Reactions to beggars

amother

Mint

Thu, Oct 11 2018, 9:28 am

How do you react when you pass by a homeless man on the street with a cup begging for money?
what about those guys that walk between the lanes of cars at a red light with their hand out or a sign?
what if a man comes over to you when you are walking and asks you personally for money?

In these exact scenarios, would your reactions be different if the person was a woman?

Me personally, I'm terrified of beggars, I don't know why. and my instinct is to lock the doors or run away as fast as I can. a woman beggar does not generate the same fear.
just wondering if I am alone.

WhatFor

Thu, Oct 11 2018, 9:37 am

I'm always more defensive of a man approaching me than someone sitting on the street.

And I think it's fair to be more afraid of men approaching you on the street than a woman approaching you. Fact is that a man is more likely to be a threat than a woman. That doesn't mean most men are threatening or that all women aren't, I'm just saying I think you're being reasonable.

Unfortunately people who are homeless often have untreated mental health issues and your brain may interpret any socially inappropriate behavior from men as threatening. I think do your best to treat people respectfully but if you feel threatened, listen to your gut. Help when you can and you feel you can do so without compromising your safety.

amother

Seashell

Thu, Oct 11 2018, 10:21 am

I ignore anyone who walks up to me and asks in my face. It feels like an invasion of my space and I don't take well to it. I don't like being pressured either.

However, if a man or woman is sitting quietly on the street with a cup, I drop in coins or a bill.

And yes, I feel fearful when it's a man walking up to me and I don't feel fearful when it's a woman.

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Oct 11 2018, 10:40 am

amother wrote:

I feel the same way when they come to my home. I am a sick lady, and they disturb my peace. I can't count how many times I have been woken up by knocking and banging. I never give because it encourages them to send friends and come back.

flowerpower

Thu, Oct 11 2018, 10:51 am

amother wrote:

Hang a sign on your door in english, yiddish, and hebrew and hopefully they won’t bother you anymore.

southernbubby

Thu, Oct 11 2018, 11:02 am

I always feel bad and guilty when I don't give but some streets in Brooklyn have numerous beggars and I don't feel that it should cost $10 just to walk down the street. One friend once gave me a suggestion that I should give $1 to the first beggar and then just smile and nod at the rest. I often follow that advice. I also usually take a lot of side streets to get where I want to go because I don't always have enough coins to give to every beggar who sits outside a shul, such as 770, or outside of the grocery stores.

I was once sitting in the passenger seat, waiting for my son-in-law, and I sat and observed. Most people totally ignored the beggars and simply walked on by and didn't even glance in their direction. I think that there is a point that:

1) People don't carry cash like they used to
2) They don't want to attract more beggars to the neighborhood because some of them may also steal and may not really be Jewish
3) Beggars sitting too close to stores could disrupt business.

I have seen in one city with lots of panhandlers, signs up telling tourists and locals not to give money to beggars because their presence makes the shopping areas less attractive and may take away from local businesses.

southernbubby

Thu, Oct 11 2018, 11:05 am

leah233 wrote:

My general reaction to beggars is "what if my life circumstance had been similar to theirs?"

I make an exception if they act very aggressive. Then they aren't begging. They are extorting.

Very true!!!

Banging on doors to disturb people so that they have to get up from their beds and answer the door is part of that. If the person doesn't answer after a knock or two, leave them alone!

I have seen too many aggressive beggars who spoil it for anyone who really needs to beg because people don't want to encourage panhandling in their neighborhoods. They don't mind those who sit with a cup and are grateful for a coin but they really can't stand the extortionists.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Oct 11 2018, 11:49 am

I almost always give. If someone is really aggressive, I will get myself away from them. Otherwise, I do my best to help.

I trust my gut instincts. Sometimes I buy people food, sometimes I give change. When I lived in NYC, I always kept my loose change in my coat pocket. That way I didn't have to stop and dig in my purse. I'd buy lunch while at work, and by the time I got home all my change would have gone to people who live in the subways.

Here in Israel, I feel the same way, but even more so. It's such a huge mitzva, how could I turn it away? Even though I am on an extremely tight budget, I give the little that I can, hoping that Hashem will replace it, or even increase it. I am usually showered with brochas, and for me that is worth way more than a few shekels.

I've only had one person turn down my money. He came to my door, and I didn't have much cash on me that day, just a few shekels. He looked at it, and handed it back to me. Walked away without so much as a "good day". Oh well, I guess he was only looking for big donors.

A woman came to my door a few days ago, and told me that because of her age and a weak heart, she couldn't find work. She didn't have any family to help. I gave her 20 shekels, and she almost started to cry. I wished her refuah shelimah, and she blessed me over and over again. Now, how is that scary?

G-d forbid, I should ever be in that lady's shoes, but because of my own health issues, it is a very real possibility some day. I pray that by sharing what I have with others, I will be spared the fate of being dependent on others.

In my last community, there was a rabbi's fund set up, for all the tzedakah gatherers, to keep them from knocking on doors. The rabbi gave us all a stack of business cards, so that the people could contact the rabbi, present their teudah, and receive the money that had been donated by the community. It was a great system for people who felt pressured or nervous.

Still, the mitzva of handing someone money in person is something to be embraced with an open heart.

thunderstorm

Thu, Oct 11 2018, 12:47 pm

amother wrote:

I would never ever open my car window for those homeless beggars walking on the highways, that's dangerous. They use every penny they get on drugs & alcohol.

Because many of those beggars are indeed alcoholics or drug addicts, my father taught me to still have rachmanus but not to give money. He said he always hands them a sandwich or a fruit from his lunch bag if he is on the train etc.
When I was younger a highly pregnant homeless woman came on the train looking like she would pass out and was begging for money. We had fruit with us and handed it to her.
I know that is not always what they want and some get angry. But if they were hungry they accept. I'm not going to support their addictions . It's sad.

southernbubby

Thu, Oct 11 2018, 1:24 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

I have a friend who is an Uber driver. She buys granola bars in bulk at Costco, and cases of bottled water.

She never gives money, but always food and water.

That takes advance planning. I wonder how many people even prepare some dollar bills or coins to give to beggars. That is a special person who plans in advance to care for the poor.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Oct 11 2018, 1:27 pm

southernbubby wrote:

That takes advance planning. I wonder how many people even prepare some dollar bills or coins to give to beggars. That is a special person who plans in advance to care for the poor.

She's an incredibly awesome person. She taught DD how to do basic computer coding, in exchange for my spare craft supplies. She's just an all around sweet person on every level.