Do you host these Yeshiva Boys?

amother

Pewter

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 7:03 pm

We just got to Eretz Yisroel to spend Yom Tov with our son. To our surprise my son tells me he gets calls around the clock from boys he knows from high school and camp that they will like to get invited to a meal by us in a hotel. It’s not that they call once but they keep on calling and bothering him. These boys have never called him before.
My son invited a few of his close friends from his yeshiva for first night Yom Tov seudah. Am I really supposed to spend over $200 for every boy that asks?
There are also boys that live our neighborhood that have nothing to do with my son that there father or mother asked for meals before we left. These boys never even said “hi” to my son.
Is this normal? Am I mean to say no? These boys could cost thousands of dollars to feed in the hotel.

amother

Royalblue

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 7:09 pm

That is not mean at all. They can ask and you said enough. That's all. What do they think? It's included in your price?

allthingsblue

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 7:09 pm

When I was in seminary, I secretly hoped to get invited, but I'd never have had the chutzpah to ask, and I never held it against anyone who didn't invite me. That's ridiculous! I imagine boys are somewhat different than girls but that still sounds strange. You do NOT have any obligation to have them for meals.

Rachel Shira

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 7:10 pm

Of course you don’t have to feed them. It’s chutzpahdik of them to be asking unless they’re offering to pay.

amother

Pewter

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 7:14 pm

Rachel Shira wrote:

Of course you don’t have to feed them. It’s chutzpahdik of them to be asking unless they’re offering to pay.

Of course they feel it’s coming to them. And I heard these boys all walk-in empty handed.

amother

Taupe

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 7:20 pm

A few questions for you to ponder.

Why on earth do you feel obligated here?

Does you son have social issues that you feel you need to help him even at his age to be koneh lcha chaver?

(tongue in cheek question)
Just exactly how rich are you? If your surname is Rothschild or something and it's the financial equivalent of me putting out a couple of bags of pretzels then maybe. But it's a huge maybe, I don't usually serve pretzels to people who have nothing to do with my kids.

amother

Periwinkle

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 7:22 pm

Welcome to yeshiva guys in israel. Most girls don’t have the guts to just invite themselves like that but guys I think care Less. Yes when I was in sem I hoped to get invited but I never dared to ask. It’s fine, they ask and you say your full. You had x amount of slots and they’re full.

simcha2

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 7:40 pm

Definitely don't have to host them. But don't think too badly about them. Hard to have to make every Yom tov meal by yourself.

amother

Pewter

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 8:33 pm

amother wrote:

A few questions for you to ponder.

Why on earth do you feel obligated here?

Does you son have social issues that you feel you need to help him even at his age to be koneh lcha chaver?

(.

B”h my son has no social issues. He is upset boys are trying to use him.

amother

Bisque

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 8:36 pm

I'd go with "clueless" here. Tell your son exactly what it costs to add extra boys to your party, and then have him offer any of the would-be guests to pay their own way. Learning experience and ending this nonsense in one go.

amother

Pewter

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 8:36 pm

Rachel Shira wrote:

Of course you don’t have to feed them. It’s chutzpahdik of them to be asking unless they’re offering to pay.

Of course they are not paying.

tachles

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 9:28 pm

Omg that is insane.
Especially the parents that ask you to host their sons, that’s so strange. I mean your in a hotel it’s 200 a person, who on earth asks you to shell out 200 on their young sons YT meal ?!
If anything , they could have said
“Oh pewter I heard you’ll be at the Hilton for YT , my Yisrael needs to find a place for YT meal, if you don’t mind that he joins your family I would love to call the hotel and pay for a seat at your table “
Ie - offer to pay for the 200$ ticket, you’ll provide the family setting.

It seems that you’ve gone out of your way to include your sons close friends for the first night YT seduah, that’s generous and lovely of you. Harbor no guilt for anything .

WhatFor

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 10:37 pm

Just say, "sorry, our table is full, but I heard many of these hotels allow people to walk in for meals in they reserve in advance. Just call and find out."

Or if you want to get real with them, just say, "I'm not sure if you're aware that the meal costs $200 per person. My own siblings wouldn't ask me to sponsor their meal at that price, and when was the last time our sons hung out? I'm surprised that you think it's an appropriate request."

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 12:27 am

I have to plead ignorance. I don't have any children overseas in Israel learning. I have no experience with this.

But I can't even believe this is a thing. Sounds like the height of chutzpah. I would not even think about being bullied into this.

amother

Pewter

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 7:29 am

amother wrote:

I would be scared for my son to offer them to pay on their own because they can say they are paying after yom tov and never pay. I don’t want my son turning into a collection agency.
I know a older couple that got together with some of their friends in a hotel over Sukkos and the couples never paid back the one that laid out the money.

Ruchel

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 7:55 am

My husband sometimes went to a friend's family I guess a bit like that. But it was ONE person and a real best friend. Also costs were minimized, same room and stuff. Even for his bar mitsva the whole class was not invited. I would never agree to random kids, it seems like that Anne Frank story where the mean kids freeload until there's nothing left and dump the person! In fact it's a form of bullying to me.

watergirl

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 8:08 am

Why is everybody assuming that these families know what the cost of the hotel meals are? OP, just say no. Or say “maybe you arent aware but guest meals run at $200/each, we are unable to host this time”.

Sadie

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 8:09 am

amother wrote:

The son can tell the friends (or the mother can tell the parents who are asking) to call the hotel and pay in advance. The hotel won’t let anyone in who isn’t on their list. Then when everyone is inside the dining room they can sit together.

oliveoil

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 8:54 am

I'm just wondering what the hotel is serving for $200 per person per meal.

Anyone got a menu?

(Oh, and I think it's rude for anyone at any time to invite themselves over. How much more so in this situation!)