Does everyone have real challenges?

amother

Seafoam

Tue, Apr 30 2019, 2:40 pm

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

A (healthy) crying baby isn't a life challenge. It just isn't. Difficult to deal with at the time, but you know it will pass, and it is part and parcel of having children. If it is on top of other, more major challenges than it can seem hugely insurmountable but that is more because it's the straw that broke the camel's back.

Have you ever had a colicy baby? It is breaking. It truly is. The crying goes on and on and there is nothing you can do to help you baby who is clearly in pain but you can't figure out what is causing it. Thank you for your validation Banging head

. Don't tell me I don't know what challenges are. I have had many "official" challenges as well. I've had two children since and b"H have not dealt with it with them. Not every baby cries nonstop for hours on end leaving you feeling hopeless and lost.

amother

Seafoam

Tue, Apr 30 2019, 3:00 pm

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

Have you passed the age of 40 with no children yet? Because I have.

I never claimed that you had no challenges. I'm merely stating that you are invalidating what is also a real challenge. I wish you lots of bracha including children who give you lots of joy.

amother

Lemon

Tue, Apr 30 2019, 3:01 pm

amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:

My first baby cried for HOURS. It was hard. But in the grand scheme of things not the hardest thing that ever happened to me, by far. Bh she is now a healthy active child with adhd which btw is sometimes related according to research.

amother

Salmon

Tue, Apr 30 2019, 3:03 pm

amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:

Yes, I’ve had a colicky baby.
Not only did I not have family support, my mother is so mentally fragile that the birth of this baby who was my first triggered a mental breakdown.
She was suicidal and was hospitalized.
I also have a baby who never cries.
She is buried six feet under.
Having a colicky baby while not easy is not out of the ordinary and a passing stage.

amother

Lemon

Tue, Apr 30 2019, 3:04 pm

amother [ Salmon ] wrote:

BadTichelDay

Tue, Apr 30 2019, 3:10 pm

I haven't read the whole thread, but the parts I've read made me frown a bit.
I mean, does comparing each other's challenges do any good? Does it make life seem more fair?
Looking at other people's problems doesn't solve mine.
I don't need someone else to be miserable in order to feel better about myself.
So I've suffered from infertility (IRL), but my neighbor has Shalom Bayit issues. Does that help me? Or her?
I've had a lot of other challenges and troubles in my life which would look "horrible" if I wrote them all down. But I'm not going to do that here.
Instead, I'll recommend something funny:
There used to be an old British comedy video on youtube called "The four Yorkshire men". (Don't have the koiach to look for a link but it should come up by search). In it, these four Yorkshire lower class guys are talking about who had a more horrible childhood and whose family was poorer. It becomes a kind of misery competition and they exaggerate their hardships more and more until it gets totally absurd.

I think of life as a kind of obstacle course or parcours where I have to navigate what Hashem sends me.
Other people get other obstacles. We can help each other but we can't swap.
I'm thankful to Hashem that I'm still in one piece and functioning and have a lot of great blessings as well. The blessings clearly outweigh the troubles.

If I had to describe my life in one word, it would be "interesting".

amother

Blue

Tue, Apr 30 2019, 3:14 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I know but I really wanted to hear from them which is why I started the OP.

I’ll bite.

BH, I feel very blessed in life. I cannot say I have or have had any major challenges. Of course, I’m still pretty young and hopefully have a lot more time left.

But that doesn’t mean I am coasting by with a perfect life. I haven’t had luck finding a good paying job, but BH we’re managing financially. I’ve had to deal with high risk pregnancies, but BH I have healthy, beautiful children. There are always bumps in the road, but I would say I have not been tremendously tested.

I want to hug every woman I see struggling on this site, and I wish them only brachos.

singleagain

Tue, Apr 30 2019, 3:18 pm

BadTichelDay wrote:

You're taking about the Monty Python sketch... I love Monty Python!

Here it is

https://youtu.be/_nL6isGPhzk

singleagain

Tue, Apr 30 2019, 3:31 pm

amother [ Salmon ] wrote:

It’s not about comparing.
Im saying everyday struggles are not life challenges.
They don’t cause emotional pain.
To choose one example from the list, a baby crying all day is hard and worthy of sympathy yet I would not consider it a life challenge.
It’s a result of a bracha.
A lot of people would love to have such “hardships”.
And your statement that monumental struggles can be mitigated or put aside is false and invalidating to all people with real-life challenges.
Which one of your challenges you listed can be put out of mind or resolved by YOU?

Salmon,

The absolute late thing I want to do is cause anyone to feel invalidated and if my words hurt you or anyone else. I am sorry.

But my point, is that there shouldn't be a divide between types of struggles. One person's easy is another hard. And ppl react to their challenges in different ways.

By saying something isn't a life challenge, it sounds like that can be taken as invalidating by someone going through that issue.

That's why I used quotes in my post around the words "everyday" and "monumental"

The point I would like to make is:
Let's not divide challenges into category's.
A hardship is a hardship.

And. You wanted to know how I deal with my hardships...

I'm terrified to date, bc of the way my marriage ended.
I take meds and go to therapy for my mental health.
And... You know what....I ignore my physical pain for as long as I can. .... I do..I push it to the back of my mind, bc if I let myself feel it all, I would never get out of bed. I'm wish I had the motivation to do regular activity .. but I don't. So I ignore it until I collapse in bed to not get up till the next morning.

amother

Lime

Tue, Apr 30 2019, 3:36 pm

My biggest struggle is to live in a community where people gossip and judge soooo much! It’s literally a cultural thing.
Can’t you all see that all this judging and gossiping will poison u?
I see it with 3 very close family members: they have miserable lives, yet, gossiping gives them such a pleasure so they won’t stop.

Laiya

Tue, Apr 30 2019, 3:39 pm

If the question is specific, like, Has or will everyone, at some point, deal or dealt with xyz challenges or issues? The answer I think would be, Not everyone, although most people will deal with at least some of those issues.

But if the question is a general one, Do you struggle with major life challenges? The answer will be subjective. Two people in the exact same situation can view their situation as deeply challenging or as no biggie, as seen on this thread.

bunnyrabbit

Tue, Apr 30 2019, 3:41 pm

Laiya wrote:

Agree with that.

bunnyrabbit

Tue, Apr 30 2019, 3:42 pm

amother [ Salmon ] wrote:

What you’re describing are ordinary struggles of daily life.

Yes and no.

When one or three of the things on my list happen every now and then, yes.

You'll notice I wrote "also" between each difficulty, meaning, in my example, Mrs. Ploni is actually going through it all at the same time. That's a challenge, more than many of us go through in an average day.

bunnyrabbit

Tue, Apr 30 2019, 3:45 pm

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

I stand by what I said. A crying baby may be a challenge but it is not a life challenge.
Thank you for your bracha.

I too wish you much simcha and bracha and that Hashem fulfills all your desires.

Rebbetzin Altuzky is quoted as saying:

It's a nisayon to have them, and it's a nisyaon not to have them.

No one here is mitigating the heart-wrenching pain of being over 40 without children.
At the same time, I hope that no one is saying that with all the beauty, joy and bracha, a lot of parenting can be extremely trying and, especially with "difficult" babies, children and teens - yes, a nisayon.

bunnyrabbit

Tue, Apr 30 2019, 3:48 pm

Read through the list of forums on imamother for more ideas of difficult life struggles that don't fit into your tzaros list.
One of the ones that speaks to me the most at the moment is Wanting More Children But Not Allowed to Get Pregnant.
One can debate the difference between secondary infertility and the above for as long as they'd like, but......it all boils down to the fact that yes, most people struggle/suffer/experience pain and hardship at various stages of their life.

IrenaFr

Tue, Apr 30 2019, 4:03 pm

I thought always how lucky my father was - he had almost perfect wife (very beautiful and caring), successful and loving children, he loved his profession so much, was respected, made enough for living, had interesting friends. Almost always was in a good mood. And then he was diagnosed with cancer at 52. He was lucky - he wasnt suffering from pains and treatments and they never told him his diagnosis . He was sleepy , disoriented and in 3 weeks since the diagnosis he was gone . Before his death I was sure that some people can by lucky and happy in their life . Now I am not sure anymore .