultimately find your own path and your own happiness?

amother

Cerulean

Thu, Aug 23 2018, 2:46 pm

pause wrote:

Honestly, I wonder how many people who literally obsess over clothing and "just-right" accessories have the kavana of doing it l'shem shamayim... I think we're kidding ourselves a bit by rationalizing the extreme that all of this has come to.
.

This.

And let's not start with the mishloach manos/costumes parade.

You like doing it? That's great, I'm all for getting your creative juices going.

But, don't tell me that it's for the mitzva. The mitzva is to give to those who aren't your friends, not to impress your inner circle.

If anything, we've lost sight of the real meaning of these days because of our over involvement in the gashmius side.

flowerpower

Thu, Aug 23 2018, 3:10 pm

amother wrote:

For me it’s simchas yom tov. I enjoy it. My kids also do. You don’t have to do the same. Anyways, start a spinoff.... these days half of the posts are spinoffs anywAys...

flowerpower

Thu, Aug 23 2018, 3:20 pm

Some are foodies and some are into clothing. Some are obsessed with cooking healthy un- identifiable food made from dates and acai and some are busy making Insta-stories all day long. Some are busy posting their gym and jogging workouts and some are busy shopping in malls. As long as you do your part with ruchnius there is nothing wrong with doing the same with gashmiyus. Hashem wants us to enjoy his world after all.

If matching your kids makes you happy then good for you. If you don’t understand the whole matching business stop knocking others that do and move on.

If you want your kids to be in style and it makes you happy then good for you. If you don’t think it’s a good idea then do what you want. Why do you care what others do? Is it hurting you physically?

My friend is always sending me pictures of what she got for her kids. It always comes with the statement “It’s very in this season”. I see it makes her happy so I compliment it. She went through a ton of trauma and this makes her happy. I’m happy she found things that makes her happy.

I do what I want and that makes me happy. Do what you feel is right and that will make you happy. No right or wrong here.

DrMom

Thu, Aug 23 2018, 5:06 pm

amother wrote:

But why is it any worse than being a foodie?

Or is the problem people are having the obsession? Are they saying that having your kids match automatically is an obsession of externals?

I don't think people are criticizing an "interest in fashion" so much as an unhealthy obsession with "what's trending now? What is everybody else wearing? I want to fit in." That is not an interest in fashion so much as an insecurity and a needy desire for conformity.

Even worse is the "I must know what is 'in' so I can dress my kids trendily so they are popular at school" phenomenon. This, IMO, inculcates insecurity and snobbishness and materialism in children. Not a good thing.

Most foodies don't say, "I must know what foods are 'in' so I can pack my child the most stylish lunch for school so he won't be bullied by his classmates."

mommy3b2c

Thu, Aug 23 2018, 5:15 pm

DrMom wrote:

For me it has nothing to do with fitting in and everything to do with enjoying fashion. I don’t know why everyone assumes that everyone who is into fashion is doing it to fit in.

thunderstorm

Thu, Aug 23 2018, 5:25 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

For me it has nothing to do with fitting in and everything to do with enjoying fashion. I don’t know why everyone assumes that everyone who is into fashion is doing it to fit in.

there are indeed real fashionistas such as you out there. That's your enjoyment and it brings out your creative side. Then there are those that are clueless about fashion that will ask what the latest trend is so that she could copy you and dress like you. She doesn't get satisfaction from her creative side. She actually gets stressed and worried if she is copying you well enough and mimicking you exactly. This causes unneeded stress and unhappiness. But she feels she HAS to stress over it so that she isn't a misfit. And there are many such people out there who really struggle with that pressure. Thats the part that just is worrisome to me . All fashionistas should stick to their love for fashion because it's REAL versus those that just want to copy everyone else instead of finding out about what they truly enjoy wearing and doing. Sorry for the ramble

sirel

Thu, Aug 23 2018, 5:25 pm

DrMom wrote:

Most foodies don't say, "I must know what foods are 'in' so I can pack my child the most stylish lunch for school so he won't be bullied by his classmates."

Are you kidding?
They might not say it straight out,
about 2 years ago, all of a sudden, every single food blogger came out with kale recipes. what happened until then?
and for a while the trend was chia seeds, oh how everyone raved about how wonderful and healthy it was.

there's a new "superfood" every year or so. and you bet the foodies follow those trends closely.

amother

Salmon

Thu, Aug 23 2018, 5:42 pm

I think it's all about balance. I happen to be one of those women who enjoys looking put together, and when I go out I'm always wearing a sheitel, makeup, stockings, nice shoes, etc. I am not trying to impress anyone. I do it for myself, but I don't think any less of someone wearing a snood and a slinky skirt, if that works for them.

What I do think is a problem is when this becomes the emphasis, whether you're talking about nice clothes, food, or anything else. Yes, everyone has her "thing", and it's fine to enjoy it. You want to serve 7 course meals? You want to dress your family beautifully? That's fine. We even have a mitzva to eat special foods and wear nice clothes on YT, as a way of elevating the physical. BUT...let's not lose sight of the fact that it should never be our priority in life. Let's keep our eyes on what's really important.

At the same time, let's be careful not to judge our friends and neighbors and their priorities, because you really don't know what's in their hearts. Yes, Rivky's seudos always look straight out of a magazine, and Shaindy's kids all look beautiful and matching, but that doesn't mean they're necessarily putting the wrong amount of emphasis on these things. Maybe Rivky uses cooking and table setting as an outlet, which doesn't detract from the other things she needs to do. Maybe Shaindy's mother sends matching clothes for the kids. Let's worry about our own growth without judging others.

mammale

Thu, Aug 23 2018, 7:13 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

For me it has nothing to do with fitting in and everything to do with enjoying fashion. I don’t know why everyone assumes that everyone who is into fashion is doing it to fit in.

For you. You do it simply cuz you are good at it and enjoy it. I sometimes see posts of people saying that they don't have a chush in fashion and they feel awful cuz they don't know what is trendy and HELP! I need to dress to fit in... I think there is a difference.

amother

Coral

Thu, Aug 23 2018, 7:35 pm

So what it sounds like most people are saying is that its ok to be into fashion but not to go crazy with it. But if someone actually cares about fashion and looking good is it fair to say that they can't ask for help sometimes? Why all the backlash on a simple post like what shoes are in style?

Maya

Thu, Aug 23 2018, 7:42 pm

amother wrote:

Because if you’re into fashion for the enjoyment of it, you’d know which shoes are in style... You wouldn’t need to ask around to make sure you got it right.