Uncovered hair | Imamother

Shoshana37

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 12:55 pm

hello I recently uncovered my hair due to husband Sad

request. long story can't get into details right now. I have two kids in high school they both don't care as long as I am happy and I have two little girls in Lev Beis Yakov when I am around them I still cover and they have no clue what is happening.
my question is I am very worried if someone will see me from school with our head cover and then will ask us to take our children out from there. Do you know if everyone must cover their hair to be accepted in LBY or they care more about the girls. Of course when I go to PTA I cover my hair or any other school events. I am just so tired watching over my shoulders that someone might see me and will not allow my girls to be in a great yeshiva. the truth is I love this school its the best faculty I have ever seen. my older kids went to different schools so I know.
Please advise me. Should I be worried that parents may not want their girls to be friends with my daughters on play dates etc...
I am extremely worried embarrassed

chulentalakiddush

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 1:42 pm

hodeez wrote:

You should be more worried about the fact that you're not covering your hair. Why doesn't your husband want it covered?

OP said she didn't want to discuss it. She's a grown up and can make decisions about hair covering. I assume you're well intentioned, but I think we should let Imamother to be a place where frum women can speak freely with other frum women without judgement.

NovelConcept

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 2:23 pm

irrationalrose wrote:

can you just wear a wide headband when you go out so it looks like you are wearing a headband fall?

Honestly, I think that would be more of a reason to kick a family out of a school then honestly going uncovered.

To try to fool the world with a headband is like a chazir who sticks out his toes and says, "I'm kosher!"

If the OP is uncovering her hair for whatever reason, at least not add dishonesty to the mix. There is hiding, from shame, hoping that no one will see her -- which is a normal human reaction. And then there is plain deceit.

I don't know OP's struggles, and my heart hurts for her that she is going through something that is causing her to lower her standards to below that of the Torah's. It can't be easy.
But at least it is a legitimate struggle. People struggle, but it's not a game.

There is no reason to turn this into a game of how many people can she fool

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 3:24 pm

hodeez wrote:

You should be more worried about the fact that you're not covering your hair. Why doesn't your husband want it covered?

Please dont start being judgey. The OP said she did not want to discuss it.
And not everyone covers their hair. FULL STOP.

Maya

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 3:45 pm

NovelConcept wrote:

A wide headband can be a legitimate hair covering, and as long as the OP doesn’t specifically say that she’s wearing a band fall, she’s not fooling anyone by allowing people to assume whatever they want. I don’t understand why this is dishonest.

Alternative

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 4:05 pm

Ruchel wrote:

HUSBAND telling her not to cover is very DIFFERENT from a choice

This.
Op, own your lifestyle. Do not be a pushover.
And it is ridiculous to run around hiding. Register your kids to schools that are on board with the choices you make.

Cheiny

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 4:16 pm

Shoshana37 wrote:

hello I recently uncovered my hair due to husband Sad

Stop worrying about what strangers think, and perhaps start thinking about what your children will ultimately think when they become confused about what seems like hypocrisy, and dishonesty...and most of all, perhaps think about what Hashem thinks,,,those are way more important priorities than the strangers. If the school throws your kids out, you can lay the blame with your dh who made his priorities clear by forcing you to uncover.

Cheiny

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 4:18 pm

chulentalakiddush wrote:

That’s true but also, if she is here asking advice, I don’t see anything wrong with mother’s voicing all their opinions, even if they disagree with what she’s doing. She might become more aware of some viewpoints and issues she hasn’t considered, when she decided to just do whatever her dh told her to do.

vintagebknyc

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 4:18 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Why do you always have to be so judgy and mean?

Cheiny

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 4:21 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

The OP sad "due to husband's REQUEST", that word does not mean being forced. A request is being asked.

And we are not obligated to give in to “requests” which require lowering one’s standards of halachah. What happens when he then asks her to wear pants (if she currently doesn’t, or doesn’t want to wear them?) ? What about. And what about When it moves into breaking other areas of halachah? Where do you draw the line? Everyone is responsible for their own religiosity or lack thereof.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 4:24 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Personally when I saw the word request in the OP, in my mind that meant a DIALOGUE between husband AND wife, together talking about this. I am sure that the wife did not do this under duress. nd if she did do it under duress, then there are way bigger problems here than hair covering.

Cheiny

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 4:34 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I wouldn’t assume. I got the opposite impression, that he kind of was insistent,,,op, please clarify.